Directors: Brett Pierce & Drew T. PierceRating: 4/5
Finally! I've found another truly remarkable movie. So, On Demand isn't all bad after all. I wasn't really sure how to feel about this one going into it. There are tons of zombie horror-comedies out there, so I figured it would be just like all the rest of those. But it really wasn't, because is was a romantic zombie horror-comedy. Sounds weird, right? Well, I guess it's pretty weird on paper, but it actually really worked. It's about a guy named Mike who wakes up one night to discover that he's a zombie, and he's been dead for three years. Before he bit the bullet, he was planning on proposing to his girlfriend, Ellie, but that didn't work out too well. Right after he wakes up, he runs into another zombie named Brent, who's a little on the strange side. While Mike was murdered, Brent died from auto-erotic asphyxiation. But Brent wants to help Mike find Ellie, so that he can tell her how he feels and finally give her the ring he's been keeping in his pocket for three years. They go on a little zombie road trip, meeting up with a crazy old man who gives them a ride. Oh, Mike and Brent are "smart" zombies. Apparently there was some sort of military experiment (isn't there always?),
and a certain few people were injected with a different strain of the virus. While Mike and Brent still have their minds, all the other zombies are the mindless sort we've grown to love. They pick up one of these such zombies, name him Cheese, and keep him as a sort of pet. Cheese is a big dude, and he acts like their body guard. So when the fuzz starts chasing them, trying to take them down, they've got to deal with Cheese, who is much stronger than the average man. They encounter some things that set them back a bit, to the point that they feel they can't go on. They meet a bunch of rednecks in a bar, and they almost don't make it out once everyone realizes they're zombies. They meet a cop out in the woods, but Cheese takes care of him with the quickness. And there's always the government officials on their trail. We 
eventually learn the true nature of Mike's death, and it ain't a pretty picture. But he overcomes all that, finds his girl and spills his guts to her (fortunately, I don't mean that literally). I've never seen a movie quite like this. Sure there was My Boyfriend's Back, but that wasn't quite the same. This one was actually very funny. Brent was a crazy character, as was the old man they hitched a ride with. Cheese was cool, and I was sincerely sad to see him go. There are a few other-celebrity look-a-likes in here too. The old dude looks a bit like Adam West; Mike looks like Jared the Subway guy, and Brent reminded me of Beetlejuice, for some reason. So, a zombie romantic horror-comedy. Who would'a thunk it, right? It sounds weird, it is a little weird, but it works. It's a great movie with humor, romance, and zombies. It's a chick flick you can watch with your boyfriend without him getting pissed at you. Everyone wins! Oh, the effects in here were pretty damn good too, and the acting was wonderful. It was well planned, well made, and just...it's awesome. I loved it. So fellow zombie lovers, watch this movie! I'm sure you'll all love it too.
Director: Daniel Zelik Berk
watch it anymore. I finished it, obviously, and it thankfully got a little better toward the end. When all the demons came out, and we got to see the little altar to Satan, it was okay. But up until then, it was people stuck in a building trying to figure out why everyone was dying, and why their bodies kept disappearing. Nothing really happened 
Director: Steve Beck
originally created in 1960. I can't really form that much of an opinion on the original, as I wasn't able to finish watching it. From what I saw of it, though, it was kind of boring. So, as of right now, this is the only case where I enjoyed the remake more than the original. I really love this movie. The ghosts were great, the actors were great, and the whole story was great. I'm not sure what makes it better than the original. All I can figure is that it must be the special effects. Something like this just needs great effects to be...well, effective. Or it could be the fact that one of my favorite actors, Matthew Lillard stars in it. I don't know, but this is definitely one of my favorite movies. I will revisit the original one day and see if my opinion changes, though I don't think it will. I've seen this one at least ten times, and it still hasn't gotten old. I love everything about it, and it will always be one of my favorites.
