#124 -- The Hazing (2004)

Director: Rolfe Kanefsky
Rating: 4/5

I remember renting this movie with a friend of mine when we were about thirteen or fourteen. We also rented The Blair Witch Project 2. For whatever reason, we ended up watching Blair Witch, and never got around to this one. I wish now that we'd gone the other way. Also known as Dead Scared, The Hazing is just about as cliche as you can get--but it works. It started off with a group of college kids pledging to a fraternity, and a sorority. For some unknown reason, they held their hazings together. I assume this was to fill the movie with both male and female, so they could get a little sexy time in. Anyway. Their first task was a scavenger hunt; they had to go around town and steal all sorts of things to gain points. One of those items was an evil book that was supposed to be able to do anything from raising the dead to giving women orgasms. While obtaining this book, Marsha and Doug accidentally killed their professor who was currently in possession of said book. Or, so they thought. While the professor was lying in a hospital bed, his spirit was with the kids in the infamous and haunted Hack House (where, of course, a man had murdered his family many years before). The kids had to stay in Hack House until morning, while their two pledge leaders attempted to scare the shit out of them. Of course, there were forces in that house more powerful than any asshole frat leader, and things soon took a turn for the worse.

The good professor's disembodied spirit tricked Doug into opening the portal between our world and Hell. Once the portal was open, the professor's spirit was able to exit Hell with full force; and it also gave him the ability to possess the kids so that he could have his evil way with them.

One of my favorite parts in this was when one of the kids lost his tongue in a bit of sexual rendezvous. When confronted by a professor-possessed Doug, he was asked: [pardon my language] "What's wrong, pussy got your tongue?" This gained a bout of raucous laughter from me. This movie was filled with humor, silly situations, and just about every horror movie cliche there is. It was funny, the gore was pretty good, and it was definitely entertaining. To put it simply, The Hazing is a great movie. I was pleasantly surprised, as I've gotten to the point that I don't expect too much these days. It's nice to be able to find a horror movie that is entertaining and doesn't seem to last four hours (you know what I mean. A bad movie seems to last forever, where as a good one doesn't last long enough). And I must say that Marsha (played by Tiffany Shepis, who I realized is a Tromette, which makes it even better) is pretty freakin' hot. My favorite character actually made it through the movie without getting killed, which doesn't happen very often. On an unrelated note, this one also stars Parry Shen, who you might recognize as the tour guide from Hatchet, and Brad Dourif (I've just realized who he is) as the crazy professor. Overall, this is a wonderful movie, and I'm sad that it took me almost ten years to finally watch it.

#123 -- Monster Brawl (2011)

Director: Jesse T. Cook
Rating: 4/5

Attention all fans of horror and wrestling: this is the movie for you. Monster Brawl was a story of...well, a monster brawl. In a secret graveyard with no audience (for safety purposes) the Monster Brawl took place. Monsters were summoned from around the world to compete in a fight-to-the-death match for the coveted monster's heavyweight championship. Before each match, we got a little bit of backstory about each monster, as well as their statistics (weight, height, number of wins, and any sort of special powers). There was also a little bit of pre-match trash talk, as there is with any good wrestling match. First up in the middleweight creature division, we had Cyclops vs. Witch Bitch, with Cyclops coming out victorious with a laser eye-beam. Next, in the middleweight undead division, was Mummy vs. Lady Vampire, with our vampire gaining the victory by ripping out the black heart of the former Pharaoh. And then we were on to the heavyweights, starting with Werewolf vs. Swamp Gut. Werewolf took the win by squashing the gigantic gut of the swamp creature. Next up was Frankenstein (the monster, not the doctor) vs. Zombie Man. At first, I was undecided on who to root for in this one, as I love both zombies and Frankenstein's Monster. I finally settled with rooting for Frankie (since there are millions of zombies and only one of him). My cheers were rewarded with Frankie taking the win by way of a headcrushing foot-stomp, which was followed by all the zombies in the graveyard coming to life to avenge their fallen comrade.



And finally, what we were all waiting for: the main event. The Monster's Heavyweight Championship match, with Frankenstein vs. Werewolf. Never in my life did I imagine I would see Frankenstein's Monster deliver an elbow-drop, but as they say: never say never. This was an incredible match, with twists and turns and complete awesomeness. I mean, Frankie vs. Wolf Man? Who would'a thunk it? So who came out victorious in this match, and who became the heavyweight champion of the world? Watch it and find out!

I actually really enjoyed this. If you think it sounds extremely silly, that's because it is. It wasn't meant to be an amazing shit-your pants type of horror movie. It was meant for entertainment, and it succeeded splendidly. If you don't go into it expecting to have your mind blown, I think you may be entertained. If you're not a fan of wrestling, you might not like it too much. But as a wrestling fan myself, I enjoyed it. The make-up was hit and miss. Some were good, some were not so good. But that wasn't what I was concerned with, so I didn't mind it too much. This one starred Jimmy Heart as the ring announcer, and Kevin Nash as Zombie Man's trainer. I also must mention the announcers. They were definitely entertaining, with some very funny comments, one of which was, "That was a wicked kick to the dick." All in all, Monster Brawl was definitely an interesting and entertaining movie. It was silly, and contained two things that I enjoy: horror and wrestling. I think in the next installment, they should include an alien, a demon, and perhaps Hades himself (since Cyclops was constantly threatening him). Check this one out if you're looking for some light entertainment.

Another Liebster Blog Award!

I was starting to get a little nervous, because I wasn't getting any new followers and pretty much no comments whatsoever. But I guess no comments doesn't mean that no one's reading. Or at least someone thinks of me when award time comes around, and I'm really grateful for that! It makes me feel so special inside. This Liebster award comes from Dr. Blood over at Dr. Blood's Video Vault. First of all, I'd like to thank Dr. Blood for so graciously passing this award onto little 'ol me. Secondly, I must address the rules of this award.

• Each person must post 11 things about themselves.
• Answer the questions the tagger has set for you.
• Create 11 questions for the people you have tagged to answer.
• Choose 11 people and link them in your post.
• Go to their page and tell them.
• No tag backs.

My eleven facts

1. I'm a natural red-head, so watch out!
2. I LOVE cookies. My nickname is Cookie Monster.
3. I collect bouncy balls and ticket stubs.
4. I haven't eaten meat in 8 years.
5. I was a band geek in high school.
6. My mom calls me Lucy, because I remind her of Lucille Ball.
7. I truly believe that the zombie apocalypse is in our near future.
8. I have three dogs: two chihuahuas and a malti-poo. 
9. My boyfriend is 6'2, and I'm 5'0. We look kind of weird.
10. I could live on nothing but potatoes. Mhmm!
11. The only game in the world I am good at is air hockey.

Dr. Blood's Questions
1. If you were stranded on a desert island, which three horror movie hotties would you want with you?
Debbie Rochon, Debbie Rochon, and Debbie Rochon. Is that cheating?

2. Chocolate muffins or chocolate cupcakes?
Can I pick chocolate cookies? No? Cupcakes, I guess.

3. What kind of computer do you use?
A really crappy Toshiba.

4. If you could be famous for one thing, what would it be?
Being a bestselling author.

5. How many M&Ms can you get into your mouth all in one go?
I don't like M&Ms.

6. Can you lick your own elbow?
No, but I can lick my own nose.

7. Which actor or actress do you hate the sight of the most?
I don't really hate the sight of anyone. But the actor I find the most overrated is Nicholas Cage.

8. Have you ever woken up naked in a field?
Ha-ha! No, my stories aren't ever so interesting.

9. Hello Kitty or Pokemon?
Poke'mon!

10. Oysters marinated in cat urine. Eat or die?
I would die, return as a zombie, and eat the hell out of whoever cooked that nasty crap.

