#60 -- Isolation (2005)

Director: Billy O'Brien
Rating: 2 / 5

On a dairy farm in Ireland, a strange genetic experiment is being conducted. A scientist wishes to create genetically altered cows that will become fertile at an earlier age. One of the cows on the farm becomes pregnant and gives birth to a half-dead little calf. The vet assigned to the experiment soon discovers, through an autopsy, that the calf had been pregnant.

But the calf wasn't pregnant with another little baby calf – no, it was pregnant with some little worm/scorpion things. There were, I believe, six of them, and only one survived. Now it is making its way through the farm, searching for host bodies, and growing at a fast rate. Oh, and these mutant cow-things can infect humans by biting them. So, here we have zombie-cow-scorpion-worm things. 

It seems like the first thirty minutes of this movie consist of a veterinarian's arm shoved up inside a cow's ass. The rest, for the most part, is extremely slow. There is a lot of jibber jabber and not a lot of action; and, to my disappointment, we never get a really good look at the calf's mutant offspring. I know it was big, hungry, and probably pretty fucked-up looking. But I'm not sure. I was excited about seeing this movie, because I am a lover of anything and everything Irish, but…That fact just couldn't make me like this movie. The story was absolutely ridiculous, it was too slow, and honestly…it was just gross. I don't think this is much of a horror movie, besides the last twenty minutes which were spent trying to kill of the mutant cow-zombie-scorpion thing. Everything else was just weird. I'm a vegetarian, but if I weren't – I think I would be now. I definitely don't want to go anywhere near a cow any time soon. 

Watch this movie if you want to see cow-fisting and butt babies.

1 comment:

  1. Nothing can make a pathetically slow inside-out cow scary.