May Monster Madness Day 1 -- Monster Spotlight: Zombies

So, May Monster Madness is finally here. I feel like I'm late, but it cannot be helped. I work the night shift, so the only time I have to write is during the day. I actually did try to watch a movie, but exhaustion took over and I kept falling asleep every five or ten minutes. So, that's out of the question, sadly. Instead, my first day is going to be a simple one. I did Monster Spotlight once before, and never did find the will to do it again. I guess now is the perfect time, and I'm going to focus on my favorite of all horror movie monsters: zombies! From here on out, I will be reviewing monster movies, but for now, let's talk about some of those awesome undead creatures. These are my favorite zombies.

Fat Santa Zombie from Silent Night, Zombie Night

I watched Silent Night Zombie Night for Creepmas last year, and I was really disappointed by it. That being said, one of the zombies left a mark on me. I don't know what it is about this guy, but I thought he was so awesome. He looks like he just ate one too many Christmas pies or something. He was most definitely the best part about that movie.

Zombie Baby from Dead Alive

This is an entirely different story, however. I loved Dead Alive. It was cheesy, it was gory, and just all around a good time. This little guy is what happens when two zombies make love. If a zombie love scene isn't awesome enough, add in a little zombie child chewing its way out of its mother. And he's just so gosh-darn cute, don't you think? The first thing I thought when I saw him was, "This is what mine and Jason's baby will look like." Jason Voorhees is my future husband, and I see him in pretty much everything. I do honestly believe this is what our child is going to look like. So, that's reason enough for me to love him. Rock on, Jason Jr.!

Cemetery Zombie from Night of the Living Dead

There were plenty of great zombies in this classic movie, but this is the one that stuck with me. His is one of the first faces you see in the movie, and he is precisely what was "coming" for Barbara. He is a part of one of the most known and quoted scenes in horror, and I love him for it. I love all the other zombies in the movie as well; especially the way their heads sounded when they were hit by hammers. Great stuff.

Julie from Return of the Living Dead 3

I'm sure there are quite a few people out there who were confused by Julie. Is she something that I want to run away from; or do I want to jump her bones? She was sexy as hell, and I personally consider her a sex symbol. I don't care if she was dead or not. Not only was she a bombshell, but she was also a badass. She was not one to be fucked with, even though that's precisely what I'd like to do with her. I'd just have to steer clear of all the glass/springs/wires pierced into her body.

"I can feel myself rot" zombie from Return of the Living Dead

What I love about this gal is that she was the first talking zombie that I'd ever seen. She might even be the first talking zombie ever; I'm not sure. She explained exactly why she and her zombie friends had to eat brains, and she succeeded in making me feel bad for them. She was such a sad lady.

"Send more paramedics" zombie from Return of the Living Dead

Most of my favorite zombie characters do come from the ROTLD series, because...well, those movies rock. I just love this guy, because that was one of my favorite scenes in the movie; and it's one of my favorite horror quotes ever. It was just so funny. The words themselves are funny, but the way he said it made it even better. It was like he was ordering Chinese food. 

The zombie chickens from Poultrygeist

There's nothing quite like zombie chickens, especially ones that people feel inclined to sing about. This movie is one of my absolute favorites. It had everything going for it, and the zombies were fantastic. I mean...angry Native American spirits trapped in frozen chickens that have come to life. What could be better?

Tarman from Return of the Living Dead

Ahh, Tarman. We all love you. Not only does he look awesome, but he was pretty darn scary, especially when he showed up out of nowhere, dripping his goo everywhere. Besides, he's the reason that all those cute graphics say "Brainssss!" in their thought bubbles rather than "Any body part I can get ahold of!" Or "Flesh!" Neither of which have quite the same ring to them. 

So, those are my favorite zombies. I think it's pretty easy to tell what my favorite zombie movie is, huh? Who are your favorite zombies? Anyone I left out? 

Oh, and enjoy these other wonderful Monster-related posts!

Monster Spotlight - Clowns

This is going to be a new segment that I can – hopefully – keep going for a little while. I’m going to spotlight certain types of horror movie villains, and single out the greats.

Clowns can be really great if they’re done correctly. Tons of people are scared of clowns, and that’s just regular clowns you see at birthday parties and such. It’s understandable; you can’t help but wonder what’s going on in their mind, underneath the make-up and the smiles. I’ll quote what I said in my “survival 101” page. They may be smiling, but they're not happy. They're smiling because they're imagining what your guts are gonna look like splattered all over the floor. Or they may be picturing you naked. Either way, clowns are bad news. So here are some of my favourite killer clowns!

Pennywise the Dancing Clown

I saw Stephen King’s It as a young child; but I was so young that I didn’t really comprehend what was happening. I saw it again when I was about thirteen, and I was terrified of clowns for a couple of years. Now, of course, I realize that clowns are fucking awesome. But for a while there, Pennywise had me scared shitless. The clown actually isn’t the true form of Pennywise; he’s actually some sort of spider-thing that preys on children. The clown was just a get-up to lure children into his lair, or scare the shit out of unsuspecting children. Either way, Pennywise was a very effective killer clown.

"They all float!"

The Little Green-Haired One

This little guy is from Killer Klowns from Outer Space. He didn’t actually have a name; or if he did, I don’t know what it was. All I know is that, to me, he is a cutie pie. There was one scene in particular that had me rolling in the floor. Greeny was riding his bicycle when he came upon a group of bikers. One of the big bikers asked if he could ride the bike; Greeny shook his head no. So the biker asked if he could honk the horn, and Greeny didn’t have a problem with that. But instead of honking the horn, Biker crushed the bicycle with his bare hands. Greeny began to cry, and then flew up into the sky. The biker thought he’d won the fight. Greeny came back down to the ground, this time with a big pair of boxing gloves. Biker laughed, asking “What are you gonna do, knock my block off?” Greeny punches Biker’s head, and it flies off into a trash can. It was at that moment that I fell in love with this little guy.

Horny the Clown

Drive-Thru is one of those independent movies that is actually really good. Horny the clown was the shit. He was the sexiest killer clown I’d ever seen. He was funny (even though he stole his catch phrases from The Shining), he was fucking vicious as hell, and I love him. Oh, and not only was he a killer clown, he was the re-animated spirit of a nerdy boy. And if you know me, you know I love nerdy boys. So, Horny scores double on the awesome meter.

So yummy...

Insane Clown Posse

Okay, so they’re not from a horror movie, but they’re still horror-related. Their style of music is known as horrorcore, or murder rap, and they focus mainly on horror-related topics (with a little sex and drugs thrown in for good measure). They’re not the colourful clowns we’re used to; instead they’re painted in black and white, making them quite sinister. They’re funny, they’re gross, and they’re pretty gory. Here’s a little peek inside some of my favourite of their songs. Terrible isn’t exactly horror-related, but it focuses on bad things in the real world. It’s about people focusing on stupid shit rather than what really matters. House of Horrors is just what the title implies: a house of horrors. The Amazing Maze is a maze full of horrible things, like rooms filled with mouse traps and thumbtacks, serial killers, and other wonderful things. There’s a lot more to these guys than meets the eye; they’ve actually got some serious messages to relay, they’re about more than just murder. Some people say they’re gimmicky; a lot of people hate their guts; but I say fuck ‘em. I’m a juggalette and I’m proud. So check ‘em out and find out for yourselves.

There are plenty of killer clowns out there. They’re always attempted, but rarely perfected. When done properly, clowns are the shit. So I’ll close with three simple words: Much Clown Love.