#164 -- Metamorphosis (2007)

Director: Jeno Hodi
Rating: 2.5 / 5

Okay, first let me explain something. I'm really interested in real-life serial killers. It's fascinating how seemingly normal people can snap and kill dozens of people. It's fascinating how fucked up people can be. It's crazy to think that shit like that actually happens. But where did my fascination begin? It began way back in the 17th century with a countess named Elizabeth Bathory. This is the second movie I've seen based on her, the first being one called Stay Alive. That one was actually really good, but I'll save that for another time. This one, though, I didn't enjoy very much. It seemed to me like they tried to make it beautiful and artistic, but it didn't really work all that well. It was about a group of friends on a trip in Hungary. One of them, Keith, was there to write a book about the famous Blood Countess, and his destination was the Bathory castle. He felt very sympathetic toward the Countess because of what drove her past the brink of insanity. She was beaten by her husband, The Count, and had her daughter stolen from her, before being locked away in the tower. Then, she became positive that if she drank and/or bathed in the blood of young virgin women she would remain young and beautiful forever. I guess it went in that order, because that's the only thing that makes sense to me. I mean, why would Keith feel sympathy for a woman who murdered hundreds of people, unless his sympathy was for The Countess in her pre-crazy days? Anyways, the story said that Elizabeth's daughter (who was apparently also named Elizabeth) ran away into the woods and was never seen again. The truth was that Elizabeth Junior had continued with her mother's mission and began drinking blood herself. And apparently, just drinking blood will magically turn someone into a vampire. It doesn't have to be vampire blood or anything. Just, act like a vampire and become one, I guess. Anyway, Keith never planned on falling in love with Elizabeth Junior, but that's just what he did.

After getting into a car accident, he and his friends traveled with Elizabeth Junior to an alternate dimension. There, they fought with a man who had been transformed by EJ and was angry about her having transformed his brother. He wanted to kill her, as well as anyone else in her company. [Spoiler Alert] All of Keith's friends were killed, and he...well, he was killed too, but EJ made sure that he came back, so that he could be by her side forever. She said that even though his body had died, his brain cells remained active. Because of that, he had four minutes (very specific, right?) to return to the real world before he was dead forever. He wasn't going to make it to the "white light" (a portal back into the real world) in time, and that's why EJ had to put the bite on him.

All of that sounds pretty good. Kind of lame, but okay. But the problem I have is that they turned the Blood Countess into an actual vampire. She is considered the original vampire (at least to me), but I just don't like that idea. I like seeing her represented as she truly was: a vain, beauty-obsessed crazy person who obtained immortality through murder. Though she drank blood, she wasn't a vampire. She was just crazy. There's something more romantic about it that way. Besides, this movie wasn't even about Elizabeth Bathory. It was about her daughter. Apparently the real woman wasn't able to achieve her goals, but her daughter was. That's insulting, if I may say so. This is another example of "all vampires know kung-fu" too, and not in a good way. The fight scenes were lame, and lacked any true action. Also the entire movie was kind of jumpy and repetitive, and some of it didn't make a whole lot of sense. I'm always excited to watch a movie based on something I know about, and I'm almost always disappointed. I didn't like how the Countess (or countess junior, whatever) was portrayed, even though the actress was very beautiful. At the end of the day it was a movie that tried to be something special, but didn't quite get there; and it ended up dull and weird.

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