#291 -- Phantasm (1979)

Director: Don Coscarelli
Rating: 4 / 5

I've heard things about Phantasm all my life. I knew that it has a pretty good cult following, and that a lot of people really dig it. Heck, one of my favorite bands mentions it in one of their biggest songs. So I knew that, at some point, I'd have to see it. I didn't know anything about it before - nothing at all - and I still don't know anything, really. I'm not really sure what to think of it, but I feel like that was kind of the point.

It follows a young boy named Michael. I'm not sure how old he was; he looked twelve, but he acted much older (and he drove a motorcycle), so I'm assuming he was somewhere in his teen years. His parents were dead, leaving him and his older brother, Jody, all alone. Instead of having his big bro take care of him, it seemed like Michael wanted nothing but to look after Jody. It was kind of annoying at first, because Michael followed Jody around wherever he went. It was like he was obsessed with him or something. To be fair, though, Michael said that Jody was leaving (to go where, I have no clue), so I guess he just wanted to make sure that he didn't lose him as well. And he ended up saving his life more than once because of this, so it becomes less annoying as the movie goes on. Anyways, Jody was at a funeral for someone who I assume was a friend, or maybe a cousin. This guy was killed by a woman (the same woman that almost killed Jody, if it hadn't been for Michael spying on them), but I think his death went in the books as suicide. Jody didn't want Michael at the funeral, since apparently their parents' funeral gave him nightmares. But, of course, Michael couldn't stay away from his big brother. He went to the funeral anyway, hid in some bushes, and watched everything through a pair of binoculars. While he was spying on the funeral, Michael saw something very strange: a tall, creepy man who could lift coffins all by himself. He took their friend/cousin's coffin away, to do things with his body that you'll learn later on. This Tall Man, after that, begins to follow Michael around for reasons unknown. I don't have a clue why he was so drawn to him, or exactly what his deal was, but it caused Michael and Jody a good bit of trouble. The Tall Man was a weird dude, for sure. Not only was he creepy looking, but he apparently felt no pain, bled yellow, and had fingers that turned into weird little langolier-like monsters when they were severed. That, and he had little munchkin slaves (dead bodies cut down to half their size and forced to do his bidding) that hid out in the funeral home and scared people away when need be. So, Michael, Jody, and their ice-cream-man friend Reggie set out to figure out just what the deal is, and to get rid of The Tall Man for good. Eventually, they end up in a back room of the funeral home, where the portal to The Tall Man's planet is. Yep, that's right, aliens.

The Tall Man!

I actually tried to watch this many years ago, and wasn't able to for whatever reason. This time wasn't very easy for me, either. This time, I watched it right after I got home from work at six in the morning. I kept falling asleep, then waking up and having to rewind it. This made the whole thing kind of hard to follow for me. I think a second viewing, later on when I'm not sleepy, would help me to understand things better. Maybe. No, I didn't really get it, but I think that's the point. I'm not supposed to get it. And that's kind of what I like about it. I know that there's this tall alien man who wanted to kill Michael and his brother. He had his little minions, and he did his thing, and who cares why he did it? I don't, not really. The movie was very fast-paced, with plenty of action sequences with exploding hearses, overturned ice cream trucks, and three foot zombies being all vicious. There was also a weird ball that could chase people around, and it had knife and drills and things attached to it, so it could do some pretty nasty things. I'm looking forward to seeing some of the sequels, to see just what the ball can do, because it didn't do very much at all here. There was really only one death scene and, even though it was pretty grisly, it left something to be desired. If these things could do such things to people, why the hell didn't they do them more often? Maybe the movie wanted to focus more on The Tall Man and his pursuit of Michael and Jody. Phantasm is definitely one weird movie, but hey, I like 'em that way. There were a couple of quirky moments that made it that much more likable too, like a rockin' guitar session with Jody and Reggie, and a very odd scene where Michael visits a grandmother/granddaughter fortune-telling duo. In reality, the scene was horrible. The girl couldn't act her way out of a box, and I seriously thought the grandmother was dead, until she started laughing when Michael left. It was an odd scene, but what happened in it later helped Michael out. And it was quirky, like I said. It didn't seem altogether necessary, but it worked with the rest of the story.

