MMM Day 6: #339 -- The Thing (1982)

Director: John Carpenter
Rating: 3 / 5

This is actually the first time I've seen this movie. I'd heard great things about it, and I knew that a lot of people loved it. The idea was intriguing, so it was definitely on my watch list. I thought it was going to be a masterpiece, but I was disappointed with it for a couple of reasons.

Synopsis: A group of explorers in Antarctica come across an Alien being that is able to take the form of whoever or whatever it wishes. We follow their collective mental breakdown as they try to figure out who they can trust, and whose body has been overtaken by The Thing.

And...that's pretty much it. It started off with some Norwegians in a helicopter trying to shoot a beautiful Husky dog. Right off the bat, I was pissed; I was more worried about that dog in those couple of minutes than I was about anything else throughout the rest of the movie. Of course, the dog had been "possessed," and it actually would have been really helpful if those people had been able to shoot it. The group that the movie follows killed the Norwegians, and The Thing infiltrated their camp. They took the dog in, after saving it, and put it in a kennel with a bunch of other dogs. Apparently they had a hobby of rescuing wild dogs. Immediately, the dog began to attack the other dogs an adopt their appearances. The group learned from some research that it would keep on doing this until all other life forms -- threats to its life-- were eliminated. Most of the movie consisted of each person losing their trust in the rest. They didn't know who they could trust, until they figured out a way to test their blood for The Thing's presence. So, it was a bunch of accusations and not a lot of action.

Where there was action, though -- oh boy, that was some fucked up shit. I can't even describe what The Thing looked like, but it was pretty gnarly. It was nasty in a I-think-I'm-gonna-puke sort of way, and the effects were wonderful. The problem was that there wasn't much for me to care about. There were a lot of people in the camp, and none of them were very developed. At least, not in a way that I could get behind. None of them seemed to care about each other, they didn't really have any memorable characteristics, and I have a hard time even remembering their names. After all was said and done, the movie ended on a fairly calm way that kind of felt incomplete All that being said, I did enjoy the movie. The story was unique and, again, the monster was fucking incredible.

I'm feeling kind of weird at this point. There are several movies that are loved by many; and most of those I find somewhat boring. I think this would have been a lot better if the creature had been on screen more often, because that was definitely the best part. It was so great that it's a total shame that it was hidden for so long. I get that it was hidden inside the explorers, and it was part of the story; but I'm sure they could have figured something out. Really, that's the biggest problem that I have with it. Otherwise, it's definitely entertaining.

#330 -- Sleepaway Camp (1983)

Director: Robert Hiltkiz
Rating: 4 / 5

One thing you should understand about this movie: it's really not all that good, technically speaking. There's not a whole lot of action and the kills are kind of dull; plus, the main character is a weirdo. But, dammit, it's entertaining and I love it. I'm not the only one who loves it, so you can't blame it on my soft spot for summer camp horror. It's genuinely an awesome movie.

The two main characters are Angela and Ricky. Angela's father and brother were killed in a horrible accident when she was little, and she went to live with her super creepy aunt and Ricky. Auntie sent them away to camp Arawak, and that's when things got sticky. Angela was not a normal kid by any means, which I guess is understandable after all the trauma she'd been through, with watching her family die and everything. She never spoke, never participated in any activities, and for a good chunk of the movie all she did do was stare at people. Definitely not your average kid, which is why all the other kids liked to pick on her. They were absolute pricks to her, which kind of pissed me off. Sure, she was different, but that doesn't give you any reason to be so mean. The only person who actually got to know her was Ricky's best friend, Paul. He had a little crush on her, and they ended up having their version of a summer fling. He was the only person that could get her to talk. It was sweet.

Let's get back to everyone picking on Angela; whenever this happened, they died. The first person you'll actually be extremely glad about. From the moment they arrived at camp, you could tell this guy was a pedophile. He actually tried to molest/rape Angela, and he ended up with a huge barrel of boiling water dumped on him. Good fucking riddance. Since the murders happened after someone had done something wrong to Angela, it's pretty easy to guess who the killer was; it was one of two people. I could tell you which one, and it wouldn't ruin the ending at all, but I won't do that. I'll let you figure all that good stuff out for yourself.

The kills really aren't anything special, which is extremely unfortunate. If they had been, this movie would be right up there with the rest of my favorites. The one memorable one was when it was implied that a girl was fucked to death with a curling iron. I'm not sure if that was the intention, or if that's what actually happened, but...it sure as hell seemed like it. And that's just hilarious. Other than that, though, they're pretty bland. The characters are another story altogether. You'll be creeped out by Angela, but feel sorry for her at the same time. You'll love Ricky because he's so sweet and protective; plus he's got a mouth on him that would make a sailor blush. Paul was also a sweetheart, and you'll love the cute little relationship that he and Angela had. The rest you'll probably hate. They were all dickheads. When they were killed, even if the kills were a bit dull, you'll love it just because it means they'll finally shut the fuck up. So, the characters were interesting and easily evoked some kind of emotion, whether it was good or bad.

But none of that even matters. The best part of this movie is the ending, and that's what makes it so popular. There's a twist that you will not expect at all, and it's just so fucked up that you can't help but love it. Plus, it's the scariest part in the whole movie. It genuinely creeps me out. And it's so messed up you won't know whether you want to laugh, cry, or puke all over everything. So, if you can make it to the end (I'm making that sound like a more difficult task than it is; it's not that bad), you definitely won't be sorry.

#329 -- My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Director: George Mihalka
Rating: 3.5 / 5

I'm feeling kind of weird about this movie right now. I saw it many years ago, and I loved it. All this time, I've been thinking it was amazing. Now that I've watched it again, it's not as good as I remember it. I guess it's because, now, I've seen so many horror movies that it's easy to find flaws in them. But, I still really enjoy this movie, flaws and all.

It takes place in a small town called Valentine Bluffs. Naturally, this town has always been very much into Valentine's Day. There was a hundred-year-old tradition of holding a dance on the 14th, but one day, that tradition died -- along with several townspeople. There was a cave-in at the mine, leaving several workers trapped. When the rescue team finally got to them, they found only one man still alive: Harry Warden. After having been down there for a while, his mind was unraveled just a little bit. They found him munching on someone's arm. When he got out, he killed several people in the town, including the supervisors who I assume were supposed to be watching them and making sure they were safe (instead, they were at the dance). Since they failed him, they had to die. After he killed, he would cut out his victim's heart and send it in a little heart-shaped package with a warning: to never hold the Valentine's Day dance ever again. The town heeded that warning for twenty years, until one year, they decided to hold the dance again. Harry was, after all, locked away in a mental asylum, so they figured they were safe. Of course, as you know, they were dead wrong.

Just as all the festivities were coming together, people started getting murdered. The only person who believed Harry was back was a crazy old bartender. No one believed him, and instead chose to laugh in his face. If only they had listened...of course, if people in horror movies listened to the crazy old man, there wouldn't be a horror movie at all. The mayor recognized, a little too late, what was going on, and cancelled the dance. That didn't stop a group of joker miners, who decided to have a little V-Day party of their own. They went to the mines and started their celebrations. Most of them weren't stupid enough to go into the actual mines; they just stayed up top in the bunkers. That didn't save all of them, of course, but it did prevent them from having to be stuck down below in the dark. There were a few of the group that decided to go down in the mines, because the girls wanted a tour of where their fellas worked. They became trapped down there with Harry, desperate for a way out, and trying to escape with their lives.

