#73 -- Halloween (1978)

Director: John Carpenter
Rating: 3 / 5

Please excuse me for a few moments, while I become incredibly cliche, and review Halloween on Halloween. I would also like to warn you: I have never been a fan of these movies, so pardon me if I get a little bit bitchy with it. While I'm not a fan of the movie, I do respect it, John Carpenter and even Michael Myers for what they've done for the industry of horror movies. 

Now that all that's out of the way, let's continue. In 1963, After a young boy murders his sister, he is sent away to a mental facility for fifteen years. Now, in 1978, he returns to his hometown to continue his killing. The movie centers on a young babysitter, Laurie, who Michael seems to be drawn to. It's been a good while since these movies came out, and I think it's safe to say that every horror fan out there knows the story. But we'll just pretend, for the moment, that we don't know. So, why is Michael so drawn to Laurie? Why does he so desperately want to kill her? Well, it doesn't explain very much here: only that he killed his sister when he was a child, is very dangerous, and out of his fucking mind. 

Dr. Loomis, who looked over Michael in the facility, tracks him down to Haddonfield. He's the jumpiest doctor I've ever seen. His part is comical to say the least, in that he jumps at every little sound or movement. He reminds me of my chihuahua. Laurie is busy looking after two children, and she ignores their warnings that the boogeyman is coming. It is a mistake, of course, because she learns that the boogeyman is real - just a little bit too late. I only say boogeyman because that is what they call him in the movie. He's the most un-scary boogeyman I've ever seen in my life. Laurie is your typical stupid teenager, except I think she's stupider than most. Her best effort at hiding is to leave the bedroom door open, hide in a closet and tie the doors together. 

Michael was ruined for me when they had him cover himself in a bed-sheet, put some horrid glasses on his face and then strangle a girl with a phone chord. It is beyond stupid, and Michael is - in my opinion - the worst slasher EVER. His kills are slow, boring, and the action is seriously lacking. I understand that it was made in the seventies on a limited budget, and I will admit that it's pretty good considering. While the movie isn't too bad, I just do not like the character of Michael Myers. He is boring - simple as that. Again, I'm not a fan of the movie, but I respect it. I understand that I will probably get some shit for this, considering Halloween's huge iconic status - but I really don't care. I considered going easy on Michael, but then I realized that this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want. So poo on Michael Myers. Poo on him! I give this movie three stars simply because of the impact it had on horror movies in general, and because my dear Jason might not exist if not for this dummy. 


#72 -- 2001 Maniacs (2005)

Director: Tim Sullivan
Rating: 3 / 5

"You ARE what they eat." I think that somewhat adequately depicts the humor in this movie. When a group of college kids sets off to Florida for spring break, a detour lands them in a little tiny town in Georgia - a town full of insane cannibal hillbillies (there's actually a character called Hucklebilly). Seeing movies like this, I can understand why a lot of northerners might think horrible things about us down in the south. These hillbillies have some sort of festival coming up called the Guts and Glory Jubilee. The group slowly starts diminishing, as they are killed and eaten by the town. 

Robert Englund stars as the mayor of this town, called Pleasant Valley. His son is - no surprise here - a sheep fucking lunatic. He doesn't really have a big part in the movie, other than running around chasing sheep with his pants around his ankles. But he is easily one of the funniest characters in the whole movie. The humor is an acquired taste. It is very racist, homophobic, and whatever else you can think of. So if you don't have a really open sense of humor, you should probably steer clear of this movie. But otherwise, I think most everyone should enjoy this. It's cheesy, funny, and pretty damn gory. One man even has a gigantic spear shoved into his ass. Oh, and Kane Hodder also had a cameo, as one of the said insane cannibal rednecks. So that was exciting. Check this one out, but listen to me when I say: I promise you we're not all like that down here. 


Meeting Kane Hodder!

When I found out there was a book all about my favorite bad guy, Kane Hodder, I was ecstatic. My first thought was, "Oh my, I HAVE to get this book." But then I realized that he was going on a book tour, and that - OH MY GOODNESS - he would be in Georgia. So I waited, and waited, and waited for a year. It was actually less than a month, but it damn sure felt like a year. So, when the day finally came - October 24th - I got off work early, and drove two hours to Dallas, Georgia. I got there four hours early and waited in the parking lot to make sure I was first in line. This event took place at a haunted house, so there were zombies and monsters walking all around the parking lot scaring the daylights out of people.

