#12 -- Staunton Hill (2009)

Director: George Cameron Romero
Rating: 2 / 5

Reading the synopsis, this movie sounds good; it's a good story. It could have been, at least. And the fact that it was created by George A. Romero's son makes you think, "Hey! This might be good." But after watching it, I'm only thinking, "Hey, I think Georgie's wifey might'a had a 'lil somethin' something' on the side." Because he sure didn't pass his talents onto his son.

Staunton Hill follows a group of friends who are traveling. They meet up with a guy at a garage, and he offers to give them a ride. They end up at an old farmhouse. Everything is fine for a while, except for the dumb kid that they all make fun of. And then people start dying. 

The film-makers don't try to hide anything. You know who the killer is from the beginning, and it doesn't take long for you to figure out the "why." There is no suspense at all. It's zzzz...boring. It seems like they're selling fresh body parts on some sort of black market for dumb hillbillies. But it turns out that there was a little girl who had been in an accident, and they are trying to find the parts to stitch her back together again. I'm not quite sure if they sold things aside from that, but I'm not going to watch it again to find out. Nuh-uh, no way, Jose. 

The killer isn't actually that bad of a guy (dumb, but not too bad). You'll actually feel a bit sorry for him. If not for his fat, overbearing mother and asshole of a grandmother, he probably wouldn't be caught up in this mess. In fact, our heroin survives only because she told him she was his friend.

This movie definitely stinks. But it wasn't entirely unwatchable - I did actually sit through the whole thing - which is why I gave it two stars instead of one. But still, I wouldn't recommend this one. If you're drunk, maybe - REALLY drunk - you might enjoy it. But otherwise...Just don't.

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