Director: Sean S. Cunningham
They make a bet to see who can get her first, but they don't expect her to turn them down. When she does, they get pretty pissed and start tormenting her and her family. They murder their animals and destroy their property. They eventually go so far as to try to rape Abby and light her on fire. They have guns, and uncle Charlie ends up getting shot (but no worries; he makes it through). The evil rednecks hide throughout the carnival, and they plan to kill Abby and Loren. But what they don't know is that their father was a military man. They know how to handle themselves. So Loren and Abby set to kicking all those bastards' asses. There is blood, and people die. Uncle Charlie eventually uses the tragedy as a gimmick to get customers to the amusement park, and it brings the family a pretty good deal of money. 
Director: Danny Boyle
They all help each other for a while, until Mark becomes infected and is killed by Selena. Jim and Selena eventually meet with Frank and his daughter Hannah. Frank knows of a radio broadcast, and he knows where it is located. He never wanted to go when it was only the two of them, but now he wants to find the soldiers who have been broadcasting to them. They make it to the broadcast station, only for Frank to become infected. He's killed by the soldiers, who take them back to their safe house. All seems very well at first. They're just about 100% safe with the soldiers looking after them. They have shelter, beds, showers, food, and company. The only thing is...the soldiers have ulterior motives. Since they've been living in a house full of men, they're pretty concerned about the future of the human race. Since they've now got two females with them, they're pretty hopeful. But Selena and Hannah aren't too into that idea, and the whole thing turns into a rape fest. Jim tries to stop them, but he's cast away into the woods to die. He makes his way back, determined to save the girls. But to do that, he'll have to kill all the soldiers. And what better way to do that than unleashing the zombies on them? There's a pretty epic battle, a lot of blood and zombie action, and it's pretty wonderful.
away from. Here, just one zombie is enough to seriously mess shit up. One is scary, but a whole group of them is downright terrifying. What's also scary is the fact that it's so easy to become infected. Infection can happen through a bite, as usual, but it can also occur through contact with blood. If zombie blood is swallowed, or it gets into a cut or orifice, then that person will become infected. So, our survivors had to be extra careful around the infected. Even the dead infected could pass the virus onto them.
Director: Fruit Chan
One has a big light fixture drop on his head, and a woman mysteriously falls from the balcony. These scenes really were not that great. Marcus' visions really torment him, and he's eventually confronted by the dead gypsy girl. There's also something about his dead wife in there, but...I'm not really sure what was going on in that department. She died, but he didn't realize it, and he'd spent the last few months talking to her and visiting her. There was also something weird about the star of his film, as well as the producer, but again...Not quite sure. There were a couple of really disgusting childbirth scenes, which were pretty much the most memorable thing about the entire movie. Sadly.
Director: John Stecenko
inside some sort of limbo. All that Ryan and the Father O'Neil had to do was destroy the mirror that Mary had been imprisoned in. 
Director: Justin Powers
They did smoke it, and they did become zombies. The pot did infect the entire town, but there was no group of friends who we're able to root for; there was no soldier or anyone of the sort. There was no resolution, no hero coming to save the day and rid the town of their infestation. The problem with this one was that it completely lacked a story of any kind. We saw a bunch of different people getting infected by the tainted marijuana, but we didn't know why. We never found out where it came from (or if we did, I don't remember), why it was there, or if there was a way to get rid of it. There was nothing except a bunch of unrelated people getting infected. They never connected to each other in any way. After they filled up the time with pointless zombie infections, the movie ended. That was it. To make it even worse, the zombies were horrible. They had gray skin and green glowing eyes. Yeah, their eyes glowed. But it wasn't even cool looking, because the glowing thing was animated in. It looked stupid. The whole movie was incredibly stupid. It did have scenes with little cartoon joints dancing around and acting silly. That was the best part. 
It had me laughing my ass off, though that might have been because it was really late at night and lack of sleep clouded my judgement. I'm not sure. But it's pretty sad when the only slightly redeeming quality was a bunch of dancing joints.
Director: Wes Craven
Dennis is too determined. He eventually loads him onto a plane at gunpoint and sends him home, but at that point Dennis had already finished his batch of zombie powder. He goes home, shows the powder to his bosses, and all is well. But he's got the feeling that something is wrong over in Haiti. He's still having the hallucinations (or premonitions?) that were caused by a potion the Brazilian Shaman gave him, and his visions are telling him that he has to return to Haiti to help the female doctor that he's grown feelings for. Even though it's probably not the best idea in the world, he returns to Haiti, and an epic battle with the evil bokor commences. But not before he's given a little bit of zombie powder himself.