11. What's the scariest movie you have ever seen?This changes all the time because once I see a movie a couple of times, it doesn't scare me anymore. As of right now, I'd have to go with Dead Silence. That dummy freaks me the hell out!

My questions

1. Which horror situation would you least like to be stuck in?
2. What grosses you out the most?
3. What is your dream job?
4. What do you think was the best decade for horror?
5. Describe your personality in three words.
6. Do you have an idea that you would like to see made into a horror movie?
7. What is your favorite non-horror movie?
8. Who is your favorite author?
9. What was your biggest fear when you were a kid?
10. What's your biggest fear now?
11. Describe your dream home.

My 11 Liebsters
Memoirs of a Scream Queen
Annie Walls
Living Dead Girl Nicole
Little Gothic Horrors
Hollys' Horrorland
Girl on Gore
Back Online Back On Duty
Something wickED this way comes
Doctor Carnage
The Girl Who Loves Horror
Horrorcentric

#122 -- Foreign Movie Challenge: Bloody Reunion (2006)

Director: Dae-wung Lim
Rating: 4/5

This is my last entry in the foreign movie challenge. Sadly, I didn't get one in every day like I'd planned, but I still had a pretty interesting week of movie viewing. Today's choice was a Korean movie called Bloody Reunion (also known as "To Sir, With Love" though I'm not really sure why. Bloody Reunion actually fits the story better). It's an interesting movie with elements I've never seen in an Asian horror movie. It is about a group of people who go to visit with their old elementary school teacher, who is very ill. Their teacher, Mrs. Park, was apparently horribly cruel to them when they were in school, and they all came back to see just how she could live with herself knowing what she'd done to them. Mrs. Park had a deformed son who the children were all scared of when they were young (and whose deformity also caused her husband to commit suicide). When the group starts dying in grisly ways, it seems that the deformed child of Mrs. Park is the only one to blame.

THE GOOD

There were many good things going on in this one. First and foremost, the gore. This is the most gore I've seen in a serious Asian horror film. There are those that are meant to be silly, and they are almost always full of gore. But the more serious ones, the ones meant to actually frighten, usually rely on jump-scares and an eerie atmosphere. In that way, Bloody Reunion was very different. Also, it was a slasher movie! I have never seen an Asian slasher movie, so that was refreshing. The rabbit mask. Mrs. Park's son wore a bunny mask to cover his deformed face. It sounds kind of silly on paper, but it was actually pretty frightening. I also liked the character development. Each of the kids' stories concerning Mrs. Park were interesting and I was able to relate to them. Each of them felt put down by her; they were made to feel as if they were not good enough, and they grew up trying to change themselves to fit the image she had set in their minds. She ruined their lives. The story was a good one, but that's nothing new with Asian horror. And I must say: the kills. This little rabbit-man was truly vicious! He looked to be small, but he definitely was not weak.

THE BAD

The only bad thing I could say about this was that it didn't go into very much depth about the horrible things Mrs. Park did to her students. They each gave a vague speech about what happened to them, but I would have liked to see more. One student was told that she was too fat, and she grew up to become obsessed with her image, and she eventually spent all of her money on plastic surgery (which left her with a pair of messed up eyes). One was made to feel lousy because he lost a race, which caused him to focus his energy on becoming more athletic; this caused an injury that would effect him for the rest of his life. One girl who was poor gave Mrs. Park a homemade gift that she only laughed at because it wasn't as good as money, though she didn't seem to have any lasting difficulties because of it (I could be wrong, though). And one student seemed to have been sexually abused by Mrs. Park. They were easy to relate to, I just would have liked more description so that I could have felt that more. It's a very small point, and it didn't take away from the movie's overall entertainment.

I also didn't care very much for the ending. It was somehow good, yet disappointing at the same time. All the way through the movie, I was thinking "Hey! This is different" because I'd never seen an Asian horror movie quite like it. But at the end, it was just another revenge story. The story was good, and it explained a lot of things that had happened earlier. I didn't hate it, but I was hoping for a full-blown slasher movie. Also, at the end, the deformed child seemed to have disappeared. The ending had a twist that didn't involve him, but his role in everything was dismissed, it seemed. I wondered what happened to him, because I kind of liked him. I can always relate to the "freak."

THE STRANGE

I know I already said this in the "good" section, but I believe it belongs here as well: the rabbit mask. It is definitely strange, but in a most awesome way. Overall, Bloody Reunion is a great movie, with elements not typical for Asian horror, and it was a nice ending to the foreign movie challenge.

After a small break, I'll be starting a Classic Movie Challenge, where I'll watch nothing but old movies. So stay tuned for that! As for this challenge, I  enjoyed it and look forward to doing it again in the future.

#121 -- Foreign Movie Challenge: Funny Games (1997)

Director: Michael Haneke
Rating: 2/5

Today's choice was a German movie about a rich family spending time at their vacation home. Their vacation goes horribly awry when two young men from next door (supposedly) show up and cause mayhem. It all starts when one of the men asks the lady of the house--Anna--to borrow some eggs. After dropping and cracking the eggs a few times, Peter's accomplice--Paul--shows up and asks to try out one of Anna's husband Georg's golf clubs, which he uses to kill their dog. They keep them hostage in their own home, claiming that they want to play some games. This is what kept me interested in the movie. I was curious to see just what sort of funny games they wanted to play. But they games were not funny, nor were they interesting. One they called "Kitten in a bag" or something like that. They put a pillow case over Georg Junior's head, while making Anna strip naked. They didn't touch her; they just wanted to see if she had any flab. Next, they used the "eeny meeny miney mo" tequnique, using Anna's age to count, to figure out who they would kill first. The lucky winner was Georg Junior. Peter and Paul left after killing the boy, and Anna and Georg figured it was time to skedaddle. But Georg was badly wounded, so Anna had to go out all by herself. She stupidly decided to hitchhike, and was picked up and Peter and Paul once again. Their next game was called "The Loving Wife." They would let Anna decide how they would kill Georg--with a shotgun or with a knife--or she could take his place.





There were some very strange parts of this movie. Paul kept looking at the camera, as if he were talking to the audience. Once, it was just a wink. Then he asked what we thought Anna should do, whether or not she should play along with them. I think this was an attempt to make the audience feel like they were a part of these sick little games, making them even more uncomfortable than they already were to begin with. That, or they were trying to make the audience feel like voyeurs, watching these terrible things and doing nothing about them. I think it's an interesting idea, and could have been good if they had kept it going. But it only happened a few times, and that just made it weird. There was no suspense in this one; no horror, hardly any action whatsoever. The only thing that kept me going was interest in the games, which never became interesting. From the synopsis, it sounded like it could have been an interesting and depraved movie, but I was disappointed. I'm not saying these guys weren't depraved; they certainly were. The scary thing about it, though, is that this sort of thing actually does happen. That was the one redeeming quality here: that it was believable. The actors all did an amazing job, and I believed every bit of it. It just wasn't interesting. It was boring, especially the bit where Anna sits on a chair and stares into space for about five minutes. Then she gets up, turns the TV off, and stares into space for another five minutes. That's unacceptable in my book. Movies are supposed to hold your attention, not make you twiddle your fingers waiting for something to happen.

I found out that there is an American remake of this movie starring Michael Pitt, an actor that I thoroughly enjoy. I actually would like to see this, because I'm used to seeing Mr. Pitt play introverted characters who are easily pushed around. If he does indeed play Paul, this should be a nice change for me. If he's Peter, it won't be much different. But I digress. This movie was disappointing, and it definitely isn't for everyone. It's a little disturbing, but not enough for me.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED

• Georg is pronounced much differently than I thought it was.
• Beware of skinny-legged golfer boys and their chubby accomplices.
• Don't let anyone borrow your eggs--EVER.