I liked that guy because he made me think of Santa Claus after Mrs. Claus kicks him out and he loses his job. I was first in line at the merchandise table. I bought my book and waited for Kane to show up. When he finally got there, I ran over and snapped some pictures of him when he was addressing the crowd.

After that, I ended up being third in line to get his autograph. But that's okay, because I needed time to compose myself. I was sure I would piss myself the moment he shook my hand. Fortunately, I didn't soil myself. Unfortunately, I could barely say two words to the man. I laughed almost the entire time he was talking to me. I'm a dumb girl, but it's okay. I don't know if he'll ever know just how happy he made me. He signed my book and told me that it would make me cry. He told me to remember that he had told me personally that his book would bring tears to my eyes.

There was an AMAZING cake there, made by a woman who will be competing on a baking show soon. I wanted this cake, but they wouldn't let us eat it. They did have complimentary cupcakes, though.

That tree dripped blood! Anyways, after all of this excitement, I was finally in line to have my picture taken with Kane. I was far from first (because I had to wait for all the people just getting autographs to get finished), and the wait just about killed me. When I finally got to the front of the line, that feeling of Oh my god, I'm gonna piss myself came back. But again, I was able to compose myself and keep my bladder under control. Thank Bob for that. I walked into the tent, my boyfriend and I positioned ourselves on either side of Kane, and he wrapped his arm around me. KANE FUCKING HODDER HAD HIS ARM AROUND ME.

The camera-man told me he edited the photo to make me look taller. So, yeah, I'm THAT short.

On the way home my boyfriend said, "You had your arm around Jason." All I could do was giggle like a madwoman. I still cannot believe that I actually met Kane Hodder.

Overall? Best day of my life.


#71 -- Skeleton Crew (2009)

Directors: Tommi Lepola & Tero Molin
Rating: 3 / 5

When going into a movie like this, I expect to be grossed out or freaked out or SOMETHING. There were parts that were a little gross, but it wasn't enough to amaze me. It's all about a film crew that is filming a movie based on a true story. It takes place in a mental hospital where the doctor murdered his patients and made snuff films out of it. 

But while exploring the hospital, the director of the film discovers some of those snuff films, and he becomes obsessed with them. He starts watching them constantly, instead of working on his own movie. Eventually, he goes a little bit whacko and decides that the movie just doesn't look real enough, and he starts making some snuff films of his own. It appears that there are ghosts in the hospital, and someone else is making a film of their own - starring all the crew, including the director.

This movie was okay. I liked the story of it, because the idea of them watching real murders on film is just repulsive enough to be interesting. However, the ending left a little to be desired. It was a little vague, and it failed to answer some questions I had. It didn't do much with the supposed ghosts, which I think could have made the movie better. The gore was okay as well; it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't amazing either. And the acting? Horrible, for the most part. But that's nothing I can't live with. I actually tend to enjoy bad acting. Overall, it was an okay movie. Good for a one-time viewing, but not good for much else. 


Friday the (not-so) 13th, Part 4

I thought I'd keep it simple this week and, instead of ranting about the movies, just share my little collection of things. I'm a pretty poor woman, so I really don't have a lot, but I enjoy it and plan on (hopefully) acquiring much more over the years.

My Friday the 13th Memorabilia

DVD Collection

AWESOME Jason action figure from Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood. It looks so good, and is really accurate. I love it!

Really cool game that no one wants to play with me. :(

Shitty hockey mask from Wal-Mart. But it works for my boyfriend when he wants to surprise me on Halloween. ;)

Playing cards

Zippo lighter that doesn't work half the time...

A really awesome book for F13 fans. I haven't read all of it yet (even though I've had it for YEARS), but it's got some really interesting stuff in it, and a lot of really awesome photos.

So that's my collection. It's not a lot, but I'm happy with it for the moment. I'd really like some more action figures. I especially would like some of the Living Dead Doll ones; they're super cute. :) But all this makes me happy, and I smile every time I look at it. I only wish there was someone around who would play the trivia game with me. I will have one more book to add to my collection this coming up monday, when I meet Kane Hodder and get an autographed copy of his autobiography. I am so fucking excited I don't know what to do with myself.