The part that I like most about the movie is the human hearts sent as Valentine's Day cards. Each one had some kind of note with it. They usually rhymed and were pretty catchy. The kills themselves, for the most part, weren't very memorable; but that aspect of them made it interesting. It succeeded at being somewhat suspenseful, as we wondered if the kids would survive. Since the man's name was shouted all over town, constantly, though, there really wasn't any suspense involving the killer's identity. There was a twist at the end that's not exactly expected; but it doesn't make much sense. That's okay, though. Even though it's flawed, what I like about the movie is the concept. There are a shitload of Christmas horror movies; a couple based on April Fool's, and who knows how many based on Halloween. I've even seen a couple for Thanksgiving. But, if there's another based around the good 'ol Valentine's Day, I'm unaware of it. Besides the re-make of this one, of course. The cool thing about it (just like ones with killer Santas) is that it's just not right. Valentine's Day is the day of love; the couples' holiday. There's supposed to be happiness, warm embraces, and tons of love spread around. It takes that and throws some blood in its face, and I like that. It's different, and it's interesting. It's not a perfect movie by any means, but it's entertaining, and that's what really matters.

Caution, spoilers ahead!

#313 -- Near Dark (1987)

Director: Kathryn Bigelow
Rating: 2 / 5

I'm going to start by completely negating the purpose of this review. Regardless of anything I say here, you should experience this movie on your own. Apparently, it's got a healthy following, and a lot of people really love it. I appreciate what it was trying to do, but I definitely didn't love it. The only reason I even wanted to watch it was for Adrian Pasdar, who was in my favorite television show. I wanted to see what he looked like back in the '80s.

So, here's the deal. Country boy Caleb (Pasdar) meets a beautiful girl late one night. He's immediately drawn to her, takes her on a little date, and then offers to drive her home. But he refuses to take her all the way home until she gives him a kiss. One thing leads to another, and that kiss turns into a bite, changing Caleb's life forever. He almost makes it home when the girl, Mae, and her family swoop him up in their RV and get him wrapped up in their vampire life. Most of the family didn't want Caleb around, and they wanted him to prove himself by killing; but he couldn't do it. He just wasn't cut out to be a vampire. He found his place among them, though, by not being afraid to fight to keep them safe.

What most people like about this movie is that, even though it's somewhat modern, it takes things back to the way vampires used to be. I don't see it like that. These guys are nothing like Dracula. I do like it when horror movies are set out in the desert. It gives them a romantic yet gritty feel, which is always nice. These guys didn't kill only for feeding purposes, and their fangs weren't their only weapons. They fed on humans, of course, but sometimes they killed just for the sake of killing, it seemed. It focused more on the human side of the vampires, rather than the undead side. These people were crooks before they were turned, and that lifestyle stayed with them even after death. They lived like outlaws, even more so than they would if they were regular vampires. All of this is well and good, and I'm glad it stuck to the proper vampire mythos. But it doesn't change the fact that the movie was boring. There were a few good action scenes, but they weren't enough. Even the romance wasn't enough to make it extremely interesting to me. The best thing was Bill Paxton as one of the vampires. He was definitely malicious, and he made the movie. Other than that, I felt that the movie as a whole was pretty boring.

Like I said, though, you should experience it for yourself. A lot of people really enjoy it, and you might too. Just because I didn't doesn't mean that you won't.

#304 -- Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Director: Rob Hedden
Rating: 5 / 5

Contains spoilers

Okay, so a lot of people have issues with this movie. It looks like most feel one of two things about it. They think either A) putting him in Manhattan was stupid, or B) that was cool, but he wasn't there long enough. Both are true, but I don't really care about all that. I do have some issues with the movie; to me, it feels like one big plot hole. But I don't care about that either. Parts 7, 8, and 9 of the series are the ones that were released around the time I was a kid -- this one was actually released five months before I was born -- so they're really the ones I remember watching back then. They all have a special place in my heart, no matter how silly or gimmicky they are. This one has always been one of my favorite, and it will stay that way, despite the tiny little issues I have with it. Sure, the movie is nothing but a giant plot hole. Sure, they figured people were getting tired of the summer camp setting (which I absolutely never will) so they stuck him some place else, which felt weird. There are only two movies in the series that I will rate anything below five points, and even then I'm only willing to go as low as 4.9. So, there are only two reasons that I will really have an issue: if they A) mess with the story (part five, where Jason wasn't even present), or B) they mess with Jason's appearance (Jason X, when they turned him into a fucking ROBOT). So, in conclusion, despite its faults, I love Jason Takes Manhattan.

Here's the run-down. It wasn't just a random occurrence that took him to New York. A bunch of high school kids were going on some sort of graduation party/field trip to New York, and they were taking a cruise ship. They happened to go through Crystal Lake, where Jason was awoken via some electricity or something. He climbed aboard the ship, because even though they weren't technically in his camp, they were still invading his home, and he didn't like that. So he started killing all the kids on the ship, and of course, it eventually took them to New York. I don't care that the majority of the movie took place on a boat, because, to me, that just makes the events that much more terrifying for the victims. When they're at the lake, at least there's an endless amount of open space that the kids can run into. Even if their cars don't work (which they never do, of course), they're still not completely stuck. Here, though, there was absolutely nowhere they could go. They were trapped in a confined space with Jason, knowing that the only they could do was either hide or fight. Or throw him overboard, but good luck with that. Once they got to New York, they felt like they'd reached a safe haven. They thought, "Okay, we're here, there are other people around, and there are plenty of places to hide." They learned quickly that there was still no way to get away from him, of course. But that was a giant let-down and, and I feel like it showcases the exhaustion that they must have felt. They went through so much already while they were on the boat; they arrived at their destination, believing that they were safe, only to realize that nowhere was safe from Jason Voorhees. I think that these victims had a rougher time than the rest because of this.

Okay, first I'll explain the issues that I do have with the movie, then I'll round things off with reasons why it's still fucking awesome. I mentioned that it feels like one giant plot hole, and it really does. The back-story for this one really doesn't make any sense at all. The main character, Rennie, has something in common with Jason: she can't swim, and she's terrified of the water. To be fair, Jason's not scared of anything (I hate when people say he's scared of water, because he's in it all the fucking time; there's no way he's scared of  anything.), though he was when he was a child. Apparently, when Rennie was a kid, her uncle tried to teach her to swim by throwing her out of their canoe. While under the water, she saw a young, deformed Jason -- which is why she grew so completely terrified of being in the water. Okay, one of two things were happening with this bit. They were either trying to imply that Jason was a ghost, or they didn't realize that he's like, 40 years older than her and there's no way she could have met him as a child. Throughout the movie, she sees glimpses of the young Jason drowning and crying out for help. She sees him in mirrors and in the windows of the boat. Again, is Jason supposed to be a ghost, or are they somehow mentally linked to one another? It didn't really expand on or explain any of that, so I really didn't get it.