#120 -- Foreign Movie Challenge: Sick Nurses (2007)

Directors: Piraphan Laoyont & Thodsapol Siriwiwat
Rating: 4/5

A male doctor was dating a man who wanted to marry him. He told his boyfriend that he couldn't marry a man, so the boyfriend had a sex change. Instead of marrying him/her, like he promised, he started sleeping with his/her sister--and all the other nurses at the hospital too, it seems. Oh, and this was kind of a mad doctor, because he sold corpses to some unknown buyer. When the boyfriend/girlfriend found out about his infidelity, she went crazy and threatened to uncover their sick little business. Instead of going to prison, they all decided that she'd become their next sell. They killed her and tried to sell her; however, the buyer didn't show up on time. One of the girls mentioned that, "a soul will return to the one they love after seven days." Seven days after she died, she returned to seek vengeance, in some pretty grisly ways. The ghost possesses the girls' hands/arms and makes them harm themselves.




I love Asian horror. I've had it freak me out or just plain scare the shit out of me. But I've never watched one that grossed me out. I don't get grossed out by typical things, like most people. Decapitation and evisceration don't bother me. Actually, I think they're pretty awesome. It's simple things that I can imagine happening to me that weird me out. I can't imagine how it would feel to have my head cut off; but I can definitely imagine how it would feel to have a needle shoved down through my finger. This is the first Asian horror movie to have that effect on me, which is cool. The only thing I didn't like was that it jumped around a lot. It was in present time one minute, and all of a sudden it went to a flashback. I got kind of hard for me to keep up with what was happening, and what had already happened.

THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR

• A woman is forced to cut off her own jawbone, and then she is choked by a pickled fetus.
• A woman has her cell phone embedded into her cheek.
• A woman is forced to dig through trashcans.
• A woman is almost strangled by hair.
• A woman is forced to knock her teeth out with her toothbrush.
• A woman has her head turned into a purse.

There were a lot of weird things going on in this one, as you can tell.

WHAT I'VE LEARNED

• If your friend will have a sex change so you will marry him, you should probably run away from him.
• Selling dead bodies is risky business.
• Sleeping with your girlfriend's sister is even riskier business.
• Asians have very strong hair.

This was pretty good. The gore was wonderful, and that hospital was definitely painted red. There were some good gross out parts (for me, at least), but not very many real scares. The ghost wasn't very scary, especially when she sat provocatively to watch her handy-work. But overall it was a good movie. I mean, sexy Asian nurses? How can you go wrong with that?

#119 -- Foreign Movie Challenge: Let the Right One In (2008)

Director: Tomas Alfredson
Rating: 4/5

I saw the American version, Let Me In, before I saw this one. I really enjoyed the remake, but for some reason I liked this one better. It is the story of two twelve year-old kids in Sweden. The boy, Oskar, is tormented and bullied by his classmates, leaving him more than a little disturbed. Eli (pronounced kind of like "yelli") is a vampire. Eli lives with an older man who acts as a father figure to her, keeping her safe and acquiring meals for her. But he is starting to slip, which ultimately leads to his death. That leaves Eli with no one else to turn to but Oskar. They develop a friendly relationship, being that each really has no one else in their lives. When Oskar discovers Eli's secret, he is surprised and treats her with a little bit of disdain for a short while. Eventually, though, he comes to terms with his new girlfriend's identity, and they begin helping each other. Eli helps Oskar deal with his bullies, and Oskar helps Eli relocate so that she can continue living. The relationship between them is beautiful, in that "alone together" type of way. They're both outsiders, but they've got their own little secret club, so to say.



I found out while searching the web that this was actually based on a book by a Swedish author named John Ajvide Lindqvist. There are some disturbing things in the movie (murderous children, childhood sexuality, etc.), so I can only imagine how the book must be.

One thing I really liked about this one was Eli. She didn't talk much, and she didn't show feelings with her facial expressions. But there was something about her eyes. Maybe it's just me, but I could feel everything she was feeling by looking into her eyes. The actress portraying her did a wonderful job with that. And I can't deny that the language appealed to me too. I love hearing foreign languages, and it just makes it seem so much more exotic to me. I thought this movie was beautiful. It's interesting because it shows a sensitive vampire who still manages to be vicious and frightening. It's almost like Eli is Oskar's protector, because we know nothing can harm him as long as he is with her. And in a way, he is her protector as well. He protects her from her loneliness.

#118 -- Foreign Movie Challenge: Dead Snow (2009)

Director: Tommy Wirkola
Rating: 5/5

I'd been wanting to see this for a while, but I put it off for reasons unknown to me now. I studied German in high school, and I fell in love with that language. My teacher kind of dumbed it down for us, though, so when I hear German people speaking regularly, I'm totally lost and can't understand a word of it. I also love zombies, as you know. So, a German zombie movie was pretty much a must for me. But add into that that they are zombie freakin' NAZIS, and it gets a whole lot better. Nazis were pretty vicious to being with, right? So imagine undead Nazis hungry for flesh.

Back in the midst of World War II, a group of Nazi soldiers occupied the small town of Oksfjord. During a period of three years, they tortured the locals and stole their valuables. After a while, the locals became very irritated and ambushed the Nazis. Those who were not killed, ran off into the mountains and were assumed to have frozen to death. Those valuables stolen by the Nazis ended up in a little cabin in the mountains of present day Oksfjord, where a group of friends were spending their Easter vacation. They were patiently awaiting the arrival of another friend; but little did they know that their friend had become a zombie cheeseburger. Slowly the zombies showed up and started killing the group off one by one. The horror movie lover was the first to realize that they were being attacked by zombies, and he was obviously terrified; he was also the first to die (by having his head ripped in half). The reason for the zombie Nazis' uprising had something to do with those valuables in the cabin, but I'll leave you to figure that one out for yourself.






These zombies were fast, and they were ridiculously strong. Also, here's the kicker: they were actually smart. They still acted like an army, taking orders from their captain and all that jazz. Also, they had a motivation other than hunger. The hunger was definitely there, but that wasn't the only thing keeping them going. It was interesting, and a new spin on zombies, which I loved. And the gore was amazing! Who knew there were so many different ways to kill zombies out in the snow.

THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR:

• A man goes to the outhouse to take a dump. As soon as he wipes his ass, a girl rushes in, takes all her clothes off and jumps his bones. When they're finished, he leaves, and she's pulled through the dump hole by a zombie.
• A girl watches her own guts being torn out.
• A man bites a zombie

WHAT I'VE LEARNED

• German outhouses have hearts carved into the doors, rather than moons.
• Getting bitten by a zombie will turn the victim into one of the undead. But biting a zombie just leaves a bad taste in their mouth.
• Germans are awesome (though I already knew that).

My final words are these: WATCH THIS MOVIE!

#117 -- Foreign Movie Challenge - Muoi: the Legend of a Portrait (2007)

Director: Tae-kyeong Kim
Rating: 4/5

I've seen many bloggers doing challenges. I wanted to do one, but I couldn't find any that were still active, so I decided to do my own. For the next seven days, I will watch nothing but foreign movies. If you'd like to join me in this challenge, just let me know so I can check out what you're doing and follow you if I haven't already. Today's entry in the Foreign Movie Challenge is Muoi: the Legend of a Portrait.

One hundred years ago, a girl named Muoi fell in love with a handsome artist. He starting painting a portrait of her, but was unable to finish it. Muoi found out that her lover was engaged to a jealous wealthy woman. His fiance tracked Muoi down and tortured her; she had one of her legs broken, and poured acid on her. Instead of facing her lover when he returned, she hung herself and swore vengeance. Her spirit was banished into the unfinished portrait, where it remained for a short time. The seal was broken, however, and her spirit was unleashed. Her lover returned to where her portrait hung. It was said that a person could wake her up, and ask her to seek vengeance on someone who has wronged them. But there's always a price to pay.