#70 -- Teeth (2007)

Director: Mitchell Lichtenstein
Rating: 4 / 5

The way you would classify this movie depends on who you are. Or your gender. For females (me, at least) it's a comedy. For males, pure terror. It is the story of Dawn, a high school student who discovers her vagina has teeth when her crush tries to rape her. I'd like to mention that both she and her would-be rapist are active in the school's abstinence club. This fact makes the entire movie superbly ironic. Her little problem is what most have always thought of as only a myth: vagina dentata. Her gynecologist learns that it is real when he tries to fist-rape her, and her vagina latches on and won't let go. 

At first, Dawn is terrified of her deformity, and she doesn't want to get close to anyone for fear of hurting them. But she eventually learns to see it as an advantage. She has power over any man she encounters: power that none of us regular women could ever understand. When she discovers this, she uses her power to her advantage, taking revenge on those who cross her. She learns to control it, and little Vaggie only bites when Dawn gets angry. This movie is completely hilarious. There is one scene in particular where a man pisses Dawn off (it happens to be her step-brother, who is in love with Dawn and decides he wants to tap that ass) and Vaggie goes to work. Vaggie bites off the man's pee-pee, and his dog, his beloved little poochie EATS IT. I remember being completely shocked, and then laughing my ass off screaming "Oh my god! The dog ate his dick!" And yes, I laughed my ass off. I have no ass now, thanks to this movie. I find myself wondering if she's missing any fingers...

I couldn't find many photos for this one, and it's a damn shame, because there are some really great scenes here. What I find interesting is that the movie was actually written and directed by a man. You would think that some crazy feminist would create a movie like this, but no. I guess he figured the best way to scare a man is to have his junk bitten off by the thing it wants most. Who knows why; all I know is that this movie is awesomely funny and equally disturbing. You should watch it for the poochie penis munching. 


2011 Scream Awards

I just got finished watching Spike TV's sixth annual Scream Awards, and there was some pretty good stuff going on. There was a killer circus themed set, a bunch of amazing costumes in the audience, some funny presenters, and of course - lots of awards. In case you missed it, here are the winners:

Hero Award: Robert Downey Jr.
Best Thriller: Limitless
Best Supporting Actor: Peter Dinklage (Game of Thrones)
Breakout Male Performance: Joe Mangianello (True Blood)
Best Director: Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan)
Ultimate Villain: Darth Vader
Best Sci-Fi Actor: Matt Smith (Dr. Who)
Best Comic Book Writer: Ed Brubaker
Comic-con Icon: June Foray
Best Horror Movie: Let Me In
Maverick: Nicholas Cage
Best Sci-Fi Movie: Super 8
Best TV Show: Game of Thrones
Most Memorable Mutilation: Scalped by Motorboat (Pirahna)
Ultimate Scream Award: Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows, Part II
Best Fantasy Actor: Daniel Radcliff (Harry Potter)
Best Villain: Ralph Fiennes (Voldemort, Harry Potter)
Most Anticipated Movie: Batman: Dark Knight Rises
Visionary: Peewee Herman. Yes, I said Peewee Herman.

It was interesting. Unfortunately, I'm out of the loop on "big things," so I haven't seen half the movies/tv shows that won. And even more unfortunately, the main reason I watched this (The Walking Dead) didn't win a damn thing. But oh well. It was cool seeing everything, and I enjoyed the trailers for some pretty neat looking movies coming up.


#69 -- Masters of Horror: Homecoming (2005)

Director: Joe Dante
Rating: 3 / 5

This movie is not so much horror as it is political satire. A man (I'm not sure what his title is, politically) makes a comment that he wishes the fallen soldiers could come back to tell them what they feel about their sacrifice. The president decides to use that in a speech, and -whattaya know- the fallen soldiers come back from the dead. They believe that the soldiers would say, "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to serve my country," or, "Thanks for getting me killed for no reason, assholes." But they are very wrong. 

Yeah, they're zombies. But they're no ordinary zombies. They don't want to eat people, or eat brains or whatever it is that zombies eat these days. All they want to do is vote. They want their voices to be heard. They cast their votes in a way that (I assume) will get the president out of office and end the war. And that is the only way to kill them for good: to let them vote. But when it is decided at the last minute that their votes will not count, they are not happy, and they come back once again to fight for their rights to party...Oh, I mean vote. 

This one, to me, isn't as great as a lot of the other Masters of Horror movies. It could just be that I'm not a very political person. I don't follow politics, and I really don't care, so this movie didn't really effect me that much. I'm not saying it was bad; it was funny because of its satirical nature. But I'm used to MoH being scary, or at least creepy, and to me this one was neither. The zombies talked and barely killed anything. So, it just didn't do much for me. It was well done, but it just wasn't my cup of tea.