Secondly, the way Jason looked. They didn't fuck with his appearance in the same way that Jason X did. For the most part, he looked just like he was supposed to. When he was unmasked, though...I don't know what the fuck that was. His face was flat, he had no teeth, and his skin sort of looked blue. Hillbilly smuf, anyone? When Jason's mask is removed, we're supposed to be terrified by how vile and gruesome his face is. This, though, was just funny -- and that shit ain't right. He was unmasked down in the sewers of New York. The two heroes threw some toxic waste on his face, it melted a little bit, and then he...turned back into a child. What? Yeah, little Jason returned, in the fetal position crying like a baby. Who knew that toxic waste was a time machine? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and it  is actually the biggest issue I have with the movie. Maybe it was imagination or drug-induced hallucination (because Rennie had been drugged and almost raped by some thugs). Maybe they were trying to turn Jason into something different; something less than human that we hadn't seen before, but they weren't really sure how to do it. I think that was actually done better in Jason Goes to Hell. Sure, it was stupid as fuck, but at least it made a little bit of sense.

Despite the fact that Jason Takes Manhattan doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I still love it. It has some of my favorite scenes from the entire series, ones that I always use as examples when explaining why I love these movies so much. First, there's a hot rocker chick who is killed by her own guitar. There's the boxer who thought he could actually beat Jason's ass. Jason ended up letting the guy punch him until he was exhausted, then punched his head clean off. It landed it a dumpster. Later, when his friends were trying to find him, they found his head stuck on the gearshift of a police car. Oh, Jason. You're so funny. There was a guy who had a hot sauna rock shoved into his stomach, which looked extremely painful...and awesome! There was the hockey billboard that really confused Jason when he first arrived in New York. And  the best one, and probably my favorite scene in any of the movies. There were some thugs in New York, outside listening to some music. Jason was angry as he walked past them, so he kicked over their boom-box. They thought they were bad-ass, thought they'd pull a knife on him and start cussing him. He turned around, lifted up his mask, and the thugs stumbled through something like, "Sorry, m-man. It's cool, dude." No, he didn't kill them; which brings me to another thing I like about the movie. It shows that Jason isn't the mindless killer everyone thinks he is. Sure, he was a mongoloid. Sure, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. But he's not as stupid as people assume. Once they got to New York, he didn't bother anyone. He didn't kill any of the NY citizens unless they got in his way. He wasn't after them. He had no problems with them, because they hadn't invaded his home. I think he only killed one person in New York, actually, which...makes me smile really big. You remember when Kane Hodder was denied the part in Freddy Vs. Jason, in favor of Ken Kirzinger? Well, I really despise Ken, because he really sucked balls. The NY citizen that Jason killed here? He was played by Ken. Ha! I love watching it now and seeing Kane throw Ken around like a rag doll. Little bitch ass.

So, yeah; the movie has its issues, but it also has its charm. I don't care that it doesn't make sense. Sure, I like the stories they throw in, but that's not why I'm here. It's cool if they've got a good story, but mainly it's about Jason. I don't watch these movies to be engaged with the characters' stories. I don't watch them for the characters, because I could give two shits about any of them, despite how likable they are. I'm here to watch Jason fuck shit up. Ghost, mongoloid, whatever they were trying to turn him into...he still does that quite brilliantly.

#300 -- Fright Night Part II (1988)

Director: Tommy Lee Wallace
Rating: 3.5 / 5

For a long time, I didn't even know there was a sequel to Fright Night. I saw it on TV, so I recorded it right away. But I waited a long time to actually watch it because, well...naturally, most people are a little hesitant when it comes to sequels. Plus, the description was something about Charlie believing that the events in the first movie never even happened. I was scared that I'd just be watching Charlie doing normal things and not believing in vampires. I was just being cynical, though; I should have known that something would happen to make him start believing again. Duh.

So, Charlie went to college, got a new girlfriend named Alex, and started seeing a therapist after the traumatic experience with Jerry Dandrige. The therapist had him convinced that things were not as they seemed. Charlie started believing that Jerry was just your average every day serial killer. He believed that, after having his best friend and girlfriend kidnapped by he guy, his mind created the vampire scenario. I guess, maybe, he thought a vampire would be easier to deal with than a regular serial killer. It doesn't really make sense to me, and it shouldn't have made sense to Charlie. But what can you do? Therapists can make you believe some crazy things. Anyways, Charlie is afraid to visit his old friend Peter Vincent for reasons I don't really get. It was one of two things: either he didn't want to relive what they went through, or he felt bad for Peter because he still believed in vampires. But after he had his last session with the therapist, he decided it was time to go see him, and he took Alex along for the ride. You could tell straight away that Alex was a keeper. She knew all about Charlie's story and his fear of vampires, and she helped him through it. When she met Peter, she didn't think he was crazy with all his "vampires are real!" talk. She thought he was cute, I think. When Charlie said that he loved the book "Dracula," she went to the library and read it in, like, ten minutes. Plus she was pretty hot. I really hope Charlie married that girl.

Anyways, after their visit with Peter, Charlie was hanging out in the lobby of his apartment building while Alex went to the little girl's room. In walks a group of weird looking people. Instantly, his old hesitance came back. He watched these people like a hawk until he realized that he was doing the exact same thing he did with Jerry, and he decided that he was acting crazy. As time progressed, though, he kept seeing these people, and they only became more and more suspicious. He started following them, until he finally saw two of the girls attack one of his friends. It was at this point that he went to Peter for help. They investigated, found a rational explanation (a vampire-themed party) for what he had seen, and then Charlie went back to his "vampires aren't real" mind frame. It went in an opposite direction than the first movie, as Peter ended up being the one trying to convince Charlie that there were vampires around them.

Let's talk about this "group" that I mentioned. They were a pretty colorful bunch, to say the least. One of them I can only describe as being the epitome of the '80s; complete with an over-the-top teased up hair-do, the roller blades that he never took off, and the wacky clothes. One of them I don't think was a vampire at all. He seemed to be the leader of the group, though. I call him bug-man, because he liked to eat bugs, and once he was killed a whole bunch of maggots and mill worms spilled out instead of guts. One was a werewolf. Wait, what!? A fucking werewolf? Oh yes. And he had a thing for Charlie's girlfriend, so you know that didn't end very well. The one that the movie mainly focuses on, though, was Regine. She plagued Charlie's dreams, seemed to follow him everywhere, and she was so seductive that it was a struggle for Charlie to resist her. He was a gentleman, though, and he stayed faithful to his girl. So don't worry, ladies. Charlie's not a complete ass. Anyways, Regine was holding a grudge against Charlie for something I'll let you figure out for yourself (though you can probably figure it out pretty easily). She planned on turning him into a vampire, so that she could torture him for the rest of his everlasting life.