In the present time, a young novelist from Korea--Yun-Hui--traveled to Vietnam to visit with a friend--Seo-Yeon--for help researching her second book. Her first book was about Seo-Yeon, and it was based on terrible rumors. While learning the legend of Muoi, strange things began to happen. Yun-Hui was having terrible dreams, hearing strange noises, and she started to believe in Muoi's legend. Seo-Yeon was angry because of Yun-Hui's book, and she was never able to forgive her. She wanted revenge. There was only one way to end the curse-either Yun-Hui or Seo-Yeon had to die. Or so she thought...



I really liked this one. I'd never heard of a haunted portrait, so that was new to me. It definitely had its terrifying moments, and I loved the story of Muoi. The terrible betrayal between Seo-Yeon and Yun-Hui's friends was tragic and sad, and made everything that much more understandable. The only problem I had with this one was that it took a little too long for the action to start. I love Asian horror, with all those jump-scares, and women with long black hair crawling around. It definitely had some of that, but it just took too long for me. The ending was wonderful, in an awful kind of way. I know one thing for sure: I will never betray an Asian person--EVER. Almost all the movies I've seen involve betrayal and a vengeful ghost, so they must be big on trust. Their ghost might not haunt me, but I'm sure there'd be hell to pay in some other fashion. So if there's one thing to learn from Asian horror movies, it's to be very nice to your Asian friends.

#116 -- It's My Party and I'll Die If I Want To (2007)

Director: Tony Wash
Rating: 4/5

I'm all about some ghost stories lately, for some reason. Here's the thing about ghost stories: they're either really good or completely horrible. This one is pretty awesome. First, a little backstory. In the early 1900s, a man named Burkitt went bonkers and killed his family. He got his wife with a hacksaw, and his six children with a meat tenderizer. He arranged their heads around the dinner table, before sawing off his own arms and legs and joining them. Fast forward to the present...Sarah's having a halloween/birthday party in the long-abandoned Burkitt manor. Don't worry, I'm jealous of the whole birthday on Halloween thing too. But in this case, it's not such a good thing. See, Sarah's party was a surprise, and by the time she found out about it and showed up, half her friends were already dead. Oh, and these aren't your average ordinary ghosts. They're more like zombies. And once one of the friends got killed, they turned into one of them too. They didn't eat anyone, but they definitely looked more like zombies than ghosts.

_{Someone looked under a bed to find these two little bundles of joy. AHHH!}

I must mention that Sarah was sort of a karate master, so when the last of her friends died, she went all Bruce Lee on one of the ghost-zombies. It sounds kind of lame, but it really wasn't. Sarah was a bad-ass! And she was dressed as Elvira! Anyways, the fight kind of looked like a bar-fight, except the zillion stab wounds, and the fact that Sarah split the ghost in half with a katana. A couple more pluses for this movie: Tom Savini had a cameo as Sarah's friend's uncle Tom, the electrician. And, Sarah came home from school with a cardboard cut-out of Jason Voorhees that said "Happy birthday!" in a speech bubble. I'm so jealous!

My thoughts? This movie was great. One of the last lines was, "Hey, that's a big hammer." And then the guy gets said hammer (which was actually a meat tenderizer) to his face. The ending was one of those "Ain't that a bitch" deals, but I don't want to ruin anything, so I'll leave it at that.

WHAT WE'VE LEARNED:

• Don't have a halloween/birthday party in a haunted manor.
• Katanas and kung-fu skills are very effective against ghosts.
• In haunted houses, if you cut yourself on a nail, all of your skin will fall off and you will magically grow hair.

#115 -- The Unnamable (1988)

Director: Jean-Paul Ouellette
Rating: 4/5

There are things on God's earth that we can't explain and we can't describe. From the depths of Hell comes...The Unnamable.

Back in (I'm assuming) the 1800s, a man is keeping some kind of woman-beast locked away in his attic. It is constantly screaming, a truly terrifying screech. He is able to eventually quieten it, lets it out of its cell, and it rips his heart from his chest. Fast-forward to the 1988, and a couple of college kids try to decide whether the stories they've heard about the house are true. One of them decides to check it out, while the other two would rather not risk it and head back to campus. When their friend does not return the following day, they are forced to return to investigate. Along with Carter and Howard, there are four other students in the house. John and Bruce are checking the house out, because they plan to use it to pledge possible brothers into their fraternity; Wendy and Tanya are along for the ride. They soon discover that they're not alone in the house, and "something" is trying to kill them all. Carter is the bookworm of the group, and he spends the majority of the time in the living room reading old dusty books, in hopes that he will figure out just what the creature is and how to defeat it. It seems that the old man back in the 1800s, Mr. Winthrop, attempted to resurrect his dead wife using his trusty Necronomicon. She became The Unnamable beast.



The beast is sort of like a horse-dragon. It has hoofed feet, clawed hands and small wing-like things protruding from its back. It is so strange that it's almost comical, but no less frightening. It is actually quite terrifying. While the kids are either dead or trying desperately to find a way out of the house, Carter is out in the yard--in the tomb of Mr. Winthrop--calling on Tree-Spirits to protect them. While our last two surviving kids are struggling to evade the beast, trees burst through the windows and create a barrier between them.

Based on a short story by H.P. Lovecraft, The Unnamable is indeed an interesting movie. I really enjoyed it up until the trees attacked the beast. That's where it lost me, because that was a bit cheesy even for me. That doesn't mean I didn't thoroughly enjoy this movie, though. It was different and interesting, and it had me freaked out a little bit. I really fell in love with the character of Howard; I love when I can have feelings for a certain character, and feel for them and hope that they get out of it alive. The other characters were kind of dim, and Carter just got on my nerves (the way he talked was extremely annoying, and he was a bit condescending). Overall, this was a good movie. I've only read one story by Mr. Lovecraft, and that was the Cthulu Mythos. Now I am very interested in reading The Unnamable. I can only imagine how H.P. Lovecraft eloquently described the beast; I know it must be beautiful. If you're a fan of weird and strange things, definitely check this out. Mrs. Winthrop, the unnamable beast, is definitely a strange thing to behold.

#114 -- Don't Go In The Woods (2010)

Director: Vincent D'Onofrio
Rating: 3/5

I will be completely honest, I'm not quite sure how to go about this review. Don't Go In The Woods is a slowly paced musical slasher that got really confusing near the end. It is about a group of rock and roll hopefuls that sets out into the woods for some peace and quiet to write music. Nick, the front-man of this group, is the only one who seems to take their music seriously. When their girlfriends show up, intent on having a wild time, Nick becomes extremely angry and frustrated. He was a bit of an ass, but I could see his point. I would be angry too if I had a dream that no one took seriously. It takes about an hour for any real action to happen in this one. Most of the movie consists of the band sitting around and singing songs. The girls, too, sing songs. Everyone in this movie is a singer, apparently. The music was really good. That part, I at least liked. They were very talented, and I know they could have gone places with their music. Near the end of the movie, everyone starts getting killed. But since over half of the movie had already passed, the killing had to happen very quickly. It's a bit jumbled, and it was hard for me to keep track of who was left. The killer is a large man in a black coat and hat, wielding a sledgehammer.