#68 -- Bitten (2008)

Director: Harvey Glazer
Rating: 4 / 5

When I saw that Jason Mewes was the star of this movie, I knew going into it that it was going to be silly as hell. I wasn't wrong. He stars as Jack, a paramedic down on his luck when it comes to love. His bitch of an ex left him and won't come back to get her shit out of his apartment. I couldn't decide whether he was happy about losing her or not, but personally I would've kicked her out my damn self - and threw all her shit out the window for all the crackheads to loot. But that's just me. Anyways, he finds a pretty girl out in the alley. She's crying and covered with blood and FREAKING OUT. He takes her back to his apartment and nurses her back to health.

Well, he finds out (after his new girlfriend kills the old girlfriend) that the girl, Tamika, is a vampire. He sings a little song to his (seemingly) dead ex-girlfriend that goes a little something like: My new bitch is wearing your clothes; my new bitch is rocking your CDs; my new bitch is watching your TV. Ha-ha. Oh, and when he cleans up Tamika's "little messes" we hear a lovely little song that reminds me a lot of Barney: Tidy up your mess, tidy up your mess; everybody do your best to tidy up your mess. That damn song has been stuck in my head since last night. So anyways, Jack basically goes out and gets crackheads for Tamika to feed on and hides the bodies around his apartment. But when Tamika brings home a girl from a bar, and kills her after having a lovely little threesome, Jack decides that she must be stopped. But, he won't stop her without paying the price. 

I really enjoyed this movie. It was silly and I laughed my ass off through most of it. Even my boyfriend, who usually doesn't enjoy my silly-funny horror movies, enjoyed it. And I'll say this: Jason Mewes as a vampire = awesome. I think he's pretty hot as it is, but chained up in his friends basement chowing down on who-knows-what out of a little feeding dish? Oh yes. I found myself screaming to my boyfriend, "I want one! I want one!" Of course, I don't think he'll get me one, but oh well. Watch this movie. You know Jay is goofy, and even in a horror movie he's funny. 


#67 -- Suicide Girls Must Die (2010)

Director: Sawa Suicide
Rating: 2 / 5

I have always liked the Suicide Girls. They're cute, they're sexy, and they get naked - what else could you ask for? So, naturally I was dying to see this movie. But it really wasn't all that great. It was pretty much like watching their TV show, which is fine - I like the show. But I wanted a horror movie, and it just didn't live up to it.

Okay, so the girls go out to a cabin in the middle of nowhere (actually the middle of Maine, but same thing) believing that they're doing a photo shoot for a calendar. They take all their photos and everything, but some of the girls start going missing. There's a creepy caretaker walking around, and an even creepier old man living in a tent on a nearby island. So of course, the girls are very frightened - some of them, anyways.

A lot of them don't think there's anything they can do about the missing girls, and they just want to get on with the photo shoot. There's one girl, the coordinator, who is a complete bitch about it. I found myself wishing that one of the other girls would beat the hell out of her. It never happened, but whatever. In the end, we find out that it was all a scam put on by the producers. The girls all thought everything was actually happening, so what the cover of the DVD says is completely true - it's a reality horror movie, except no one actually gets hurt.

The first ten-twenty minutes is filmed with hand-cams, and it's just the girls getting ready for their trip. It's very slow to start, and the entire thing is extremely boring. But it's almost worth it to see all the boobies. Almost. It's an interesting idea, and definitely a very elaborate prank. But it just wasn't a good movie, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that someone got their asses beat big time for it. I would advise you to just stick to watching them on TV, if you really want to see the Suicide Girls. Because this movie just doesn't cut it.


Friday the (not-so) 13th, Part 3

Jason has had to deal with a lot of people over the years. He's had to fight many different kinds of people, but only a few of them were actually worthy opponents. So, the question is:

Who gave Jason the best fight?

There are, I'm sure, many different opinions on this subject. But here, of course, I will give you mine. I'll run through the ones I think were worthy opponents, and then we'll see who was the best.