Fright Night Part II is definitely a good movie. It's got everything the first one had: humor, Charlie panicking like a crackhead, some gnarly special effects, and of course, some evil vampires. I didn't like it quite as much as the first one, but I still thought it was great. The vampires looked a little different -- once they turned into full-on vamp form, they kind of looked like giant deformed bats. They looked awesome, but I didn't like them quite as much as their appearance in the first one. I liked Charlie's girlfriend a lot better in this one, though. Amy was kind of annoying, but Alex was wonderful. She was very supportive of Charlie, she never left his side, and when it came down to vampire-fighting, she was no scaredy cat. Oh, here's one thing that I loved about it. Regine actually stole Peter's job as host of Fright Night. Instead of sitting back and letting her steal his thunder, though, he decided to go and kill her -- while they were filming! He failed and got arrested, of course. He was screaming at the cops about vampires and how he was a vampire killer, and he was committed to the crazy farm. Ha!

Anyways, as far as sequels go, I thought this one was pretty great. No, it's not as good as the first one, but they rarely are. It seems like there are quite a lot of people who love this one just as much (if not more) than the first one, so it's really strange that I never knew about it. I really need to stay in the loop from now on. It won't happen, but a girl can dream. I'm always the last to know.

#286 -- The House by the Cemetery (1981)

Director: Lucio Fulci
Rating: 2 / 5

I'm thinking that, maybe, it wasn't such a good idea for me to watch this movie. You see, even though I know nothing about him or his movies, I know that Lucio Fulci is pretty beloved in the horror community. I've heard some great things about the movies he's made, but I've never seen any of them. Until now, that is. This my first introduction to him, and I think we started off on the wrong food. I have a pretty bad first impression of him, and apparently I'm not the only one who finds House by the Cemetery to be a bad movie.

The Boyle family moves from New York to Boston so that dad/husband Norman can research the death of a colleague, and continue on with the research that said colleague was undergoing. They rent this house, and immediately realize that some strange things are happening. The house once belonged to a family called Freudstein. The man of that family was a surgeon who liked to delve into illegal and inhumane procedures and was disgraced by the public. Norman came to believe that, maybe, whatever his colleague found drove him mad--mad enough to murder his mistress and then take his own life. But the truth was something far worse, because there is something living in the boarded-up cellar, something that is not quite human.

The basic story of it is interesting enough, even though it's not something we've never heard before. But when  you get into the details of the movie, it just doesn't make sense. There are scenes that seem like there's something there, but then they just fall flat and leave the viewer confused. There is a little girl throughout the movie that we can assume is a ghost. At the beginning, she is seen in a photo, and the Boyles' son, Bob, tells his mother that the little girl is warning him to stay away from the house. Once they arrive, though, the little girl doesn't do much of anything. She becomes Bob's new "girlfriend," as he likes to call her, and she plays with him in the woods and never tries to help him get out of the house at all. She never warns him anymore, never tells him anything that might give him a clue as to why she was ever warning him in the first place. At one point, the little girl sees a mannequin in a shop window that she's transfixed by. The mannequin's head then falls off and starts squirting blood. Later on, we meet Bob's new "babysitter," who looks exactly like that mannequin. She is creepy, vague, and really seems like she might not be quite human, and that maybe she's got something to do with the house. But then she is killed by the thing in the cellar, so those theories are completely squashed. That raises the question: what was the deal with the mannequin? Was it just foreshadowing? And if so, why do we require foreshadowing of the death of such a minor character? I can't really be sure why, but these two things really bothered me. They felt like they could have really gone places with these two ideas, but they just let them die. Also, the killer was living in the cellar, which was boarded up almost the entire time that the Boyle family was there. So, how was he getting out to kill all these people?

Besides that, I feel like the movie wasn't sure what it wanted to be. The scenes that show the killer's hands as he is slitting throats, cutting off heads, piercing hearts, etc. make it feel like a slasher movie, for sure. All the blood and guts and heads rolling down stairways only cemented this notion. But once the story started to unfold about the Freudsteins, it started to feel like it might be a ghost story. Maybe the spirits of the Freudstein family never left the house, and they're angry about something that we'll discover later (we don't, by the way...). It never expands on the story of that family, though, so we never get to learn anything about them other than the fact that the man of the family was a mad scientist. When we finally get to see Dr. Freudstein down in the cellar, the movie takes a turn and feels like a zombie movie, because the doctor is completely rotted with absolutely no face. And he's apparently been keeping himself alive by killing people and using their live cells to recreate his dead ones. The movie's biggest failure is that its story is all over the place. It's a jumble that leaves the viewer unable to figure out just what kind of movie they're watching. It was hard for me to follow, and it got confusing the more it went on. Add in the terrible acting and the cheesy effects, and I've found the movie that I should not have let introduce me to Fulci's work. I'm not giving up on him, though, because I know how so many people adore him. I only hope that I'll enjoy his other works much, much more than this.

#272 -- Clownhouse (1989)

Director: Victor Salva
Rating: 3.5 / 5

When going into a movie about killer clowns, most people (including me) probably expect it to be kind of cheesy. Most of the time we're right. Clowns are funny, whether they're evil or not. Surprisingly, though, Clownhouse really isn't all that cheesy. It's a very simple movie, and you should know what it's all about before you watch it, or else you might be disappointed.

It focuses on three brothers, Randy, Jeffrey, and Casey. Casey was terrified of clowns, since he saw some at the circus the year before. He was so scared of them that he had nightmares about drawings of them. Yes, drawings. Not real clowns trying to kill him, but drawings in his windows. And these nightmares scared him so badly that he would wet the bed. Poor Casey had some shit luck, since there was a circus nearby. There was also an asylum nearby. You can smell the disaster already, right? So, all Casey and his brothers had to do while their parents were away was to go to that circus. Casey was scared shitless when one of the clowns tried to get him to come on stage with him, but that was only the beginning of his terrible night. Three inmates from the nearby asylum broke into the circus after hours, killed the three performing clowns, stole their costumes, and made their way to Casey's house. As he became increasingly nervous being in that house without his parents (especially when all the lights went out), those clowns were lurking in the shadows waiting for the perfect moment to strike. He and his brothers were in for the fight of their lives when they finally emerged from the shadows and decided to kill them.

Clownhouse has its problems, but the good outweighs the bad, and I've enjoyed the movie on more than one occasion. The story is a bit contrived, but I can't hate it for that. It's a huge and almost laughable coincidence that there's a circus and an asylum apparently right next door to a boy who is terrified of clowns. But how else can you explain a couple of killer clowns getting into someone's house? It's a stretch, but it makes sense. We never got any insight to the inmates, which is cool, I guess. But I think they would have been scarier had we learned that they'd killed a hundred people, or something. I wanted to know just how crazy they were. But I guess it doesn't really matter how crazy they are; what matters is that they are, and that they're trying to kill a couple of kids.

They didn't have much funds to work with here (with a budget of $200,000), but they did work with what they had. The cinematography was pretty impressive; the use of lighting, shadows, and camera angles succeeded in creating a pretty creepy atmosphere. Seeing those clowns lurking in the shadows, right out of the boys' reach was definitely spooky. I also enjoyed the scenes at the circus, though it made really want to go to the carnival. It's a shitty time to be wishing for carnivals, though, so I'll just have to wait.