Here's where it gets confusing. Ashley, Nick's girlfriend, is hurt by sledgehammer-man, and she starts seeing Nick covered in blood. I'm not sure if this was a precognitive image, or if she was just going crazy from blood-loss. I don't know if she was feeling that Nick was the killer, or if she was afraid Nick would be next. I believe it is the former, because there are other signs that he might have gone crazy. It did imply that Nick felt he needed to get rid of his band in order to be successful, but I can't be entirely sure. It was an interesting movie, with a few good kills, and like I said, the music was enjoyable. But the slow pacing made me forget that it was supposed to be a horror movie. If the kills had happened more quickly and viciously, and if there had been more suspense thrown in, this would have gotten four stars from me. But as it is, the ending just confused me too much.

If you throw away the knowledge that Don't Go In The Woods is supposed to be horror, you might enjoy it; but as a horror movie it falls short.

Life lessons from Don’t Go In The Woods

1. If you're going into the woods for some peace and quiet, the first thing you should do is chop up your cell phones with an axe. 
2. It wouldn't hurt to chop up one of your shoes too, just to make sure that your foot is injured enough so that it will be impossible to run away from the madman trying to kill you.
3. If you're an artist, take your art very seriously. A lack of determination just might kill you.

#113 -- The Open Door (2008)

Director: Doc Duhame
Rating: 4/5

Every 29 days, on the full moon, people call into a strange radio show. It is called The Open door, and it features an oracle that can grant wishes. Following these wishes, however, people start dying. These are considered murder/suicides, and there have been no survivors. Until now. Angelica has a crush on Brad, and Brad happens to like her too. He invites her to a party, where good things will hopefully happen, but unfortunately Angelica's parents forbid her to go. Angelica gets reports about the party from her best friend Staci, who is not a very good best friend. She lies to Angelica, as well as Brad, causing a little snag in their relationship. She also talks another girl, Heather, into forcing Brad to make out with her so that she can take pictures and send them to Angelica. It seems that Staci might have a thing for Brad, though it never really specifies. She's a bitch, though, that's for sure. Angelica is obviously upset (though she doesn't know yet that Staci is to blame), and she calls into The Open Door. They promise to grant her wishes: that her parents will stop interfering in her life, that Brad will tell her he loves her, for his stupid friends to stop picking on her, and for that whore Heather to never be able to touch him. The gang shows up at Angelica's house, planning on scaring the pants off of her, and they begin to die off one by one. Apparently, The Open Door sends some sort of demon over Angelica's way to possess one of her friends to kill one of her other friends.



This was another one of those, "I'm tired of looking, so I'll just watch this one" type of deals. As usual, this method of choosing yields a pretty good movie viewing experience. The story was unique and interesting, the suspense and build-up was nice, the effects were good. The acting was a bit lacking, but it was possible to overlook. The ghost/demon-thing was actually not visible; it was just a bit of fog floating through the air. It was able to drag people, push people, and other sorts of ghostly things, even if it could not be seen. But make no mistakes, The Open Door has some spooks in it, and it's definitely worth a viewing.

Life Lessons from The Open Door

1. Be careful what you wish for, and how you wish for it.
2. Weird and scary mannequin heads in your attic are sure to make you hurt yourself.
3. If you set a guy on fire in your garage, he runs around your yard for a little bit, and finally falls down onto your front porch...Your house actually will not burn down.

#112 -- The Legend of Lucy Keyes (2006)

Director: John Stimpson
Rating:3/5

250 years ago, a little girl named Lucy disappeared in the woods surrounding her family's farm. Her mother, Martha, went insane with grief. She roamed the woods every day, shouting her daughter's name. She believed that Lucy was abducted by Indians, and she spent her days tracking and killing all those she found on her property. People say that she can still be heard throughout the area, calling out for her daughter. Her soul could not rest until Lucy was found.

In the present, a new family movies into the Keyes' home. Jeanne and Guy, and their two daughters: Molly and Lucy. Lucy is a roamer; she likes to explore, and often gets out of her parents' sights. Jeanne is heard often calling out to her daughter. This makes Martha's spirit anxious, and she comes out more often, thinking that--maybe--someone has found her daughter. There is also the matter of Guy's work: he's planning on demolishing the forest to build windmills as an alternative energy source. This would make it near impossible for Martha to find her daughter. The present Lucy gets a gift from the past Lucy: a letter written to her parents describing her death. Lucy gains knowledge of where the other Lucy's body is, and she goes to find her. A land dispute, much like the one that killed Past Lucy, is occurring now and almost costs Present Lucy her life.




This movie seems more like a drama to me than a horror. It took way too long for anything good to happen. The ghost of Martha was downright creepy, and it was great; but it took over an hour for us to see her at all. The story of this movie was fantastic, and supposedly based on truth. The acting was superb, especially that of Present Lucy. It was well-make, but just a little on the slow side. I would have liked more action, and definitely a lot more Martha. This happens so much, it seems like. A movie that has a wonderful story but falls short because of the pacing. I would love to see this story done as a real horror movie. It has the potential to be extremely frightening, but it just wasn't. I was disappointed in the way it turned out.

Things to take away from the movie

1. Clam Bellies (whatever the hell that is) can be used to ward off spirits, because they don't like the smell.
2. Clam Bellies can also royally piss your neighbors off, because they don't like the smell.
3. The chances of a girl named Lucy moving into a house where a girl named Lucy disappeared and causing the spirit of her mother to become angry are apparently not as slim as you would think.
4. If you know the truth about ghosts, most people just assume you're batshit crazy. 
5. Never--I mean never-- take a woman's child away from her.

#111 -- Wake the Witch (2010)

Director: Dorothy Booraem
Rating: 3/5

A young girl, Deb, is out in the woods taking pictures of her friends--Trixie and Karen--for a photography assignment. They find some weird chains buried in the ground, and Trixie and Karen remember a story they knew when they were children. Way back, there was a woman accused of being a witch; the townspeople took her out into the woods, hanged her, and buried chains all over to keep her underground. It was said that if you follow the chains to the tree where she was hanged, walk around it three times and kiss your left hand, the witch will wake up and tell you your fortune. Trixie decides to try it out, even though there actually is no tree at all (she guesses that there was a tree there, but it moved somehow). Nothing happens, so they return home. Shortly afterward, though, strange things do begin to happen, the first of which is Deb's brother Mark getting really sick and acting weird. Deb notices that he's spending an awful lot of time out in the woods, so she decides to follow him, with the help of Trixie and Karen. On this trip, Trixie passes out and has a seizure, landing her in the hospital for the rest of the movie. The next time Deb decides to follow Mark, she brings only Karen--and Karen is kidnapped by a bunch of zombie-looking guys in hoodies.



She gets further help from Mark's roommate Brent, and they try to figure out what is going on together. It turns out that, back when the witch was a live, there was an epidemic around town, one much like what is happening to everyone Deb knows. I guess that has something to do with the witch, though it never really elaborates. Brent decides to check the supermarket to see if anything's going on over there (or maybe he was just hungry), and Deb sneaks off into the woods one last time. She goes down into a very large cavernous room and finds Mark there, with the corpse of the witch, trying to wake her. There's a hole in the wall that looks sort of like a portal into another dimension, and it is through this hole that the hoodie-wearing-zombies emerge. The zombie-guys drag Mark into the portal, and Deb must figure out how to get out of the tomb alive.

And she doesn't, really; I don't think. The ending made absolutely no sense to me at all. The rest of the movie was okay. It took a while for anything interesting to really happen, but that was okay. There was great character development with Deb, and I grew to really like her. Mark too, but that's just because he was a cutie pie. That is the main reason this movie kept my attention (the character of Deb, not her hot brother). I think it's a pretty good story, but it just didn't live up to its potential. Maybe if the writers had given a little more explanation of everything that was happening, it would have been better. Overall, it was decent but not amazing.