Directors: Jim Wheat & Ken Wheat
In the second story, a group of girlfriends get lost one night and end up at an old gas station. They meet a creepy attendant who tries to kill them. They get rid of him, only to be chased into the night by his three giant dogs. In the third story, a woman who works as a telephone operator takes creepy messages for one of the apartment tenants. The caller makes his way into the building to harass both women. The stories they tell are pretty simple, but they're very realistic, which is exactly the point the professor was trying to make. When they're all finished telling their scary stories, they experience one of their own. 
Director: Jim Sheridan
After that, the unknown person takes it a step further. He drives into their yard and tries to run Will down with his car. Will also discovered a group of teenagers in his basement doing some sort of ritual, and one of them tells him about the murders. An entire family was murdered in that house five years before, and Will becomes determined to learn everything he can about it. He goes to the police, but they refuse to help him. He does find out that not everyone in the family died, as the girl had told him. The father, Peter Ward, survived. He was arrested, but he thought to be insane and he was sent to a facility. Will decides to visit Peter in the facility, but when he arrives, he discovers that Peter has been released. After that, he speaks to a man who works in the facility. The man shows him videos of Peter, who truly is crazy. But when Will sees Peter's face, he realizes that it's...him. Apparently, after the death of his family, he went insane. He couldn't deal with their deaths, so he completely refused to believe that he was Peter Ward. He created a new identity: Will Atenton. By the time he was released, he couldn't remember anything. So, Will's family is dead. But the thing is, he can still see them. He can touch them, hold them, kiss them. They're a happy family, except for the fact that he knows they're dead. What's terrible about the whole thing is that he can't remember whether or not he killed them. He doesn't feel like he could, because he loves them more than anything, but he just doesn't know. His neighbor doesn't believe that he killed them either. So Will has to try to figure out who actually killed his family, and try to get over them and move on. The identity of the real killer isn't really all that shocking, but the reasoning behind it is. It turned out to be one of those, "Ain't that a bitch," type of things. In the end, Will ends up in an epic battle with the true attackers, and he is finally able to let go of his family. It's a really sad story, to tell you the truth, and I found myself nearly tearing up at the end. But scary? Not so much.
There was one point that made me believe they really were haunting the house, but it never made it 100% clear. I went into it expecting a ghost story, but I didn't get one. There were ghosts, sure; and at one point, Libby did help Will evade the killers. But the ghosts were the good guys. I'm not usually one of those, "stick to the formula or die" types of people, but ghosts are supposed to be scary, right? Especially in a horror movie. It was different; strange but kind of interesting. Just not for a horror. That's what made me feel like this was more of a drama than a horror movie. That's happening a lot lately, it seems. That raises an important question: why are so many drama movies pretending to be horror movies? Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the only one who feels that this is more dramatic than scary. Maybe I'm the only stupid person who thought this was a horror movie. Or maybe it's just classified as thriller which, to me, means it's not quite rough enough to be horror, but too rough to be anything else. Or it's just trying to be horror and doesn't quite make it. Maybe I'm just looking too far into it. I don't know, but I'm tired of my horror movies playing out like dramas. I'm not saying Dream House was a bad movie, because it wasn't, but where was the horror that I was expecting? I was hoping it would be at least a little bit creepy, since there were ghosts involved--and ghost children at that! There were no scares, no gore, and no horror whatsoever. But the story was good, and the actors did an amazing job, so I enjoyed it. It was a good movie; but when it's classified as horror, it just falls short.