The three brothers worked really well together, and I almost felt like they were actually brothers. Casey was the youngest, wimpiest brother. Jeffrey was the middle brother who was kind of nerdy and sweet, and he was always looking out for Casey and caring for him. Randy was the oldest, and he was kind of a dick-head. He tried to act tough, I guess because he was the oldest, but when it came right down to it, you could tell that he cared about his brothers. The chemistry between them was good, and their acting was pretty impressive. Randy was played by Sam Rockwell (Wild Bill from The Green Mile), so I don't have to tell you that he was pretty great. The other two didn't shine quite as brightly, but I was still fairly impressed by them.

All of the kills were done off screen, and there wasn't much blood at all. But that was okay, because the movie relied heavily on atmosphere, and it definitely succeeded in that department. Yes, I am a gore whore, but I don't mind a lack of bloodshed as long as there's something  to make up for it. I can only call this movie slightly creepy but, while it didn't scare me personally, I'm sure it would have your coulrophobic friends up all night.

Even though it had a few issues, it's definitely a enjoyable film, and I can hardly call it bad. I, personally, can't bash it, since I've watched it more than once. I was impressed and entertained each time. Plus, it was directed by the same guy who directed Jeepers Creepers, so you can't hate it too much.

Rating

Storyline - 7 points. It was a bit contrived, but that didn't  distract from the overall feel or entertainment value of the movie.

Cinematography - 6 points. It made good use of lighting and shadows. It didn't have that ultra spooky feel that I love, but I was impressed by it, especially since it had such a low budget.

Characters - 8 points. Sometimes the characters felt a little forced, but that was probably due to the fact that they were only kids. Sometimes their actions didn't quite match their personalities, but overall I felt the actors worked well together and the characters were believable.

Gore - 1 point. There was no gore.

Scariness - 5 points. It didn't scare me personally, but I feel like there's got to be someone out there that was at least a little creeped out by it.

T & A - 1 point. Again, there wasn't any, other than one shot of Casey's ass, which was awkward.

Overall score - 28 / 60

#263 -- The Gate (1987)

Rating: 3 / 5
Director: Tibor Takacs

I remember watching this movie as a kid, when my aunt loaned me her VHS copy of it. I always thought the cover looked really cool, so when I finally got up the courage, I was so excited to see it. Even then, I remember thinking it was weird. Not in an awesome, scary way, but in a what the hell? kind of way. Or since I was ten, it was probably more of what the crap? 

It's about a boy named Glenn and some interesting things that happen when his parents go out of town. At the beginning of the movie, Glenn has a nightmare about everyone disappearing and his tree-house getting knocked down by lightning. When he wakes up, though, it's just because his parents are having the tree cut down. I guess just to crush his little boy dreams. I'm not sure. When the tree's cut down, it leaves a gigantic hole in the yard, from which Glenn and his best friend Terry find a beautiful rock with colorful crystals inside. They figure they can sell it and become rich, so they take it inside and bust it open. When they do, it leaves some weird markings on a sheet of paper (conveniently), and since they resemble letters, Glenn reads them aloud. Meanwhile, Glenn's parents go out of town for three days, leaving him and his sixteen year-old sister Al by themselves. There's a party full of drunk teenagers, and some of them decide to test out the "light as a feather" game on Glenn. He levitates really high and gets freaked out. After the party, their family dog, Angus, dies. Instead of calling their parents, they get Al's boyfriend to dispose of the body--which he does by dumping it in the hole that was left by the tree.

See, all of this is important because that's how the gate is opened. Apparently, there were some old gods that were around before the bible even. And they wanted to return, or something, but someone had to open the gate in order for them to do so. And once they emerged from the hole, all they had to do was get two human sacrifices and they could take over the world. Terry discovers everything from a heavy metal album. The sacrifice (Angus), the incantation (those weird markings), and blood (which was given when Glenn cut his finger while rummaging around near the hole). Apparently, these heavy metal artists (who died in a mysterious plane crash after creating the album) were the experts on demons. From the album sleeve, they learn how to open the gate, close the gate, and even how to kill the demons. Unfortunately, once the demons arrive, they burn the book up, so they have to try to remember everything they'd already read. Since these are little boys and an airhead teenager, things are bound to go horribly wrong. The fate of the world is left up to these three, as well as two of Al's even dumber friends.

I will say that the kids did a pretty good job with their roles; besides Terry, because his acting seemed kind of over-the-top and weird. Not bad, just weird. The effects were typical '80s, and I always like that sort of thing. The story was interesting, if not a little too contrived. The demons were a bit ridiculous, though. They were tiny little things with big 'ol bug eyes. They looked more like miniature aliens than demons. And once the big daddy demon showed up, he looked just as ridiculous, if not more.

Some of the scenes in the movie simply didn't make sense. Like, after they all thought they'd defeated the demons and closed the gate (by reading some bible verses, even though they knew these demons were supposedly around before the bible), a random zombie came out of the wall and kidnapped Terry. It was some story that Terry told Glenn trying to freak him out, and then it magically came true. Also, once the gate was opened, Terry started having weird dreams too, so Glenn wasn't the only one. He dreamed that he was seeing his dead mother, only to wake up and realize he was cradling Angus' corpse. I'm not entirely sure if the hole had anything to do with it, or if it was just some weird plot point that really had no point at all. If even one of the kids had said "the hole makes me have weird dreams!" maybe I would have been able to understand where it was coming from. But no, it was just something that happened, but no one ever talked about it or wondered why it was happening.

It has its issues, of course, but The Gate really isn't a horrible movie. Or maybe I'm just associating it with my fond childhood memories of staying up late and watching these horror movies that my aunt gave me (because, honestly, she gave me most of the ones I saw as a kid). It does have a tiny little place in my heart, simply because I remember seeing and somewhat enjoying it. Yeah, I'm sentimental like that. But watching it as an adult, I realize that it's really not all that great. It has its moments, its ups and downs, but at the end of the night, it's just a bunch of kids fighting demons. How can you hate that?

SPOILER
Don't worry...at the end, the dog comes back.

#262 -- Halloween II (1981)

Rating: 3 / 5
Director: Rick Rosenthal

Everyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I've never been a huge fan of Halloween. It's weird, since I'm such a huge fan of slasher movies. You'd think I'd be in love with the one that started it all. But no. I remember watching the movies when I was a kid, and I just thought they were boring, and they never scared me. But when I re-watched the first one last year, I gained some more respect for it. I realize that the film-making is brilliant; I was just never a fan of its killer. Now, re-watching this one for the first time since I was say, twelve, I've gained even more respect for Michael. I think all of my hatred for him stemmed from the fact that he and Jason were somewhat nemesis when I was growing up. I guess it's good that I'm older now, and I can see (almost) where everyone is coming from. Most of the respect I now have comes from the beginning of the movie. It takes place on the same day as the first, right after Dr. Loomis shot Michael six times, only for him to get up and walk away. There's a scene right at the beginning that's from Michael's point of view. You can hear his labored breathing as he slithers through the darkness of the neighborhood, but other than that, he seems like the six gunshots didn't phase him a bit. Yeah, I've always known that he's indestructible, but that's the norm with pretty much every slasher out there. It wasn't until this scene that I realized just how strong he is.