#110 -- Piranhaconda (2011)

Director: Jim Wynorski
Rating: 3/5

With a name like Pihranaconda, you should go into this knowing exactly what to expect. If you're picky and you want nothing but top-notch horror, don't even bother with this one. But if you put away your critic hat and sit back and relax, you just might enjoy this. It starts off with a herpetology professor from the University of Hawaii and his two assistants landing in the jungle. Professor is in search of some rare eggs that he has been hunting for twenty-some years. He's extremely excited when he finally finds them; he loads one up into a plastic container while his female colleague video-tapes it. The male colleague is mesmerized by the beautiful waterfall, so he is the first to witness the river-demon when she emerges to regain what is rightfully hers. After killing the two colleagues, she heads out to find the escaped professor, meanwhile coming across their helicopter pilot; she uncoils and grabs him--helicopter and all--from the sky. The professor runs wild through the jungle, until he meets up with a bunch of thugs who kidnap him and plan to keep him for a ransom.

Meanwhile, a film crew is busy making a horror movie called Headchopper, in which bikini-clad girls are hunted through the forest by a mask-wearing psycho. Their film is shortly shut down, and they head off to the hotel to relax. They'll soon learn, though, that a cancelled film is the least of their worries. They are also kidnapped by the group of thugs, in hopes that their rich studio will pay heaps of money to see to their safety (though they are a low budget film crew, and their studio doesn't give two shits about them).



That's when they finally meet the Piranhaconda. The good professor had been trying to warn them but, of course, everyone just thought he was, quote, "Cuckoo for psycho puffs." When they finally see the river demon with their own eyes, they start to look to the professor for answers. There's a double threat with this one: thugs who will kill them if they don't get their money, and a demon snakefish who just wants to eat them.

Overall, this movie is pretty bad. The acting is bad, the effects are bad, the script is bad (though seriously funny at some parts). But it's definitely entertaining. The pihranaconda is awesome! I love giant animals, so this one was a treat for me. What it is is a giant snake with a piranha-like head. It can crush its victims, swallow them whole, or rip them apart with its mouth full of razor sharp teeth.

If you're even considering watching this movie (you'll find it on the Sci-Fi channel), there's something you should understand about creature features: they're silly. They don't try to be serious. They're there to entertain, test our imaginations, and stretch reality a bit. It might be braindead entertainment, but it's still entertainment. So if you're not into lame movies, you should stay away from Piranhaconda (even if you do like lame movies you should stay away from Piranhaconda, 'cause that bitch'll eat you faster than you can say, "No please don't!")--or creature features in general. I was entertained, you might be too.

#109 -- Slumber Party Massacre (1982)

Director: Amy Holden Jones
Rating: 2/5

Ah, the beloved '80s slasher movie: full of partying, boobs, and dumb teenagers getting themselves killed. Usually, I love this shit. This time, it didn't work for me. We start with Trish. Her parents go out of town and leave her alone at home. Instead of being a good little girl, she invites her friends over for drinking, smoking weed, and good times. Boys eventually show up too, of course. Besides Trish's friends, there's also a new nextdoor neighbor and her sister, the creepy old guy on the other side, and a gym coach. At some point, the boys, trying to be heroes (after the pizza delivery boy falls dead through the doorway), decide to split up and run for the houses next to Trish's. This doesn't end well for them, sadly.

This movie doesn't try to hide its killer. We see him in all his glory (or lack thereof) pretty quickly. This was the first thing that turned me off. I do like a little bit of mystery in my horror, and there was none. There was a little suspense, but only in wondering when he would attack. I wasn't too concerned about how he was going to attack, because he pretty much stuck to his trusty power drill. It was cool to begin with, but it got a little boring after a while.



It also bothered me that the killer had absolutely no backstory. It told us in the beginning that he was an escaped serial killer, but I can't even remember his name. Russ something, I think. It didn't explain why he was killing the girls (besides him saying, "You're so pretty. I love you.) Maybe he was just crazy, I don't know; but I would've liked a little more explanation of him. The ending was pretty anticlimactic. It was sudden with no real action. The neighbor girl, Valerie, was pretty cool going after him with a machete, but other than that, it was a horrible ending to an otherwise okay movie.

#108 -- A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985)

Director: Jack Sholder
Rating: 4/5

1428 Elm Street was a place of nightmares for Nancy in the first film. Now it's five years later; Nancy is gone (to an insane asylum, as we learn from part 3), and a new family has moved into the house. Jesse begins having nightmares immediately after moving in. They cause him to wander off and do strange things. His dad thinks he's on drugs, his mom thinks he crazy, and his girlfriend Lisa thinks he's a psychic--that his dreams are premonitions. Jesse doesn't know what to think. All he knows is that there's something inside of him that wants to control him. That something, of course, is Freddy Kreuger. When Jesse and Lisa find Nancy's diary, Jesse starts to think that his dreams are more than just nightmares.

It seems that, since he was thwarted by Nancy in the first movie, Freddy lost a little bit of his mojo. We know he gets his power from fear, and I guess not enough people fear him yet. He's weak. He's still got his brains and desire to kill, he just hasn't got the body for it. That's where Jesse comes in. This movie is different from the first, because Jesse doesn't dream about his own murder, but rather other peoples'. He sees them dying in horrific ways, killed by Freddy. But when they're dead, he finds himself alone, covered in blood, and sporting Freddy's glove. In one dream, he meets his gym coach in a gay S$M bar, and they go back to Springwood High. After doing a couple of laps around the gym, he goes to the shower, only to be followed by Coach, who is being drug by an invisible Freddy via a jumprope. He's tied up to the shower heads, and invisi-Freddy starts whipping him on the ass with a towel. Everything in this movie implies that Jesse's got a little bit of homosexuality buried deep inside him. He doesn't know if he's going crazy, or if he is actually killing these people. But his will to live and the love that he and Lisa share just might be enough to get rid of Freddy for good. The action culminates in, of course, a boiler room, where Freddy is confronted by his old nemesis: fire.




I think this was a fairly interesting premise. I guess they wanted to go a different direction with the follow up to the original Nightmare. It was interesting, but it didn't completely work for me. I still prefer good 'ol fashion Freddy, doing the killing himself without the need of a host body. I'm glad they went back to the old formula after this one. It's cool going back and watching the earlier movies, because we can see just how much Freddy has changed in appearance. He always has his Christmas sweater, his fedora, and his glove, but the effects change drastically of course. Freddy looked weird in this one to me, because I've grown used to the newer ones (having watched Freddy vs. Jason about a bajillion times). But that doesn't change the fact that Freddy is awesome and always will be. Though this is my least favorite of the series, it's still a must for Freddy fans. And it's also (as far as I can remember) the only time a girl has ever, or ever will again, willingly make out with Freddy Kreuger.

#107 -- Decadent Evil (2005)

Director: Charles Band
Rating: 3/5

Somewhere in the world, there's a strip club that employs a couple of hot vampire chicks named Sugar and Spyce. They belong to a small clan, including themselves and their leader Morella. Also in their immediate family is Marvin, an ex lover of Morella's who she turned into a prehistoric human (which looks like like a half bird/half reptile) after he betrayed her. There's a little something about bloodsucking that I never knew: the first bite, the first draw of blood is called the Primal Blood, and it is supposed to carry the soul of the victim. Legends say that if a vampire can feast on the Primal Blood of 10,000 victims, he or she will become ruler of all vampires. This is Morella's plan, and she is only three victims away from completing it. But Sugar's concerned boyfriend and a wee little vampire hunter just might thwart that plan.

