#211 -- Cheerleader Camp (1988)

Rating: 2 / 5
Director: John Quinn

I know what you're thinking. This is about as bland as it gets. The most cliched horror movies take place at camp, right? It all started at a place called Crystal Lake, and people just can't get enough of stupid campers getting killed. Add to it that they're cheerleaders--about the dumbest kind of campers you can find--and you've got campy, cliche cheese.

So, yeah, they're at a cheerleading camp. And they're all getting killed in such grisly ways. One gets a pair of scissors shoved through the back of her head, and another gets squished between a tree and a van. Others were killed off screen, or the actual kill wasn't shown, so those are the only memorable ones this movie has to offer. The only thing different about this is Allison. She's on medication for who knows what, and she has violent nightmares about getting hurt, and about other people getting killed. The suspicion is placed mostly on her, but there are a few other suspects as well.

One suspect is the creepy handyman, Bob. Another is the creepy cook. Then I started to suspect the fat male cheerleader whose sole purpose in the movie was comic relief. I actually really liked him. Then, after a while, I started to suspect the other male cheerleader (played by former heart-throb Leif Garret), and then the team mascot. So, really, I couldn't tell who it was. I'd actually seen the movie before, and I couldn't remember who was killing these poor cheerleaders. At the end the truth, while not really what I expected, really wasn't all that shocking. There was no big surprise as to why this person was killing them--it all made perfect sense.

Okay, let's see just how campy and cliche this movie was. Was there sex? Sure, but really gross sex between the too peppy camp counselor and the old sheriff (the woman dressed like a cheerleader, and the cop ran around in his boxers with a football...ew). There were some boobies, and a creep who liked to spy on those boobies while dressed like an old lady (who could that have been, besides the fat male cheerleader?) There were stupid girls, of course, and a couple of smart ones thrown into the mixture for good measure. There was a punk rock band who you really wouldn't expect to be playing a cheerleading camp party. And oh yes, there was definitely booze. The adults were too drunk to care when a couple of the girls went missing. And when one of them finally decided to go look, she was too drunk to be of any real use. The only purpose she served at that point was getting herself killed. And the sheriff was too drunk to do his job properly, and he was only good at getting himself killed too.

On paper, it sounds like a pretty good movie, if only for the scenes with the fat guy. But on film, it's not great at all. Its biggest problem is that it's boring as hell. I didn't give a shit about any of the characters (besides fattie, of course). Most of them were annoying or uninteresting. The pace was too slow, and the kills were not that great. There was no suspense, no horror. I guess it could have been good, but it just wasn't. And that's coming from the girl who loves nothing more than to see stupid campers getting killed.

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