#1 -- Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead (2006)

Director: Lloyd Kaufman
Rating: 5 / 5

My first thought: A musical about zombie chickens? I MUST SEE IT.

In my opinion, Lloyd Kaufman is a complete genius. This movie more than proves it. The story is, I think, creative as shit. A restaurant, American Chicken Bunker, is built over an ancient Tromahawk Indian Burial Ground. The Native Americans are pissed because the "white devils" cannot (or will not) respect their land. The chickens are also pissed because the carnivores kill and devour them. By way of a curse, the Native American spirits enter the frozen chicken carcasses. Thus, creating ZOMBIE CHICKENS. Yes, zombie chickens. 

The main characters, Arby and Wendy (original, I know), are ex-lovers just out of high school. After one semester in college, Arby returns to the graveyard where he and his sweetie made with the nasty only to find that it has been replaced by an ACB. He also finds that his sweet, sweet Wendy is now a carpet-munching animal rights activist. Arby decides to get a job at ACB to spite her and all the other hippie hoes. 

There are wonderfully sick and amazing kills in this one. A creepy peeper is fisted up the ass; a pair of underwear (Arby's) is snatched from his hands (through his mouth) and back out through the butthole. A chicken-fucking redneck has a mop shoved into his ass by an Arab, because she, somehow, thinks this will get the demon chicken off his dick. A fat guy shits himself to death. A gay Mexican (Paco Bell) is shoved into the grinder by - you could probably guess - a demon chicken; he is then made into a Sloppy Jose (or Sloppy Paco). This doesn't stop him from being awesome, though. He helps our heroes out as a very informed talking sandwich. 

Some quotes:
* "I'll believe in the supernatural when I see it, talking sandwich." - Arby to Paco.

* "America just isn't ready to accept a gay Mexican chicken sandwich." - Paco

* "We all take it in the dumper sometime, boy." - General Lee Roy.

*"I was trying to help him!" - Hummus
"By fucking him to death with a mop!?" - Denny

* "God dammit! Holy mother of god! Hummus, you're so hot! I just wanna fuck you! Give me head! Right now!" - Arby

* "How do I get you off? I'll beat you off! I'll choke the chicken!" Arby to the monster-chicken-penis-thing

* "I don't mean to complain. But there's a severed penis in my Sloppy Jose." - Father O'Huluhan (I know I fucked that name up)

* "I hope she does get those seventy-two virginians. 'Cause they ARE for lovers." - Arby

* "Look! I brought our old butt plug!" - Arby

* "How can I love someone who wants me to eat cock?" - Wendy

* "Denny's the name, and franchising is the game. Well, that and Hungry Hungry Hippos!" - Denny

* "I ain't adversed to hearing what's on your dirty little slut chicken mind!" - Carl Jr, chicken fucker.

Not only is this movie hilarious, with catchy and equally hilarious tunage, it stars one of the most adorable motherfuckers I have seen in my life. Oh, and if you look closely, you can see Lloyd Kaufman's balls. Schweeet.

C.L.A.M - Collegiate Lesbians Against Mega-Conglomorations.
Wendy and her girlfriend, Micky.

Arby in an orgy with Wendy, Micky, and.....Carl, Jr?
Arby's face when he realizes he's licking the hairy chest of a chicken fucking redneck is reason enough to see this movie. 

So, go do it.

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