Dr. Loomis was terrified after he failed to kill Michael. No one else believed his story; they thought that he just "missed" him, and only thought he shot him. But then they saw someone walking around with the same mask, and the person turned and walked away when he saw them notice. So they killed him. Ran him over, squished him between two vehicles, and blew him up. But it was not Michael--shocker. Still on the loose, he made his way to the hospital that Laurie was transported to, and began yet another killing spree trying to get to her.

There's something else I realized while watching this that I never noticed before. I'd always thought Michael just used that knife over and over, which is one of the reasons I found him incredibly dull. In this one, he utilized several different weapons, including scalpels, hammers, boiling water, and even his bare hands. The kills weren't brutal, which was typical for the earlier ones. That's another reason I thought the movies were boring. My first experience with horror movies was Friday the 13th, and those kills were pretty brutal. So when I saw this, I thought, "this isn't right." By that point, I was so used to seeing blood everywhere that I thought anything else was just boring. I still think there should be more blood, but I do realize what the film-makers were trying to produce. They relied more on chilling scenes than a bunch of gore. They used shadows, the implied, and the viewers' imaginations to get the scares in. Which is cool, I guess.

Another thing I liked about the movie was its theme song. No, not the main song. But during the opening scene, as well as the end credits, they played Mr. Sandman by The Chordettes. If you're not familiar with the song, look it up, and you'll think it's pretty funny too. It just doesn't fit. Michael is definitely no dream, and I sure as hell wouldn't be praying to someone to bring him to me. It's a strange song choice, but I liked it. Probably just because I love that song. This is also the movie where we found out that Laurie was Michael's sister, so that was a pretty big deal. Though the characters did reveal this crucial plot point rather casually, I'm sure it shocked audiences everywhere when it was first released. Now, of course, everyone knows, so it's no shocker at all.

So, I do think that my initial opinions on this franchise were a bit rushed. I saw them at an age where I wasn't able to appreciate them for what they were. I do appreciate them now, and my respect only grows each time I watch one of them over again. No, they're still not my favorites. I'm still not a gigantic Halloween fan, but I'm starting to like them more than I used to. I'm glad that I'm able to make a mature assessment of the films, so now I don't feel like the only weirdo who doesn't like them.

#253 -- 13 Days of Creepmas Day 7: Gremlins (1984)

Rating: 4 / 5
Director: Joe Dante

I saw this movie when I was a kid, and I never considered it a horror movie. It was more like one of those movies that made me want things that I couldn't possibly have. Other little girls had Disney movies, I had Gremlins. They wanted their Prince Charming, I wanted a fucking Mogwai. I even forced my aunt to name her dog Gizmo so I could kind of pretend. But alas, I still haven't found my Mogwai. I also never really considered this a Christmas movie, even though it did take place on the holiday. But it's on everyone's Christmas horror list, so here it is on mine.

It's about a boy named Billy who gets an interesting Christmas gift from his wacky inventor father. Daddy spent a great bit of cash on the little thing in a shop in Chinatown, just because it was different and he thought Billy might like it. Even though he was warned that, "with Mogwai comes great responsibility," he never even considered that the world (or at least their town) would almost be destroyed. So Daddy took little Gizmo home to Billy, explained the rules, and everything was fucked up. There are three rules for Mogwai care: keep it away from bright lights, do not get it wet, and NEVER feed it after midnight. The first rule is broken by Corey Feldman when he spills some water on Gizmo. When he does, two things happen. First, little balls of fur pop out of him and turn into other Mogwai. Second, it seems pretty painful for him, so it succeeds in making us feel really bad. The other Mogwai end up a little different than Gizmo, though. Where Gizmo is a sweet, adorable little thing, the others are little hellions and none of them like poor Gizmo.

The second rule of Mogwai care is broken thanks to an unplugged clock, when Billy things it's earlier than it actually is and feeds them all some fried chicken. Thankfully, Gizmo isn't hungry at that point, and he is perfectly fine. But the others? They turn into vicious little hideous monsters!

Mogwai are cute. Everyone knows that. Even if you're not entirely familiar with the movie, you've probably seen Gizmo at some point in your life. And you're not human if he's not the cutest thing you've ever seen. But once they turn into Gremlins, they're pretty nasty. And not only in their physical appearance;

Cuteness overload! 

they're little slobs, perverts and jerkwads. They're just overall bad seeds. Which, I guess, is why they decide to go around town killing people and fucking shit up.

The Good

I've already  mentioned it, but I can't say it enough. Gizmo is the cutest thing EVER. From his tiny little face, his tiny little furry body; to the fact that he likes to sing, watch old movies, and pretend he's a racecar driver...Everything about him screams, "Love me!" Well, we do, Gizmo. We most certainly do.

The Gremlins are actually pretty scary, and kind of funny at times. At one point, they invade the local pub, get shitfaced and act like hooligans. One of them even puts on a trench coat and flashes the bartender. Hoorah! Their kills are pretty cool too--like sucking a man into a mailbox, and things like that.

It's '80s cheese at its best. There are some graphic kills, some corny characters and some all around weird shit going down. It's everything we've come to love about the decade, plus a cute little creature that I desperately wish to own.

Everyone's heard the expression about Gremlins messing up all your machines. Well, this movie adequately explains it. I think I've got about ten million of those little buggers in my house, and they all focus on my computer. I wish they'd mess something else up for a change.

The Bad

Chill out, guys. There's just one tiny little thing. Once the Gremlins showed up, Gizmo pretty much stayed hidden in Billy's backpack. He was so scared, the poor little fella. I wish there would have been more Gizmo, because I love him so and it saddens me to say that he wasn't present enough. I think they should make a movie that is nothing but Gizmo in that little Santa hat, singing while Billy plays the keyboard. I would SO watch that.

What I learned

There are a few things I learned about the movie this time around that I didn't know to begin with. First of all, Joe Dante directed the movie. I never paid attention to directors until recently, and I wouldn't have known him when I was a kid if I had. But he directed a couple of episodes of Masters of Horror, so I was happy to see that I recognized him.

Second, and most interesting in my opinion--the voice of Gizmo was done by none other than Howie

FREAKIN' Mandel. I didn't know it, and for some reason, I find it extremely hilarious. I really have no idea, why, but it's funny.

If you buy any sort of animal from a creepy old man in Chinatown...Well, scratch that. The creepy old man actually refused to sell the Mogwai, but his grandson, apparently, just wanted to get rid of it. So, if some little Asian kid pawns a strange animal off on you, and he tells you that you've got to take special care of it...You'd better listen, because it might just kill you.

And Remember...

"...if your air conditioner goes on the fritz, or your washing machine blows up, or your video recorder conks out...before you call the repairman, turn on all the lights, check all the closets and cupboards, look under all the beds; 'cause you never can tell...There just might be a gremlin in your house."

#251 -- 13 Days of Creepmas Day 5: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Rating: 4 / 5
Director: Charles E. Sellier, Jr.

Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Billy. His grandfather was a crazy old man who told him a scary story about Jolly St. Nick. He told him that Santa would only bring toys to the good children; but to the naughty children, he would only bring punishment. That night, Billy saw his parents murdered by a robber in a Santa suit. He and his baby brother, Ricky, were sent to an orphanage to live with a mean old nun, and Billy grew up with a severe phobia of the fat man in the red suit. When Billy got old enough, he got a job at a local toy store. He seemed fairly normal at first (and pretty good looking, I may say so); that was until Christmas time rolled around. His phobia had not diminished at all. When his boss asked him to play Santa for the children, things really got ugly. They put some alcohol in him at an after-work party, and Billy started to believe he really was Santa. He knew that he needed to punish all the naughty boys and girls. Axe in hand, he set out to rid the world of the bad ones, and bring gifts (terrible gifts, but gifts nonetheless) to those who were good.

This is another one that I'd heard plenty of good things about. It's been called one of the greatest Christmas horror movies out there. I know, I know--that's not really saying a whole lot, but it still had me intrigued. I will tell you, though, it's pretty damn good. If you're a fan of '80s slasher movies, then this one is right up your alley. Which is exactly why I liked it. There were some truly tense scenes (like Billy asking a little girl whether or not she had been naughty), some laugh-worthy scenes, and some genuinely funny moments (like a ten year old Billy completely knocking out a grown ass man). All together, it was a very entertaining movie.

The Good

The characters. There were several characters that I found interesting. First, and most obvious, was Billy. I'm always intrigued by the killers, so long as they're done well, and Billy's story was definitely a good one. He suffered a very tragic and traumatic experience at a very young age. He grew up with a phobia that almost no one else had. He was completely alone. It only took that one little thing to set him off and send him on a killing spree. Billy was a very sympathetic killer, which everyone knows I love. I thought that Mother Superior, who ran the orphanage was a good character as well. Though she was a horrible old lady, the part was played well, and she was truly disturbing--almost more so than Billy. It was this lady who helped Bill turn into what he became. She believed firmly in punishing children in order to make them behave. When he was a child, she would spank Billy with a belt, and she even tied him to his bed so he couldn't leave his room after he had a nightmare. She assured them that punishment was a necessary and good thing for a child. So, it's really no wonder Billy turned out the way he did. There was one other nun, Sister Margaret, who was a very good character. She was very nice to Billy. She stood up for him and tried to help him out on a daily basis. From the expressions on her face, I could tell what she was thinking. She didn't want to work for the evil Mother Superior; but she knew that, if she left, there would be no one around to stand up for the children. I was also interested in Billy's little brother, Ricky. He was a baby when their parents were killed, and we hardly saw him again throughout the entire movie. I was interested in how he turned out, which was partially revealed at the end, and it was spooky as well. It also hinted at a sequel, and I've come to realize that there are actually quite a few.

The kills. They were true slasher-movie kills: inventive, but sometimes kind of cheesy. Like strangling a man with some Christmas lights, or impaling a woman on the antlers of a stuffed deer (that woman was Linnea Quigley, by the way). Of course, they kind of show just how messed up Billy was. If he just wanted to kill these people, he would have just killed them. But he wanted to make sure they knew they were being punished. The gore, surprisingly, was not over the top, but it was done well.

The Bad

Some of the dialogue was cheesy, but that is to be expected. I had no problem with that. When Billy killed, he yelled "Punish!" at his victims. It was either that or, "Naughty!" Sure, it's funny, but really it only made him look stupid. He wasn't a dumb guy, though, so I'm not sure why they decided to make him speak like a neanderthal before he killed. It kind of took away from his scariness, though he wasn't really all that scary to begin with. So, really, the bad's not all that bad, it doesn't hurt the movie at all.

The movie was actually hated by many when it was first released, I think mostly because it depicted a killer Santa Claus. It was yanked from theaters, thanks to a bunch of tight-ass pissed off mothers. But it's really not that bad. The biggest problem I have with it is that it's not suspenseful. We know right off the bat who the killer is, so there is no wondering. No big revelation. The only thing we had to wonder about was how he would kill the next victim. But other than that, I say that it's a very well made movie, and a wonderful addition to my Creepmas movie list.

Day five of Creepmas went pretty well for me. I saw a movie I'd heard a lot of praise for, and I really enjoyed it. I hope your fifth day goes as well as mine.

#234 -- Bloody Birthday (1981)

Rating: 3 / 5
Director: Ed Hunt

You can pretty much tell the basic idea of the movie by looking at the poster. It's got something to do with kids, and a birthday. If you read the synopsis given to you by Netflix or IMDB, you'll know that these children enjoy killing people. Don't be mistaken by thinking that they mean "kids" as in teenagers; no, these are little kids. Like, ten years old. They're Debbie, Curtis, and Steven, and they were all born on the same day in  1970. The first murder happens when a couple is having sex in a grave. The boy is beaten in the head with a shovel, and the girl is strangled by a jump rope. They don't show us, at that point, who the murderer is, but from then on we know exactly what's going on.

The story mostly follows another ten year old boy, Timmy, and his older sister Joyce. Their parents are away on vacation, which leaves Joyce in charge of her little brother. When people all over town start dying, they get pretty nervous. Joyce knows that the kids have something to do with it, but the kids are way too smart for her. A well-placed prank makes all the townspeople believe she's crazy, so there's no way the kids can get caught. At least, not right away. After killing the two teens in the graveyard, they kill the town sheriff, who happens to be Debbie's father, followed by a group of other people. Later on, Curtis acquires the sheriff's gun, so he becomes even more dangerous. I think the kids just like killing people; it doesn't seem like they care who it is, as long as they get some blood on their hands. If something stops them from killing one person, they'll just move on to the next. But the ones they really want are Timmy and Joyce, because they're the ones who can expose them.

It seems that Debbie is the brains behind the operation, Curtis is the muscle, and Steven is just kind of there. They all play their own parts in the murders, though, so don't think there's only one to blame. They even keep a scrapbook of all the people they kill. Creepy, huh? It seems, throughout the majority of the movie, that they're killing people for no reason. But it's all got to do with horoscopes and astrology, which Joyce discovers through a project she's doing. The day the kids were born, there was an eclipse that blocked Saturn. Joyce said that Saturn controls emotions, so the kids should have something missing from their personalities. It could be their conscience, their morality, or their sanity. Maybe their compassion. Or, perhaps, maybe they're all just incapable of feeling anything. Who knows.

Call me a nerd one more time!

So, are the kids any good? I think the little actors actually did a pretty good job. Steven looked crazy, Curtis looked like he didn't belong with them at all (even though he ended up being the worst of the bunch), and Debbie looked exactly like I would expect a killer child to look. She was perfect on the outside; she was sweet and polite and a perfect little "angel face." But on the inside? Cuckoo for cocoa puffs. To me, she was the creepiest one of them all. Would I put them in my top five creepiest kids? No. But I can 't deny that they were creepy, and those actors did a great job.