Director: Mick Garris
One man even offered to take him all the way to the hospital doorstep, but he was too freaked out by the man to accept the offer. He had many hallucinations during his journey, and death seemed to follow him. He saw a car accident that killed a man; he saw a bunny being devoured by a large dog, and then that dog being taken out by a semi truck. He was obsessed with death, and death seemed to be obsessed with him too. To take a break from walking, he went into a cemetery where he saw a grave that unsettled him. The man, George Staub, died on his birthday, and the quote on the grave was the same as one that his mother liked to say. This told him that, without a doubt, his mother was dead, so he decided to take the next ride with no questions. Unfortunately, the next person to pick him up was none other than George Staub himself. George acted sort of like the grim reaper. I don't know if he was an angel, a ghost, a zombie, whatever. He was a collector, I guess. He gave Alan a choice of who he would take with him. He could save his mother by giving his own life, or he could walk away and let his mother die. He tried to run away from Staub, but of course, no one can run from death. 
We're all afraid of riding the bullet, but we've all got to at some point. So who did Alan choose? Did he sacrifice himself, or did he walk away carrying the greatest of regrets? Who ended up riding the bullet? 
Director: Chad Feehan
We never got to know what the letter said, but it seriously freaked Paul out. When he went to show Adrienne the message in the bathroom, it was gone, as was the letter in the bible. It turned out that the people in the motel knew a little more about Paul than he was comfortable with. After having a shower together, Paul and Adrienne discovered a VHS in the television depicting something horrible that Paul did when he was in college. It truly was a horrible thing, and Adrienne left him after watching it. There was a scuffle between Paul, Frank, and Frank's wife Sandy out in the parking lot, and Paul suddenly woke up in his room with Adrienne still there. Maybe it was a dream? I'm not really sure about that part. But anyways, she disappeared again, and the man from the diner returned. He explained to Paul that he and Adrienne had actually died in that car crash, and that he was giving him the same opportunity that he'd given Frank. If he could guide the next soul into the "truth" then he would be granted an eternity with Adrienne. However, the next soul arrived (the identity of that soul was the best part of the movie, to me), and Paul really didn't do much with him before the guide-man told him that he could leave. He said that he'd made the right decision. This is the part that confused me, really. What decision did he make? Where was he going? Did he get to have Adrienne back? What happened next told me no, he did not get Adrienne back, but I hope I'm wrong. 
Director: Brian Thomson
But anyways, Paulie and The Fish were killed by the ladies and left to rot in their respective bedrooms. I'm not sure what happened to Paulie, because it was pretty quick and didn't really show it. The Fish was attacked by the woman's giant man-eating breasts. Yes, I said it: man-eating breasts. Chuck was eventually attacked too, but he didn't die. He turned into one of them. Oh, I forgot to mention, the girls were vampires, of course.
So he took a bunch of morning after pills and washed them down with alcohol. That didn't kill him, though. He woke up, fine and dandy Chuck and Michelle, also fine and dandy, by his side. 
Director: Jeff Betancourt
Darren was agoraphobic, meaning he was afraid of the outside world, and people in general. Nikki was afraid of getting fat, so she puked her dinner into a bucket every night. And then there was Allison. She said that she was afraid of "losing control," so she cut herself. It was something about most people dealing with their problems internally, but that was impossible for her. She cut herself, making the problem external so that she could deal with it. She also said that she was afraid to stop cutting herself, which doesn't make a lot of sense to me, but I guess some people are like that. Anyways, when her new friends started dying in ways that she alone knew were not accidents, Laura was sure that the boogeyman had followed her. The psychiatrist, Dr. Ryan (Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess) had a little fear of her own: turning out like her schizophrenic mother. But she was a good lady, and she really wanted to help the kids. The doctor, Dr. Allan (Jigsaw, from the Saw series), had an affinity for helping patients who suffered with what he called "boogey-phobia". He treated Tim (from the first movie), Henry, Laura, and a whole lot of other people. He had sort of unorthodox ways of helping them deal with their fears, though. He locked Henry in a closet and told him he couldn't come out until he would admit that there was no boogyeman in there. He had to face his fear, dead on, before he would be let out. So, as the kids were picked off one by one, it seemed that the doctor might have been taking things one step further. He was intent on making them face their fears. 