Tommy Jarvis - In Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, Tommy was a young boy obsessed with horror special effects. He made his own masks and such, and in the end, it helped him defeat Jason. He cut all his hair off and made himself look just like Jason looked as a child. It confused him just enough so that Tommy could attack. This led us to believe that, since it was supposed to be the last film of the series, Tommy would "take over" for Jason. In the next film, Tommy was older and locked away in a mental facility. People started dying, and I think the idea was to make us believe that Tommy HAD taken over for Jason. But in the sixth film, Tommy was all grown up, released from the facility, and back to fight the monster once again. See, this is my point. Tommy survived through three of the films. There's always someone to survive in each one, but they never come back in the next (apart from Alice, but she didn't last very long). Tommy kept coming back, and he was never killed by Jason. He hasn't been seen since the sixth film, but he just disappeared; he wasn't killed. Despite the fact that it actually wasn't Jason doing the killing in part 5, I think it's impressive that he could survive through so much, where others failed.

Tina - In Friday the 13th: The New Blood, Tina was a young woman with special powers: telekinesis. She's had these powers her whole life because of a traumatic experience as a child (her father died and she blamed herself), and she's gone back to the lake to face her fears. Along with her mother and a doctor, she wishes to learn to control her powers so she doesn't hurt anyone else. But she starts seeing things: scenes of the partying kids next door being murdered by a monster that she's telekinetically released from the lake. So, instead of controlling her powers, she must unleash them on Jason in order to survive. We all know that Jason isn't the brightest crayon in the box, so mind power is pretty strong over him. Tina's was strong and, since she could hit him from a distance with all sorts of objects, she gave him a pretty good fight.

Kay-Em 14 Kay-Em 14 is from Jason X and she is a fembot. She was created by one of the little nerdy boys on the ship, to be used as a sexbot. But we learn quickly that Kay-Em 14 isn't only good for sex - she's also quite a badass. Since she's virtually indestructible herself, there isn't really much Jason could do with her (or to her). She pulls out the big guns (literally), and blows Jason to pieces. I was actually quite pissed at the fembot bitch for hurting my husband, but all was well in the end.

Freddy Kreuger - Of course, we couldn't leave Freddy off the list. I addressed this one in my last Friday the (not-so) 13th, but we'll go through it again. Freddy is the dream demon, he is the master of mind-trickery. Because of this Freddy, like Tina, gave Jason a hell of a fight. He, unlike anyone else, was able to actually throw Jason around like he was nothing. He also got into his mind and fucked with him a little bit, which actually isn't really saying much. Plenty of people have fucked with Jason's mind over the years, but none quite like Freddy.

I think these four people gave Jason bigger fights than anyone else. But who takes the number one spot? Is it Tommy, the young boy who survived more through more than anyone else? Tina, the girl with special powers? The fembot Kay-Em 14? Or Freddy Kreuger, king of dreams?

Winner: Tommy Jarvis

Tommy takes the win not because of how much damage he caused, but simply because he made it through more than anyone else. He's the only person in the entire series to survive through more than one film. Also, every good horror villain has to has a nemesis. Michael had Laurie, Freddy had Nancy; Jason has Tommy. So, there we have it. Even though some others caused Jason much more harm than Tommy did, Tommy gave Jason the best fight, because he had to deal with him for so many years. And Tommy wound up knowing everything about Jason; he'd dealt with him before, he knew how he worked and how to defeat him. I think in the future, whoever Jason has to fight should locate Tommy Jarvis for advice and guidance - because no one knows Jason like Tommy.


#66 -- The Human Centipede [First Sequence] (2009)

Director: Tom Six
Rating: 3 / 5

I figured, since there seems to be so much hype surrounding this movie, that it was about time that I see it. This review could be very short. It's very simple, and the movie can be described in one word: Ew. I'm not sure if I'm glad I watched this or not. It starts off with two girls who are traveling through Europe on vacation. They are invited to a party but get lost on the way. They end up getting a flat tire, and travel through the woods to find a house. The man inside agrees to call the car service for them (he doesn't call), but he ends up drugging them and tying them down to hospital beds instead.

They're trapped in the house with another man, but the doctor decides that he isn't good enough, kills him, and gets an Asian man instead. The doctor happens to be a brilliant surgeon who specializes in separating Siamese twins. He surgically combines the three captors, anus to mouth. The Asian man is in the front, so we get to hear him screaming in Japanese throughout most of the movie. 

