#114 -- Don't Go In The Woods (2010)

Director: Vincent D'Onofrio
Rating: 3/5

I will be completely honest, I'm not quite sure how to go about this review. Don't Go In The Woods is a slowly paced musical slasher that got really confusing near the end. It is about a group of rock and roll hopefuls that sets out into the woods for some peace and quiet to write music. Nick, the front-man of this group, is the only one who seems to take their music seriously. When their girlfriends show up, intent on having a wild time, Nick becomes extremely angry and frustrated. He was a bit of an ass, but I could see his point. I would be angry too if I had a dream that no one took seriously. It takes about an hour for any real action to happen in this one. Most of the movie consists of the band sitting around and singing songs. The girls, too, sing songs. Everyone in this movie is a singer, apparently. The music was really good. That part, I at least liked. They were very talented, and I know they could have gone places with their music. Near the end of the movie, everyone starts getting killed. But since over half of the movie had already passed, the killing had to happen very quickly. It's a bit jumbled, and it was hard for me to keep track of who was left. The killer is a large man in a black coat and hat, wielding a sledgehammer.

Here's where it gets confusing. Ashley, Nick's girlfriend, is hurt by sledgehammer-man, and she starts seeing Nick covered in blood. I'm not sure if this was a precognitive image, or if she was just going crazy from blood-loss. I don't know if she was feeling that Nick was the killer, or if she was afraid Nick would be next. I believe it is the former, because there are other signs that he might have gone crazy. It did imply that Nick felt he needed to get rid of his band in order to be successful, but I can't be entirely sure. It was an interesting movie, with a few good kills, and like I said, the music was enjoyable. But the slow pacing made me forget that it was supposed to be a horror movie. If the kills had happened more quickly and viciously, and if there had been more suspense thrown in, this would have gotten four stars from me. But as it is, the ending just confused me too much.

If you throw away the knowledge that Don't Go In The Woods is supposed to be horror, you might enjoy it; but as a horror movie it falls short.

Life lessons from Don’t Go In The Woods
  1. If you're going into the woods for some peace and quiet, the first thing you should do is chop up your cell phones with an axe. 
  2. It wouldn't hurt to chop up one of your shoes too, just to make sure that your foot is injured enough so that it will be impossible to run away from the madman trying to kill you.
  3. If you're an artist, take your art very seriously. A lack of determination just might kill you.

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