Did I understand everything that was happening all the time? No. Do I care? Sure don't. The entire movie felt like sort of a mythical tale, which means that, like I said, we're not meant to understand everything. In the end it raises the question of whether or not these things were actually happening, or whether they were all another nightmare brought on by Michael's witnessing a funeral. To me, the fact that it might have been a dream only cements the notion that I wasn't supposed to "get" it. Or maybe I'm just trying to justify the fact that I didn't get it all the time. I don't know, I don't care. What I do know, now, is why Phantasm has received such a healthy following. It's a weird, quirky movie with characters you'll like and a story you won't ever forget.

#290 -- Quicksilver Highway (1997)

Director: Mick Garris
Rating: 3 / 5

I know you're looking at that poster, and all the names that are plastered on it, and I know what you're thinking. But stop right now, because Quicksilver Highway isn't at all what you're thinking it is. I saw it years ago, without having known anything about it or the people behind it, and I thought it was just okay. Now that I do know, I'm a little bit shocked by it.

Christopher Lloyd plays Aaron Quicksilver, a travelling  man who collects odd stories and things. He likes to tell these stories to whoever he meets on his travels, whether they want to hear them or not. The first person he meets is a new bride having some car troubles. Her new husband has gone for help, leaving her all alone. Mr. Quicksilver shows up to keep her company, invites her into his luxurious camper, and tells her one very strange story, indeed. He then meets a pickpocket at a local carnival, when he dips into Quicksilver's oddities tent, and he tells him yet another weird story. The stories that he tells seem to have no point or moral, but he assures his audience that there's always a moral to be found if you're willing to look for it.

Quicksilver's first story was about a travelling salesman named Bill. Trying to make his way home through a terrible storm, Bill stopped at a little roadside store for gas and snacks. He picked up a pair of chattery teeth to give his son for his birthday, and he also picked up a hitchhiker named Bryan. Bryan seemed okay to begin with, even though you can be almost certain that his name wasn't Bryan at all. After a little while, though, Bryan pulled a knife on Bill and tried to steal his van. Instead of letting Bryan get away with it, Bill decided to crash the van. The teeth then killed Bryan and chewed Bill out of his seat-belt  so that he could get out of the overturned van. The teeth also disposed of Bryan's body.

The second story was about a plastic surgeon, Dr. Charles George. Being in a profession that relies greatly on his hands, it would be a horrible thing if anything were to happen to them. Well, one day, Charlie's hands developed a mind of their own. They began to make him do things that were out of his control - like causing him to drive into oncoming traffic. The hands would talk to each other while Charlie was asleep, planning their freedom, and also planning to raise an army and start a revolution. So, they picked a night, killed Charlie's wife, and one of them freed the other by chopping it off with a butcher knife. Charlie was admitted to the hospital, where his severed hand followed him and convinced all the other hands to join the revolution.

There are a lot of great people involved with this movie. First of all, it was directed by Mick Garris, who was a part of the Masters of Horror, and has also directed quite a few Stephen King adaptations. The two stories Quicksilver had to tell were based on short stories written by Stephen King and Clive Barker. These are three guys who are masters in the art of horror. Add to that the actors bringing life to the characters. Christopher Lloyd was great, as usual. Silas Mitchell played "Bryan" the killer hitchhiker. Raphael Sbarge was Bill the travelling salesman, and Matt Frewer played Dr. George, a performance that seriously reminded me of Jim Carrey. With all the people involved in this movie, mostly the first three I mentioned, I feel like it should have been a lot better than it was. It could have been everything horror is meant to be. But it just wasn't. Honestly, to me, it felt...weird. I am extremely familiar with the work of Mr. King, and slightly familiar with Clive Barker, and I know that they are able to bring life to stories where others would fail miserably. I haven't read the stories on which these shorts were based, but I feel certain that they are stories that can only be told by those who told them originally. Chattery Teeth looked silly, and Body Politic (the killer hands) was absolutely comical. I'm not sure if this was the point entirely. It wasn't altogether bad, but again, it just felt weird. These stories felt like things that this crazy guy, Quicksilver, made up to freak some people out, rather than things that actually happened. Chattery Teeth, the one written by Stephen King, was taken from his book Nightmares and Dreamscapes. I've got the book sitting next to me as I write this, ready to read and compare, but I'm certain that it will be nothing short of amazing.