I liked this one mostly because of Marvin. That little thing was pretty funny. There's a lot of sex in this one, so don't let the little ones watch it with you. Marvin even has a couple of hilarious sex scenes. They're hilarious to me, but probably pretty gross to most other people. There's a little bit of action, decent acting, and a pretty good storyline. There's a little bit of romance shoved in there for good measure, and it's also a revenge story. Babes, vampires, and monsters. Sounds pretty good on paper, right? Sadly it didn't deliver to the full potential that the story offered. It was okay, but it could have been a lot better. The final battle was disappointing and anticlimactic, and there just wasn't quite enough blood for a vampire movie - for my tastes, anyhow. It was on an 8-pack from Wal-Mart, though, so I didn't expect anything mind-blowing. I went into it knowing it wouldn't be extremely great, so I came out of it fairly entertained. It was good for a few laughs, but not much else.

#106 -- Friday the 13th part 4: The Final Chapter (1984)

Director: Joesph Zito
Rating: 5/5

Part four of the Friday the 13th series was a historical event, I think. It was in this film that we met Tommy Jarvis (played by an adorable little Corey Feldman) for the first time. Here, tommy is somewhere around 10-12 years old, I believe. He's young, but he's smart--and he's got a strange talent for creating monster make-up effects. Tommy, his mother, and his sister Trish live in a cabin on Crystal Lake. How they've been able to live there and not become victims of our dear Jason, I'll never know. But they've managed to survive so far. It isn't until the dumb teenagers move in next door that things start to go horribly wrong. We've got a big group of people here, so there's a lot of opportunities for Jason to get his revenge.

He's got his usual weapons: machete, axe, and knives. But he throws in a couple of other things to keep it interesting; things like a cork-screw. Crispin Glover is the lucky winner of the cork-screw, and it's actually pretty upsetting. He's always been one of my favorite characters, because he was silly and he made me laugh. Oh well, I can never stay mad at Jason for very long. Anyways, when Tommy, Trish and their mother realize that the kids next door are dying off in gruesome ways, they know something's got to be done. They receive a little help from a man named Rob, who is in the woods searching for his sister (who disappeared on the lake a couple of years ago)--though, sadly, he doesn't offer quite enough help.



Tommy is our young hero in this one, and his affinity for horror effects comes in handy, and it plays a big role in Jason's "death." A fun fact: this was actually supposed to be the last movie in the series, hence the title "The Final Chapter." So, the original idea was that Tommy Jarvis actually did kill Jason. Thankfully for us, this didn't hold up. Jason would return, though he would be quite different. Up until this point, Jason was 100% human. A strange human, but a human nonetheless. Since Tommy killed him, when Jason returns, he is 0% human and 100% fucking awesome. He's stronger and more difficult to kill, so I guess Tommy actually did him a favor. This wouldn't be the end of their relationship, though. Tommy also returns to fight Jason in two more movies.

Like I said, this was a historical edition to the series, because it introduced Jason's nemesis. It was also the turning point for Jason; the moment when he went from human, to undead killing machine. So thank you, Tommy Jarvis, for making Jason what he is today.

#105 -- Blackout (2008)

Director: Rigoberto Castaneda
Rating: 3/5

Three strangers become become trapped in an elevator in an apartment that is under renovation. Claudia, who was trying to get a photograph for her dying grandmother; Tommy, who needs to get to his girlfriend so that they can run away, after having killed her abusive father; and Karl, a doctor who needs to get out to meet with his young daughter. A bad situation turns worse when one of the three is revealed to be a serial killer.

The killer finally can't take it anymore, and knows that he/she needs to get out of the elevator before he/she goes insane(er) and kills the other two. The other two must worry not only about getting out of the elevator before they starve or asphyxiate due to a rapidly declining amount of oxygen; they must also worry about the psycho they've gotten stuck with.

It starts off kind of slow, but the tension builds when the killer is revealed. There's one thing you should know about me: I am terrified of elevators. So this one had some spooky parts that are probably not spooky at all to most other people. We get a view from above as the elevator plummets to the ground, and we get to watch the shaky wires and are left to wonder when they will give out. I didn't think this would bother me; after all, it's only a movie. I usually do ride elevators, because whoever I am with doesn't want to take the stairs. But I think that's over now. I don't ever want to get on an elevator again. This one got to me a little bit, which I think proves my point about watching things that already scare you: it'll be a thrill ride. Some people might not like this, but I thought it was pretty good. Aside from the fact that it hit my weak point, it had great character development, wonderful acting, and an ending that almost brought tears to my eyes. The only problem I had was that the killer was a bit obvious. I had my suspicions, but I hoped that I would be wrong; that I would be surprised in the end to find out that it was the one I least expected. This is why Blackout gets a three-star rating from me instead of four. Other than the predictability, though, it was entertaining and definitely not a waste of time.

#104 -- Bloodlust! (1961)

Director: Ralph Brooke
Rating: 3/5

An innocent vacation lands a group of friends on an island belonging to an eccentric millionaire recluse. They immediately feel that something is amiss, and their fears are proved correct when the millionaire Belleau's wife, Sandra, and her lover Dean inform them of Belleau's intentions. Dean and Sandra plan to escape, with the help of the four friends--Johnny (played by Robert Reed, AKA Mike Brady), Betty, Jeanne, and Pete. Dean and Sandra fail in their escape attempt, and they end up as trophies in Belleau's twisted little human museum.

Belleau is a hunter. He unleashes people into the jungle surrounding his home; he kills them and preserves them in a hidden trophy room. No one has ever left his island alive, but that is all about to change. Because Johnny, Betty, Jeanne and Pete just aren't going to let him win. With the help of one of Belleau's disgruntled minions, they may just have a chance to make it out alive.



The thing I like about older horror movies is their simplicity. They don't try too hard to scare us, but they somehow still succeed to creep us out at least a little bit. The soundtracks are different and effective, and they don't rely on gore for their shock. I know you must be thinking, "But Jenny, you're a gore whore..." Yes, that's right. But I do appreciate the fact that these movies are smart; they don't have to gross us out or scare the pants off of us; they're happy to just make us feel unsettled or disturbed. And I'm happy with that too. There's a very little amount of gore--an arrow in the gut of one of Belleau's prey, and a man thrown into an acid bath--but it's not enough to throw off those of you who might be a bit squeamish (I watched this one with my mom, and she didn't get sick at all). Bloodlust is a good example of the simplicity of horror movies of old. It's simple, but it's effective. It's an earlier version of the teen screams we know and love today, but it's amazing just how different they've become.

#103 -- Trapped Ashes (2006)

Directors: Sean S. Cunningham, Joe Dante, John Gaeta, Monte Hellman & Ken Russell
Rating: 3/5

A group of people go on a tour through a movie studio in Hollywood. One of the stops is a creepy house where a classic horror was filmed. The house is somewhat of a maze, and the group ends up getting lost and stuck inside of a revolving room. Their tour guide suggests that they, like in the movie the house is famous for, tell their scariest stories in order to get out. One by one, they go around telling horrifying stories - or what was supposed to be horrifying stories, I guess.


The Girl with the Golden Breasts
In this one, a young actress who is being beaten out of parts by prettier girls decides to get a breast enhancement surgery. This if fine and dandy, and I'm sure not at all rare, but there's one little problem. Her doctor uses recycled parts of corpses in his implants. This causes her nipples to grow teeth, and they're quite the bloodthirsty little buggers. There's a group of drag-queen scientists who use this method as an experiment to find the fountain of youth.

Jibaku
A married couple takes a trip to Japan to re-kindle the lost flame in their relationship. However, the husband is too busy working to pay much attention to his wife, and she finds a flame with a young and handsome Japanese man. He hangs himself in the local cemetery, and then begins to haunt her. It's not a bad kind of haunting, though, not for this woman. She has a horrific affair with this dead monk, and eventually is dragged into Hell to join him.

