#68 -- Bitten (2008)

Director: Harvey Glazer
Rating: 4 / 5

When I saw that Jason Mewes was the star of this movie, I knew going into it that it was going to be silly as hell. I wasn't wrong. He stars as Jack, a paramedic down on his luck when it comes to love. His bitch of an ex left him and won't come back to get her shit out of his apartment. I couldn't decide whether he was happy about losing her or not, but personally I would've kicked her out my damn self - and threw all her shit out the window for all the crackheads to loot. But that's just me. Anyways, he finds a pretty girl out in the alley. She's crying and covered with blood and FREAKING OUT. He takes her back to his apartment and nurses her back to health.

Well, he finds out (after his new girlfriend kills the old girlfriend) that the girl, Tamika, is a vampire. He sings a little song to his (seemingly) dead ex-girlfriend that goes a little something like: My new bitch is wearing your clothes; my new bitch is rocking your CDs; my new bitch is watching your TV. Ha-ha. Oh, and when he cleans up Tamika's "little messes" we hear a lovely little song that reminds me a lot of Barney: Tidy up your mess, tidy up your mess; everybody do your best to tidy up your mess. That damn song has been stuck in my head since last night. So anyways, Jack basically goes out and gets crackheads for Tamika to feed on and hides the bodies around his apartment. But when Tamika brings home a girl from a bar, and kills her after having a lovely little threesome, Jack decides that she must be stopped. But, he won't stop her without paying the price. 

I really enjoyed this movie. It was silly and I laughed my ass off through most of it. Even my boyfriend, who usually doesn't enjoy my silly-funny horror movies, enjoyed it. And I'll say this: Jason Mewes as a vampire = awesome. I think he's pretty hot as it is, but chained up in his friends basement chowing down on who-knows-what out of a little feeding dish? Oh yes. I found myself screaming to my boyfriend, "I want one! I want one!" Of course, I don't think he'll get me one, but oh well. Watch this movie. You know Jay is goofy, and even in a horror movie he's funny. 

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