The others all died in similar but different ways: they had to face their fears before they were killed. So, of course it was the doctor, right? He had to cure them somehow? But things are hardly ever what they seem. Turned out, Dr. Allan had a fear of his own that he wasn't quite ready to admit. The movie took a turn, and the killer was somewhat unexpected. The reason behind the killings was a little confusing at first, but once I thought about it, it made some sense. I think it was about facing your fears, and them becoming them. And after that, forcing others to do the same. Or, as the killer said, showing them what they're really scared of. 
Director: Ulli Lommel
Dennis was obsessed with slaughterhouses, and used animals to torture his victims. He brought along a little wicker box that he filled with creatures he hoped would terrify the women: rats, snakes, scorpions, worms, bugs, etc. He always made them eat the creatures. Once he even made a woman eat a bunch of what looked like raw ground beef. He had a problem with the slaughter of animals, and seemed angry that it happened, and that people didn't seem to care about animals enough. As an animal lover myself, I can understand him there. But I really didn't seem sincere, but rather just an excuse. That could have been due to the horrible acting, but I can't be sure. The kill scenes were boring with no flair, and that's just unacceptable. There was one okay scene, but that was the opening one. It wasn't great, but it was pretty disgusting. It was the only even slightly disturbing thing the movie had to offer. 
Director: Mike Nichols
One thing that really bothered me was the fact that everyone called Patti and Henry little children. I don't know how old those actors are exactly, but I would guess they're around my age (22). They weren't children at all. I think this movie would have been a whole lot better, and a lot creepier, had they cast actual children. There really is something scary about evil children, but adults pretending to be children? It's just stupid and annoying. I also didn't like the lack of an explanation. All the explanation we got was that they lived in a house of candy. That gives us nothing, really. I would have liked more. It was a dark twist on a fairy tale we all know and love, but it failed on so many levels. First of all, it wasn't scary at all. It wasn't even creepy, really. The tune that Patti would hum to call Henry was a little spooky, but it wasn't enough. I hate to see such great potential go to waste, because I believe this movie could have been completely terrifying. Instead, it was boring and disappointing. The ending was stupid, and there was no real suspense leading up to it. Some parts were funny, but sadly, the best character was the first to die. In conclusion...Bread Crumbs was a huge let-down. What I thought would be a scary fairy tale turned out to be a yawn-fest that failed at being even remotely creepy. The killers were a couple of unintelligent 20-somethings pretending to be little children, and it was just poorly thought out. On the drawing board, this probably looked fantastic. But once it was put on film, it failed to be anything other than a one-time view for people who are bored.
Director: Blake Reigle
The ritual was a success, and Kahla did return from the dead. But she wasn't herself. She was a blank slate. Like the Haitian Voodoo zombies, Kahla became Ethan's slave. She wouldn't move or do anything unless Ethan told her to. You would think he'd do some not-so-nice things to her (or make her do things to him), but he was too nice a guy to do that. Plus he was in love with her. All he wanted was for her to be able to speak out and let everyone know that Shane killed her. The problem was that she couldn't remember a damn thing. Ethan tried several ways of making her remember, one of which was dressing up like Shane and trying to re-enact the incident. Nothing worked. So, he kept her hidden in a little makeshift coffin under his bed, and he tried new things every day. It wasn't until Kahla laid eyes on Shane that anything changed. Ethan contacted the archaeologist, Angelica, and she told him all about the Haitian zombies. They were programmed for one thing only: to seek revenge and kill whoever put them in their tomb. Once they locked eyes on their murderer, they would stop at nothing to kill them. Shane was pretty freaked out when he saw Kahla (kind of) alive, but it got worse when she broke into his house and tried to kill him. The police showed up and stopped her, sadly, but she had some tricks up her sleeve. She pulled her pants down, put the knife in Shane's hand, and laid down on top of him. When the police arrived, Shane was arrested for grave robbing and necrophilia. But was Kahla able to get her revenge?