Stanley’s Girlfriend
A man and his best friend have kind of a love triangle with a beautiful and mysterious woman. One of the men disappears, leaving the other to have his way with the girl. The girl is not what she seems, though. She has been living since the late 1800s, and she's a bloodthirsty little vixen.

My Twin, The Worm
A woman has a parasitic worm growing inside of her, alongside her precious daughter. Her daughter somehow becomes attached to the worm, claiming that he is her "twin." The girls mother dies when she's young, and she is sent to live with her father and stepmother. Her stepmother starves her, and she asks her twin, "You aren't just going to let her kill me, are you?" And of course, being the wonderful big brother he is, he takes care of things.

This wasn't mind-blowing, but it was pretty interesting. The killer nipples are hilarious, for one. My Twin, The Worm has some pretty freaky fetal images. Stanley's Girlfriend is pretty dull and, in my opinion, the worst of the bunch. I'm all for vampires and all, but the way the story was told made it a tad bit boring. The main reason I wanted to watch this was because I noticed Sean Cunningham (creator of Friday the 13th) directed one of the shorts. His creation? Jibaku. This one was my favorite of them all. It wasn't mind-blowing either, but it was definitely the best of the bunch. The dead monk looks amazing, and the sex scene between him and the Wife is pretty gruesome. It's an interesting story, though I didn't understand it 100%. I think it would have been better had it had more time to play out. The wraparound story was okay, though extremely predictable. It's full of sex (so don't watch it with the kiddos!), mild gore, and a few confusing moments.

Another thing I liked about this movie was two of its stars. John Saxon (from A Nightmare on Elm Street) stars as Leo in Stanley's Girlfriend. Though he's kind of an ass, he's great as always. Also, Henry Gibson. If you don't know who that is, he is Grandpa O'Reiley from the made-for-TV Disney movie Luck of the Irish. I've always thought he was an adorable old man, and he was amazing here.

Overall, this was just okay. It can be entertaining for a boring night at home alone, but don't expect to be extremely wowed by it.

#102 -- Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl (2009)

Directors: Yoshihiro Nishimura & Naoyuki Tomomatsu
Rating: 5/5

Oh my god, I love Asians! Good grief, they make some good movies. This movie's scare factor? Zero. Its awesome factor? 5 billion. This one is sort of like a romance/action/kung fu/horror/comedy. It appeals to everyone, so there's absolutely no excuse for not seeing it. First off, we've got Monami, a beautiful young vampire girl who transfers to Tokyo High School and falls in love with a boy named Jugon. In Japan, it is a tradition for girls to give chocolate to boys to express their love for them. Monami takes it to the next level and presents Jugon with chocolate filled with her blood, transforming him into a vampire. The only problem is Keiko, Jugon's girlfriend; she doesn't like that idea very much. Keiko and Monami get into a scuffle, causing Keiko to fall from a balcony and crush her face against the pavement below. Fortunately for Keiko, her father is not only the vice principal of their school, but he is also the Japanese Dr. Frankenstein. He puts her back together using several interesting parts.

Frankenstein Girl

There are a few things you should know if you want to fully understand how awesome Frankenstein Girl is. First: there's a group of girls at Tokyo High School that call themselves the Wrist-Cutters Club. There's an annual Wrist-Cutters Rally, in which one girl is named wrist cutting champion. So, Part 1 of Frankenstein Girl: impenetrable arms of wrist cutting champion. There's another group of girls who are obsessed with tanning; so obsessed that they've decided they want to be black. They act like typical black girls and, trust me, it's completely hilarious. One of these girls has a dream of becoming a marathon runner. Part 2 of Frankenstein Girl: legs of an aspiring runner. Part 3 of Frankenstein Girl: Lungs of a Chinese smoker, who can apparently breathe out gas fumes. So, as you can tell, Frankenstein Girl ends up being pretty damn badass.

Vampire Girl is also a badass. She has a cloak which, like a superheroes costume, gives her some special powers. She can leap great lengths, and she has the ability to turn her blood into weapons (like giant bloody swords). So with Monami, it's best to make sure you kill her100%, because wounding her only gives her a  higher advantage.

Vampire Girl and Frankenstein Girl are both in love with the same boy, and we all know that never ends well. A battle of epic proportions ensues, and it is a battle that cannot be missed! But the question is: is Frankenstein Girl badass enough to defeat Vampire Girl, with her magic vampire cloak of awesomeness?

Ah, this movie is so freaking wonderful. It's silly, it's funny, and it is a gore whore's wet dream. Seriously, the gore in this one is UNBELIEVABLE! The fight scenes are amazing, the romance between Monami and Jugon is cute, though kind of creepy at first. I'm honestly at a loss for words. I don't think it would be possible to adequately explain the amount of awesome packed into this movie. I couldn't explain all the weirdness either, because there's a shitload of that too. The only advice I can give realistically is this: WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW!

#101 -- The Legend of Sorrow Creek (2007)

Director: Michael Penning
Rating: 2/5

Okay, I'm going to have to give you a pretty good bit of the story for you to learn how this movie fails on so many levels. There may be some spoilers, but I won't reveal the ending, mostly because I didn't understand it. Here we go. Way back in the olden days, a girl named Isabella apparently went crazy and ended up hanging herself. Her house burned to the ground, and it is now a bit of ruins in the middle of the forest. In the present day, a group of youngsters - Kayla, Jessie, Dean, and Toby - decide to go fishing. Toby gets a fish-hook stuck in his hand, so they have to return to Kayla and Jesse's childhood cabin. They take a route that none of them are familiar with (fuck up #1), and they come across the ruins of Isabella's house. Kayla feels someone scratching her, but there's no one scratching her. Jessie decides to do a rubbing of some old sign that, we later learn, says "where is my soul?" The others don't want to wait for her, so they go on without her, leaving her alone in an unfamiliar part of the woods (fuck up #2). The other three return to the cabin, wait for a little bit, and then decide to go looking for Jessie. They get into the car, only to discover that they have no keys. Meanwhile, there's a giant hillbilly lurking on the property, and they become afraid for their lives. They leave the car and return to the cabin, and Jessie magically reappears.



Jessie has scratches all over her, like she was attacked by a bear. She is delirious, apparently having gone batshit crazy. She hacks Toby up before slitting her own throat. Kayla and Dean then decide that, maybe, they should try to get out of there. But, unfortunately, their car has disappeared - everything except the engine, it seems (wtf?) So they figure they'll just walk - back into town, through woods that are pitch black. Before they can get anywhere, though, a chainsaw falls on Dean's leg and renders him completely immobile (can anyone say "pussy"?) So Kayla runs on by herself, and encounters aforementioned giant hillbilly and some chick with no eyes. They decide to leave her alone, but she still thinks it best to hide - in some kind of small water that is shortly and inexplicably filled with water. Instead of drowning like any normal person, she emerges unscathed into what appears to be a lake (wtf?) I found myself wondering why she was running through the woods when, the whole time, she knew she could teleport. Kayla finds herself in the Isabella's ruins once again, and some weird shit happens. Not weird as in, "Oh that's cool." Weird as in, "What the fuck is happening?"

I didn't understand a bit of it. I was actually enjoying this movie up until about fifteen minutes before it ended. That's when it got stupid and confusing. I think Isabella's ghost was haunting the ruins, though I'm not sure why. I don't know how the hillbilly had anything to do with her, nor the no-eyed chick. I don't know why these four kids were so incredibly dumb, why Jessie went crazy and killed her friend, or just...why? Nothing was explained fully. The story actually started off pretty interesting, and it could have gone places. It had the potential to be at least somewhat good. Instead, it confused the shit out of me. The acting wasn't all that bad, and it did have a few jump-scares, but the complete lack of story development makes this movie a waste of time.