#110 -- Piranhaconda (2011)

Director: Jim Wynorski
Rating: 3/5

With a name like Pihranaconda, you should go into this knowing exactly what to expect. If you're picky and you want nothing but top-notch horror, don't even bother with this one. But if you put away your critic hat and sit back and relax, you just might enjoy this. It starts off with a herpetology professor from the University of Hawaii and his two assistants landing in the jungle. Professor is in search of some rare eggs that he has been hunting for twenty-some years. He's extremely excited when he finally finds them; he loads one up into a plastic container while his female colleague video-tapes it. The male colleague is mesmerized by the beautiful waterfall, so he is the first to witness the river-demon when she emerges to regain what is rightfully hers. After killing the two colleagues, she heads out to find the escaped professor, meanwhile coming across their helicopter pilot; she uncoils and grabs him--helicopter and all--from the sky. The professor runs wild through the jungle, until he meets up with a bunch of thugs who kidnap him and plan to keep him for a ransom.

Meanwhile, a film crew is busy making a horror movie called Headchopper, in which bikini-clad girls are hunted through the forest by a mask-wearing psycho. Their film is shortly shut down, and they head off to the hotel to relax. They'll soon learn, though, that a cancelled film is the least of their worries. They are also kidnapped by the group of thugs, in hopes that their rich studio will pay heaps of money to see to their safety (though they are a low budget film crew, and their studio doesn't give two shits about them).

That's when they finally meet the Piranhaconda. The good professor had been trying to warn them but, of course, everyone just thought he was, quote, "Cuckoo for psycho puffs." When they finally see the river demon with their own eyes, they start to look to the professor for answers. There's a double threat with this one: thugs who will kill them if they don't get their money, and a demon snakefish who just wants to eat them.

Overall, this movie is pretty bad. The acting is bad, the effects are bad, the script is bad (though seriously funny at some parts). But it's definitely entertaining. The pihranaconda is awesome! I love giant animals, so this one was a treat for me. What it is is a giant snake with a piranha-like head. It can crush its victims, swallow them whole, or rip them apart with its mouth full of razor sharp teeth.

If you're even considering watching this movie (you'll find it on the Sci-Fi channel), there's something you should understand about creature features: they're silly. They don't try to be serious. They're there to entertain, test our imaginations, and stretch reality a bit. It might be braindead entertainment, but it's still entertainment. So if you're not into lame movies, you should stay away from Piranhaconda (even if you do like lame movies you should stay away from Piranhaconda, 'cause that bitch'll eat you faster than you can say, "No please don't!")--or creature features in general. I was entertained, you might be too.

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