Quicksilver Highway is a strange movie that was possibly meant to frighten, but it was most likely meant to simply entertain, as it comes across more comical than anything.

#287 -- May (2002)

Director: Lucky McKee
Rating: 3.5 / 5

Let's get one thing straight, first and foremost: May is not a movie for everyone. It's sad, disturbing, uncomfortable, and might leave some people feeling...strange. Whether you love it or hate it, one thing is for sure: you've never seen anything else like it.

It is a modern day Frankenstein story, centered around a young May Canady. Even as a child, she had a lot of trouble making friends, due to a lazy eye and a pirate patch. Realizing that her daughter may never make any friends, her mother gave her a doll named Suzy, and she told her, "If you can't find a friend, make one." May grew up with Suzy still as her best and only friend. She spent her days working at a veterinary hospital, talking to Suzy and sewing clothes. To call her socially awkward would be an understatement. It gets to the point where you're forced to wonder if May has ever actually been outside her apartment before. She has absolutely no idea how to act around people, and she is so awkward, in fact, that it's hard to watch at times. You don't know whether to feel sorry for her, feel embarrassed for her, or just be annoyed by her. At first it seems like she's just a lonely woman in need of a friend, but as the movie goes on, it becomes apparent that her issues run much deeper than that. When May gets contacts to help with her lazy eye, she gains the confidence to talk to Adam, a mechanic she had been watching for some time. At one point, she even followed him to a coffee shop, waited until he fell asleep across his magazine, and started rubbing his hands on her face. When he woke up and saw her, instead of calling the police or running away, he felt compelled by her. They started up a very awkward relationship that left me wondering exactly why he even liked her at all. He said that he liked weird, but once he realized just how weird she was, he did what any person would do: he ran away.

After having her heart broken by Adam, she develops somewhat of a crush on her co-worker, Polly. Polly showed her some affection, told her she was beautiful, and made her feel somewhat of a connection. I don't think May was a lesbian, or even bisexual. I think she was just so desperate for human contact, and to have some sort of relationship with someone, that gender didn't matter. But when Polly started up a relationship with another woman, May's mind began to unravel even more. She took her mother's old words to heart, and decided that, since she couldn't find a good friend, she would just make one--out of all the body parts that she liked from different people.

Some parts are kind of gruesome, like when May killed her cat with a ceramic ashtray and then kept it in the freezer, and when she was cutting up all the body parts to make her new "friend." Again, it's not a movie for everyone, but I think a lot of people will enjoy it. It really is a sad story about a lonely, desperate woman going to extreme measures to fill a void in her life. What's really sad is that there were people in her life who cared for her, and tried to be kind to her; but her mind and heart were so fragile that the slightest little thing would turn her against them. What I find interesting is that, one May stopped trying to make friends, and had decided to just kill them, she stopped being awkward altogether. She exhibited a kind of confidence that we had not seen from her before. The story of May is definitely an interesting and unique one, but its main problem lies in its pacing. It takes a long time for any real action to take place. I feel that this was so that we could get a good look into May's twisted psyche, but it may distract some people. Though it is slow, it does have some definite good qualities to look out for. The movie is a sort of mix between drama, romance, and horror. The actors do a wonderful job in their roles - the awkward role of May is played by Angela Bettis; Adam is played by Jeremy Sisto; and Polly, May's almost lesbian lover, is played by Ana Faris. There are definitely some good folks at work here, in front of and behind the camera. It is an independent film, with a small budget, and the crew did a wonderful job. The cinematography is great, with some effects that are both beautiful and sinister. But with "master of horror" Lucky McKee in the director's chair, all of this is to be expected.

Once again, it's not for everyone. But if you're brave enough, definitely give May a go.