#227 -- American Horror House (2012)

Rating: 2.5 / 5
Director: Darin Scott

Ah, another Syfy original movie. I really wasn't expecting much, and I honestly didn't want to watch it. But it was recorded on my DVR, and I really didn't feel like getting a DVD or searching through Netflix or On Demand. So, American Horror House it was. It's a Syfy original, so I knew it wasn't going to be great. But I was surprised to find that, as far as Syfy originals go, it was actually pretty good. That being said, I still didn't love it.

It's about a sorority house where some murders happened a long time ago. A crazy little girl murdered her parents, after cooking the cat for dinner. These days, the sorority mother is crazy and kills everyone in the house, and it's haunted by everyone who has been murdered there. What I liked about this was that the kills were actually pretty cool. There was a girl chopped into tiny little pieces by some violin strings. A girl got saw-blades to her face, and another was stabbed in the eye with a beer bottle. The kills weren't problem.

I liked the story to begin with. We saw the crazy little girl at the beginning, and she was singing Itsy Bitsy Spider sitting in front of her parents' bloody corpses. She was pretty creepy, and her short role was actually the best, in my opinion. Hell week for the sorority pledges happened around Halloween, of course, so everyone thought that everything happening was either a Halloween prank or part of initiation. The house mother, you'll be super surprised to discover, wasn't who she said she was, and she wasn't just a plain 'ol killer. Shocker! It was predictable, but that wasn't the problem either. I can forgive it for that. The problem was that it got boring. I wanted to like it, I really did. But after a while, what I liked about it in the beginning began to get redundant. Sure, there are ghosts. Yeah, they're killing people. Get on with it. It really didn't do much more than that. The surprise ending wasn't surprising at all, and it took too long for any real story line to come along.

Besides all the bad stuff, I will still say that this was pretty good for what it was. I've seen a couple of other Syfy originals, and they're all pretty bad. This one wasn't terrible, but it could have used more of a background story, or at least they could have gotten to it a bit quicker. Morgan Fairchild was pretty good as the killer sorority mother, but she wasn't all that creepy to me. It seemed like she tried to be scary, but it really didn't work. The creepiest moments were the few scenes of her younger self singing Itsy Bitsy Spider.

Overall, it was okay. The last Syfy original movie I watched was Haunted High, and this one was much, much better. It wasn't great; but considering where it came from, I was surprised at how not-terrible it was. Here's what you can expect: good kills, hot girls in bikinis, ghosts that aren't scary, and a bad-ass girl that you can really root for. Other than that, you won't get very much out of it.

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