The cops eventually get suspicious and search the doctor's home. It's completely pointless because he ends up killing them anyways. As I said, I'm not quite sure if I enjoyed this or not. It was interesting simply because it was disgusting, and I'm left wondering how awkward the actors felt with their mouths stuck to the others' assholes. The reason I'm kind of on the fence about it is because of the way it ended. I don't want to ruin the ending, but it...well, it doesn't really end at all. I know that is because there is a sequel coming out soon, and that's the only reason I'm letting it slide. If I didn't know that, I'd probably have a much different opinion; but as it is, I was intrigued by the nastiness of it, and I'm interested to see what happens in the next installment.


#65 -- My Name Is Bruce (2007)

Director: Bruce Campbell
Rating: 4 / 5

I actually heard about this movie from my dad who, like me, happens to be a big Bruce Campbell fan. He told me that the movie was awful, and hardly Campbell's best work. Any time I hear bad reviews about a movie, I have to see it. So as usual, I went straight to Netflix to see if it was available to watch instantly. Luckily, it was. And, as usual, I disagree with my dad. Okay, maybe not "as usual." He's right sometimes – SOMETIMES. But he was wrong here, because this movie rocks.

Bruce Campbell stars as himself, the b-movie scream king, who visits a small town at the request of a teenage boy. An ancient samurai warrior demon, who is protector of all bean curd, has been unwittingly unleashed upon said small town – by a couple of kids hoping to get lucky in the cemetery. The teenage boy is a ginormous fan of Campbell's, has seen him destroy many a demon, and hopes that he can do the same for his family. Bruce spends a lot of time trying to convince the kid that he's not actually a hero – he's just an actor (and to stop calling him Mr. Campbell, because "Mr. Campbell makes soup"). But the kid will have none of it; he believes in Bruce and knows that he can help them.

Bruce is a bit of a dickweed for the majority of this movie (which kind of worries me since he also directed the movie; is he actually that much of an asshole?), but he eventually turns everything around and decides to help them out. This one is just like any other goofy b-movie: ridiculous, silly, and downright awesome. Bruce Campbell is one of my favorite actors, and he does not disappoint here. The samurai/bean curd guy is completely ridiculous, but it somehow works. You can expect from this one what you would expect from any other well-made b-movie. It is a must for Bruce Campbell fans. It's also a must for b-movie fans, and…well, horror fans too. I think it's safe to say that, if you're a living human with half a brain, you should probably just go ahead and watch this movie. 


The Walking Dead

So, I've finally jumped on the bandwagon. I'm a year late, but I just started watching the first season of The Walking Dead. I don't know how I missed it in the first place, but here we are. I'm really liking it so far, but I'm surprised they let so much gore onto television. I'm very happy about it, but surprised nonetheless. The zombies are awesome and very well done, and the characters are likeable (or very easy to hate). It takes place just outside of Atlanta, and being from Georgia, it's cool to hear them talking about things I actually know something about. I also like that I haven't yet heard anyone utter the word "zombie." I guess they're trying not to be quite so "cliche." I don't know, but I think it does give the show a little bit of an edge. They're not zombies; they're "walkers."

So basically, a policeman is shot and hospitalized. He wakes up and realizes that zombies have wiped out almost all other humans. He finds his wife and son with a group of other survivors, living up in the mountains. They're pretty much zombie-free at the moment, though one has shambled up there to feast on a poor little deer. I haven't gotten very far in the season yet, but I do know that I will continue watching, and I'm hoping to be finished with it before the second season starts up. PLEASE NO SPOILERS! I know I probably shouldn't be writing about it since I haven't finished, but it's all I have to write about at the moment. I've been sick lately, and this show is really the only thing I've felt like watching. But anyways, I'm enjoying it a lot. If you haven't watched any of it yet, it's available to watch instantly on Netflix, and I strongly advise you to do so.

Also, I have a poll up about the show. So, vote and let me know what you think of it.


#64 -- Mask Maker (2010)

Director: Griff Furst
Rating: 3 / 5

Many years ago, a woman sacrificed a baby to bring her sick son back to life. That baby's father took revenge on her by killing both her and her son. 

Now, a young couple has purchased an old plantation home, in hopes of restoring it and selling it for big bucks. But the man of the house unwittingly unleashes the soul of that young boy, and when they invite friends over to help with the renovations, the boy is determined to avenge his mother. The kids are picked off one by one (and having their faces turned into masks), and a crazy old man at the general store may just have the answers that they need to stop the madman.

The back-story was a little bit vague for a while, but it eventually comes together and makes sense. It's kind of a sad story, and I can't help but to sympathize with the sickly child/man. His mother is a different story, because she was quite the fucked-up young woman. Not only was she a child-murderer, but she had an affair with her employer's husband, which ultimately led to the murder of the lady of the house. 