Bloody Birthday was an okay movie. There wasn't very much suspense, though, since we know all along who the killers are. I think it would have been better if we hadn't known, so we could have that shock value of realizing, "Oh, shit! It's little kids!" I also think that someone would have heard the gunshots as Curtis was shooting his victims down, and that a ten year-old boy with a gun would have been suspicious. So that seemed a little unrealistic to me. But overall, it was a pretty good movie with some creepy little kids taking people out just for shits and giggles.

#233 -- Parents (1989)

Rating: 2 / 5
Director: Bob Balaban

So, apparently this movie is considered a cult classic, and a lot of people really like it. I am not one of those people. When I found it on Netflix, I thought it would be pretty cool. It was set in the '50s, a decade I've always been particularly fond of. I love the way it's portrayed at least (because I personally don't know if things were really like that). I will say that the movie portrays the decade beautifully. The filming was great and the acting, besides one in my opinion, was wonderful. It was very colorful and aesthetically pleasing; but the problem was that it was extremely boring.

It's about a ten year old boy named Michael. He just moved to a new town (I'm assuming so that his parents could escape suspicion). He made a new little girlfriend who seemed way to sexual for her age. He suspected that his parents were cannibals. I'm  not sure what caused his suspicion, because they never did anything to raise such a suspicion, except for the fact that they ate a lot of meat. But who cares? Some people really love meat. Michael was a boring kid, and he never did much of anything. He was just kind of...there. It might have been better if he'd at least been interesting.

When I paused the movie for a bathroom break, it was at the one-hour mark, and I realized that absolutely nothing had happened for a whole hour. So we followed a boring kid and his seemingly normal parents for an hour while they did nothing. We pretty much watched his parents eat dinner, while Michael refused to do so. He did have a couple of somewhat creepy nightmares, but it wasn't enough to make up for being horrible. Michael drew some awful pictures in school, which got him sent to the school counselor. He told her of his suspicions, and she followed him to his house, where she founds some dead bodies in the basement. Once his parents found out that Michael knew their secret, they tried to kill him. He ended up living with his grandparents, who may or may not have been cannibals as well.

So, nothing happened until there was about twenty minutes left of the movie. I remember wishing that it would just hurry up and end already, and that's never a good sign. It's not good when a movie feels like a chore to watch. So I loved the scenery and the way the movie was filmed, but the movie itself was tiring and hard to watch. It was impossible for me to enjoy.

This is a short review, because there's not much to say about a movie where nothing happens. But like I said, some people really enjoy this movie; maybe you will too. Personally, I hated it. They took an interesting story and dragged it out so much that it became boring and painful. Shame.

#226 -- A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Chuck Russell

I looked into a few reviews and comments about this movie, and it seems that some people think it is stupid. A new idea was introduced in this one, as well as a new trait in Freddy's personality. It's also the movie in which Freddy's nemesis was finally destroyed. Some people don't like that. It would be different if it had been done way later in the series; but at this point, the franchise was still young, so I think it was okay for them to switch things up a bit and make it more interesting. Personally, I think if they hadn't, Freddy wouldn't have become as much of an icon as he is. But that's just me.

Anyways, this one steers away from the direction the second movie took; meaning it's actually really good. I didn't understand the second one, really. In the first, Freddy was taking revenge on those who killed him by murdering their children. I guess he figured, kill their kids so they live the rest of their lives knowing it was their fault. That's more than enough to make someone's life miserable. But in the second, Freddy wanted to possess the main character, for whatever reason. But in this one, he returns to wanting all the kids dead. The story centers on Kristen, one of the many Elm Street children. She is sent to Westin Hills psychiatric hospital after what her mother believed was a suicide attempt (but which was actually an attack by Freddy, of course). She's joined by a group of other teenagers having the same problems: the dreams about the horribly burned man in the Christmas sweater. Heather Langenkamp returns as Nancy; she's all grown up, and she works at Westin Hills. She's been taking a drug called Hypnocil, which suppresses her dreams and keeps the boogeyman away. She wants to give it to the kids, but certain problems prevent that from happening.

Nancy soon discovers that Kristen has the ability to pull other people into her dreams, meaning that they can form a sort of army against Freddy. They also discover that they can do whatever they want in their dreams. Why no one figured this out before now, I have no clue. Kristen is a gymnast in her dreams; Taryn is a badass chick; Will, wheelchair-bound after a suicide attempt, can walk in his dreams. And he's also the Wizard Master. Kincaid, the tough guy, is super strong when he dreams; Joey, the cute mute guy, has a very powerful voice in dreamland. And Nancy is just Nancy, I guess. So, once they realize that they can have all these powers in their dreams, they decide to go in after Freddy, in hopes that, together, they can take him.

What I love about this one is just that: the dream powers. If Freddy can do all these crazy things, why shouldn't the kids be able to have powers? And they are dreams, after all; anything is possible. This one also has one of my favorite death scenes ever. A guy named Phillip has the tendons in  his arms ripped out, and they're used as marionette strings, with Freddy as the puppeteer. He ends up making Phillip jump out of a window. It just looks so amazing. So, I love that they introduced the dream powers in this one, and I'm not actually sure if they ever used it again. I know everyone always brought Freddy into the real world, but I can't quite remember if they ever had special powers in their dreams. But, anyways, I loved that. This is also the movie where Freddy's sense of humor really started. He got silly. Some people might not like that, but honestly...Freddy wouldn't be the same otherwise. Just think about if you were in the kids' shoes. There's this scary dude trying to kill them. They're going to be mad at him to begin with, right? Well, on top of that, he's making fun of them too. They've got to be pissed. But we, as audience members, just find it hilarious. That's what makes everyone love Freddy. He's scary, but he's also funny. You don't know whether to laugh or run away and hide.

So I loved how they switched it up in this movie, but I have a few questions. We know why Freddy exists. He was killed by the parents of Elm Street, and his revenge was to kill all of their children. In this one, Nancy says that the kids in Westin Hills are the last of the Elm Street children. Since Nancy was killed in this one, and remaining kids were killed in the next movie, why did Freddy continue killing? This question wasn't answered until, I believe, Wes Craven's New Nightmare. Freddy said that, when he died, he was offered a "job" by some demons. So, it was his job to kill children then. I guess he just decided that, if he had to kill some, he might as well get some revenge while he was at it. And once he was finished with his revenge, he still had a job to do, so he just kept on going. That was until no one was scared of him anymore, and he had to bring in my husband to put some fear back into the hearts of the kids on Elm Street.

Another thing I liked about this movie was that it went a little deeper into Freddy's past. We learned how he was born, and how he got the nicknamed "bastard son of a hundred maniacs." We got to meet Freddy's mother, and it kind of gave us a clue of why he was so messed up in his life. We got to understand him better.

This has always been my favorite of the Nightmare movies, and I know it always will be. Dream powers, a nun being raped by 100 crazy men, and Dokken. Can't forget them. I actually knew nothing about them until I saw the movie, but the theme song to Dream Warriors is fantastic. You should definitely have a listen.

I don't have a problem with the new direction they took with Freddy. I'm glad they decided to make him a comical character. It's just another reason why A Nightmare on Elm Street is different from any other horror movie ever made.