10.15.2011

#67 -- Suicide Girls Must Die (2010)

Director: Sawa Suicide
Rating: 2 / 5

I have always liked the Suicide Girls. They're cute, they're sexy, and they get naked - what else could you ask for? So, naturally I was dying to see this movie. But it really wasn't all that great. It was pretty much like watching their TV show, which is fine - I like the show. But I wanted a horror movie, and it just didn't live up to it.

Okay, so the girls go out to a cabin in the middle of nowhere (actually the middle of Maine, but same thing) believing that they're doing a photo shoot for a calendar. They take all their photos and everything, but some of the girls start going missing. There's a creepy caretaker walking around, and an even creepier old man living in a tent on a nearby island. So of course, the girls are very frightened - some of them, anyways.

A lot of them don't think there's anything they can do about the missing girls, and they just want to get on with the photo shoot. There's one girl, the coordinator, who is a complete bitch about it. I found myself wishing that one of the other girls would beat the hell out of her. It never happened, but whatever. In the end, we find out that it was all a scam put on by the producers. The girls all thought everything was actually happening, so what the cover of the DVD says is completely true - it's a reality horror movie, except no one actually gets hurt.


The first ten-twenty minutes is filmed with hand-cams, and it's just the girls getting ready for their trip. It's very slow to start, and the entire thing is extremely boring. But it's almost worth it to see all the boobies. Almost. It's an interesting idea, and definitely a very elaborate prank. But it just wasn't a good movie, and I wouldn't be surprised to find out that someone got their asses beat big time for it. I would advise you to just stick to watching them on TV, if you really want to see the Suicide Girls. Because this movie just doesn't cut it.

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