This reminds me a lot of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, only not as good. I wouldn't call it a rip-off exactly, because it does have its own little story, but it's definitely obvious where they got the idea for the movie. The effects are pretty good, though the gore is not excessive like I like it. There were a couple good kills, but overall the movie is pretty forgettable. Not horrible, but forgettable.


Friday the (not-so) 13th, Part 2

Did Jason beat Freddy?

The famous question, perhaps more famous now than "Which came first…" Well, I'm sure you can already guess who my vote goes to, but just for good measure, I'll explain why.

Freddy gave Jason a good fight, there is no doubting that. Freddy is much stronger than any of the dumb teenagers that Jason has ever had to fight. But, Jason is also much stronger than any of the dumb teenagers Freddy has fought. And Jason is stronger than Freddy. Some would argue that Freddy is stronger than Jason, because he mindfucks his victims. But that's just it - when their battle took place, they were not in Freddy's dreamland, they were in Jason's world. Freddy's mind is far stronger than Jason's, that cannot be denied. But Jason's body? Freddy didn't stand a chance. Freddy was able to get into Jason's dreams and torment him, so maybe that was a mental victory for Freddy. But, do mental victories really matter? I think not.

But if you think about it, Jason mindfucked Freddy a little bit too. Freddy brought Jason to Springwood because he'd lost his mojo. The kids weren't scared of him anymore. He needed someone to start killing, so the town would believe it was Freddy and the fear of him would be renewed. But he didn't think for one minute that Jason – being a vicious killer himself – wouldn't want to stop. Jason stole Freddy's victims and pretty much foiled his plan. Freddy, the man who kills using mind-power, was fucked over by a mongoloid. I think that alone warrants a victory for Jason.

If that's not enough, just look at how each walked away from the fight. Jason walked away missing only a couple of fingers. And Freddy…Well, he didn't walk away at all. He was missing his entire body. Sure, Jason himself didn't decapitate Freddy, but Jason walked away with the least amount of damage, and he was carrying Freddy's head. So, there's really no telling what he did to it afterwards. He could have hacked it into tiny little pieces. Or, better yet, he could be keeping it in the shrine with Pamela's head. Who knows?

Victory – Jason Voorhees.

Do you agree or disagree? You better have some solid evidence from the film if you disagree with me. Otherwise, I will not believe you. :)


#63 -- Friday the 13th part 3 (1982)

Director: Steve Miner
Rating: 5 / 5

Friday the 13th part 3 switched it up a little bit, as it doesn't take place in a summer camp. Instead, it takes place in a family-owned cabin in the Crystal Lake area. Chris decides to return to the cabin with a group of friends for a little summer fun. Having had an encounter with Jason when she was a little girl (when she decided to sleep in the woods after her parents had a fight), she also hopes to face her fears of the psychotic killer. 

This one was released as a 3D movie. You could say it's gimmicky, but I don't think so, not back then. These days, every other movie is in 3D, and I like to think that Friday the 13th was cool before cool was cool. Sadly, I was born seven years after the release of this movie, so I didn't get to see it in all its 3D glory. My DVD did come with a set of hockey-mask 3D glasses, but I'm sure you could guess that they're pretty shitty. The 3D effects are pretty good, though, just watching it regularly. It's not exactly 3D - just looks like things are coming at the camera, but it's pretty neat anyways. I'm waiting – crossing my fingers – that they will re-release it in 3D, but I won't hold my breath. 

Anyways, part three is perhaps the biggest milestone in Friday the 13th history. No, not because it was done in 3D, but because it was in this film that Jason slipped on his hockey mask. A practical joker, Shelly, who loved to play jokes on just about everyone (no one like him because of it) fell prey to our dear Jason. Jason saw the hockey mask that Shelly had been using for one of his pranks, and I guess he thought that might work better than a burlap sack. And yes, indeed it does. 

Body Count:
1. Harold - stabbed
2. Edna - stabbed through head with knitting needle
3. Fox - stabbed with pitchfork
4. Loco - stabbed with pitchfork
5. Shelly - throat slit
6. Vera - spear through the eye
7. Andy - sliced in half with machete
8 & 9. Debbie and her unborn child - stabbed
10. Chuck - electrocuted
11. Chili - stabbed with fire poker
12. Rick - head crushed with Jason's bare hands
13. Ali - hacked with machete