Surviving the Horror

This is an interactive list of tips on how to survive a horror movie. Everyone knows that people in horror movies are stupid, and there are simple ways to avoid the tricky situations they get themselves in. I've thought of some on my own, but I need some help here. So, send in those comments and join me in creating this helpful survival guide. 

  1. DON'T GO UP THE STAIRS. This is the most discussed error people make in horror movies. It's just plain stupid. Oh, the door is locked, you say? UNLOCK IT. Most doors do unlock from the inside, you dumbshit, so unlock it and head out.
  2. Don't investigate any creepy noises.
  3. Stay away from clowns. Simple. They may be smiling, but they're not happy. They're smiling because they're imagining what your guts will look like splattered all over the floor. Either that, or they're picturing you naked. Either way, clowns are bad news.
  4. Don't beg the killer not to kill you. He's not going to listen.
  5. Don't have sex. If you do, keep it clean.
  6. If you're male...try to think like a female. Females are considered the weaker sex, but they are usually the survivors in horror movies. Men have pride; they're macho, and they try to act like a hero. Don't do that. Admit that you're scared; let yourself feel the terror, and realize that you're fighting for your life.
  7. If you're in the woods...get out.
  8. If you're in a big creepy house...get out.
  9. If you can't see the killer, that doesn't mean he he can't see you. Never let your guard down.
  10. Never assume the killer is dead.
  11. Do not shower when you're alone in the house.
  12. Don't hide. This goes for any kind of adversaries. Serial killers, zombies, vampires, ghosts, whatever. You're only going to get yourself trapped.
  13. Children know what they're talking about. You might thing they're silly, but listen to them.
  14. If you find a child way out in the country, though...that child will probably fuck you up.
  15. Animals also know when shit's going down. Heed their warnings.
  16. Do NOT piss off Native Americans. They might not harm you personally, but they will curse you like a motherfucker.
  17. Expect the unexpected. Never assume you know exactly what's going on. Everyone's a suspect.
  18. Be a good person. You never know who will snap and kill you for making fun of them.
  19. If somethings seems scary, or boasts that it is scary...stay away.
Viewer Contributions
  1. If you stop by a local restaurant/diner/gas station and the locals are either a) bat shit crazy, b) warning you about the local spot you and your idiotic friends are going to or c) racist, get in your car and turn around - from Matt over at Man Vs. Horror


  1. How about staying together and never go anywhere by yourself. Especially in dark and unfamiliar places. SG-14