#248 -- 13 Days of Creepmas Day 2: Jack Frost (1996)

Rating: 3 / 5
Director: Michael Cooney

The second day of Creepmas brings us a Jolly horror movie that everyone's heard of; but this is the first time I've seen it. All this time I've thought it was this wonderful movie that everyone loved. I'm not sure if everyone loves it, but I don't. It's not that I hate it; but compared to yesterday's movie, it just isn't all that great.

It kind of follows the basic premise of Child's Play and The Gingerdead Man, which I reviewed a couple of days ago. It's about a serial killer named---you guessed it!--Jack Frost. He was captured by the sheriff of a town called Snowmonton (very original, right?) and sentenced to death. While he was being transported to wherever the execution would take place, the vehicle was in a terrible car crash. Okay, it really wasn't all that terrible. But when the car crashed, some kind of chemical was released that made Jack's body melt into the snow. It was a chemical that some crazy doctor was working on so that, during an apocalypse, humans could be resurrected as inanimate objects. So, not only did Jack melt into the snow, but he turned into a snowman. A killer snowman, that is! And to top it off, he was able to melt and re-freeze at will. As far as killer snowmen go, I've only seen one other, and that was in a movie that was so intentionally horrible that it really can't be compared to it. I guess Jack Frost is pretty good.

Once Jack is in full snowman form, he goes on a rampage, killing everyone in town on his way to find the sheriff and have his revenge. One of those townspeople killed is none other than a young Shannon Elizabeth. Her death, though, was the worst of the bunch. Jack melted into some bath water, and re-froze so that she was sort of stuck inside of him. He then bashed her head in on the bathroom wall. Other deaths--such as an axe shoved down a man's throat, a woman being strung up on her own Christmas tree with a star stuck in her skull, a kid getting his head cut off by a sled, and people getting stabbed with giant icicles--were much better.

Finally, the sheriff and townspeople remembered the story of Frosty the Snowman, and realized that snow can freaking melt, they figured that heat might be able to destroy him. Go fucking figure. So, armed with hair dryers and a furnace, they were kind of able to get the best of him. Except there is a sequel, so we know that he wasn't really killed. Of course, the best killers never are.

I'm fairly new to the Christmas themed horror movies, but I've already got a tiny list. The best, of course, is Nightmare Before Christmas (even though it's not a  horror movie, it still incorporates Halloween into Christmas, so it definitely counts here). Second on my list is yesterday's movie, Santa's Slay, and Jack Frost comes in at third so far. I'm looking forward to watching more and finding the best of the bunch.

Head on over to the Creepmas Blog if you haven't already, and check out some more Creepmas goodies.

#247 -- 13 Days of Creepmas Day 1: Santa's Slay (2005)

Rating: 4 / 5
Director: David Steiman

Spreading holiday fear this Christmas...

So, Christmas time is coming again. While this means empty bank accounts for the most of us, it also means that the 13 Days of Creepmas is back. I had trouble finding topics for Creepmas last year, as I wasn't really aware of all the Christmas themed horror movies out there. This year, I'm going to try my best to find a bunch of movies to watch so my Creepmas can be more eventful and enjoyable. Head on over to the Creepmas Blog for more info, and to find all the other blogs participating. As for my first entry, I bring you a wonderful comedic horror movie about a killer Santa Claus.

Bill Goldberg stars as the evil Santa Claus, who happens to be the son of Satan and some girl named Erica. The myth says that, one thousand years ago, God sent down one of his angels to defeat the evil Santa. They placed a bet, Santa lost, and he was forced to spend the next thousand years being jolly and handing out gifts to children. But those thousand years are up, and Santa's back for some good 'ol jolly destruction. The story centers around a sixteen year-old boy named Nicholas, and his grandfather. Grandpa seems crazy, but has a secret that will prove very useful to the boy as he faces off with Santa.

Christmas is over when I say it's over!

The movie starts off with a family having Christmas dinner, when Santa comes down the chimney and kills them all. This family consists of Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart (from Urban Legend), James Caan (Elf),   and Fran Drescher. They're all killed in some pretty interesting and awesome ways, and I knew right away this was going to be a movie I'd enjoy. Fran Drescher's character had her hair set on fire, which I'm sure many people wished for back in her Nanny days, but I think it would have been more symbolic had something happened to her voice box. I'm not hatin', because I'll admit to being a Nanny fan...just sayin'. Santa's kills are definitely inventive. He uses pretty much anything he can get his hands on--like candy canes, flagpoles, stripper poles, turkey legs, Christmas tree-toppers, and exploding presents to name a few--and not to mention the fact that he could breathe fire. And it was Bill Goldberg, a big ass guy, so he probably really didn't need a weapon at all.

I didn't really know what to expect from it. The main reason I wanted to watch it was Bill Goldberg, and he most certainly didn't disappoint. He was funny and menacing at the same time, and very enjoyable. But I was surprised to find that it's one of those incredible "so bad it's good" movies; except that it's really not all that bad. It's just silly, but what can you expect from a movie about a killer Santa?
I really can't think of anything negative to say about this movie, other than I'm sad that I didn't watch it sooner! It was wonderful, and my Creepmas has gotten off to a really great start. Every Creeper needs this movie on their Christmas watch-list. So go watch it now, and get into the Creepmas spirit.