Director: Joel Schumacher
The family that had been visited by Mr. Wirth was actually still alive, and still living on their farm. The stone was a powerful occult object that gave Mr. Wirth the power of necromancy. He could kill anything or anyone, and bring them back to life to become his slave: dogs, horses, humans--anything. His goal was to gain a third eye, which was said would grant him power that could not be stopped. It would happen on an eclipse, but he needed blood to complete the ritual--human blood, and lots of it. The family had found a way to contain him for a while, by painting banishing symbols from an ancient Nordic alphabet on all the doors and windows. They kept him in the cellar and fed him so that he wouldn't become angry. That is where Victor had been for the past two years, trapped in a trailer to feed Mr. Wirth. But when Victor and Evan returned, Mr. Wirth escaped. He enslaved the family's huge dogs, as well as their horses and one of their captives. I will say that bloody, undead horse intent on killing is pretty damn terrifying. Victor and Evan soon learned that there was only one way to kill him. He needed human blood, but his own blood would poison him. They gathered bones that held the blood of his ancestors and, using Evan as bait, tricked him into drinking it. That, of course, wasn't exactly enough to stop him. And there were still more like him out there. 
Liese (the little girl, and Mr. Wirth's first captive) informs the guys that Hitler actually sent out eight people like Mr. Wirth. They thought that, with the help of these stones, and by achieving immortality, there would be no stopping the "master race." So, even if they succeeded in killing Mr. Wirth, there would still be others out there who could possibly continue on their mission. The master race could still overpower and control everything. Holocaust 2.0 could still be a possibility. Something about Nazis in general is terrifying. The whole business of the Holocaust, the true story of it, is scary on its own. But to think that the Nazi party could come up with, and actually execute, something like this is downright horrifying. 
Director: Lance W. Dreesen
Sam was, of course, having a horrible time. She just didn't like the company, but other than that everything was okay. Alex and Cassie were in the bedroom having their fun; Melissa and Jason were outside having their fun; and Derek and Sam were inside chatting. Everything went wrong, though, when Melissa was attacked by some huge beast. Jason ran for it, and almost made it back into the cabin. Almost. His legs were torn off, just like Derek's dad. They shut the door on the beast, only for him to come in through the bedroom window and rape Cassie. It killed her and Alex, but Derek and Sam were able to escape. They went back home, safe and sound. They knew that they were not attacked by any normal animal. Sam's points were these: it walked on two legs, it wore pants, and it could talk. Yep, this werewolf talked to them. And he was funny as hell. He even referenced the Three Little Pigs when trying to break into the cabin. "Little pigs, let me in, or I'll huff and I'll puff, and I'll rip your guts out!" He had all sorts of funny little things to say. Derek and Sam soon began to suspect that Derek's asshole of a stepfather, Mitch, was actually the werewolf. With a little snooping, a DNA sample, and his uncle Charlie's telling of the true story of his father's death, they knew the truth. And they had to stop him.
She had the leather jacket, the nose/lip/tongue piercing, and she was a bad-ass. Everyone was scared of her, and she could definitely take care of herself--and Derek, for that matter. She was just awesome, and I loved it. The story was pretty predictable. I wasn't really surprised at anything other than how much I enjoyed it. The ending was pretty much what you'd expect from a werewolf movie, but that's okay. Even with those couple of things, I still think it was done really well. All of the actors did a wonderful job, there was just enough gore to please me, and the creature effects weren't all that bad either. But what got me was the talking werewolf. I've already mentioned it, but I'll say it again. It wasn't really the fact that he could talk; it was all about what he said. I think that, if he'd been saying serious things about how he was hungry and wanted to eat them, it would have been seriously stupid. But since he was comical and he made us laugh, it worked. That was the only silly part of the movie, though. The rest played out like a horror movie. Kids get killed, survivors try to get revenge on what killed them, while trying to keep from getting themselves killed in the process. It wasn't scary, but it was a good movie. Oh, and also: Mitch would start transforming when he got angry or horny. Yes, horny. He was able to control it on normal days, but on the full moon he just couldn't hold it back. He was a whore, I'll tell you that much. He raped Cassie earlier on in the movie, and he tried to have a go at Sam too. I can't really blame him for that, though, considering the way she collected his DNA sample. Anyways, this is some light entertainment that'll have you giggling. So check it out!