#304 -- Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Director: Rob Hedden
Rating: 5 / 5

Contains spoilers

Okay, so a lot of people have issues with this movie. It looks like most feel one of two things about it. They think either A) putting him in Manhattan was stupid, or B) that was cool, but he wasn't there long enough. Both are true, but I don't really care about all that. I do have some issues with the movie; to me, it feels like one big plot hole. But I don't care about that either. Parts 7, 8, and 9 of the series are the ones that were released around the time I was a kid -- this one was actually released five months before I was born -- so they're really the ones I remember watching back then. They all have a special place in my heart, no matter how silly or gimmicky they are. This one has always been one of my favorite, and it will stay that way, despite the tiny little issues I have with it. Sure, the movie is nothing but a giant plot hole. Sure, they figured people were getting tired of the summer camp setting (which I absolutely never will) so they stuck him some place else, which felt weird. There are only two movies in the series that I will rate anything below five points, and even then I'm only willing to go as low as 4.9. So, there are only two reasons that I will really have an issue: if they A) mess with the story (part five, where Jason wasn't even present), or B) they mess with Jason's appearance (Jason X, when they turned him into a fucking ROBOT). So, in conclusion, despite its faults, I love Jason Takes Manhattan.

Here's the run-down. It wasn't just a random occurrence that took him to New York. A bunch of high school kids were going on some sort of graduation party/field trip to New York, and they were taking a cruise ship. They happened to go through Crystal Lake, where Jason was awoken via some electricity or something. He climbed aboard the ship, because even though they weren't technically in his camp, they were still invading his home, and he didn't like that. So he started killing all the kids on the ship, and of course, it eventually took them to New York. I don't care that the majority of the movie took place on a boat, because, to me, that just makes the events that much more terrifying for the victims. When they're at the lake, at least there's an endless amount of open space that the kids can run into. Even if their cars don't work (which they never do, of course), they're still not completely stuck. Here, though, there was absolutely nowhere they could go. They were trapped in a confined space with Jason, knowing that the only they could do was either hide or fight. Or throw him overboard, but good luck with that. Once they got to New York, they felt like they'd reached a safe haven. They thought, "Okay, we're here, there are other people around, and there are plenty of places to hide." They learned quickly that there was still no way to get away from him, of course. But that was a giant let-down and, and I feel like it showcases the exhaustion that they must have felt. They went through so much already while they were on the boat; they arrived at their destination, believing that they were safe, only to realize that nowhere was safe from Jason Voorhees. I think that these victims had a rougher time than the rest because of this.

Okay, first I'll explain the issues that I do have with the movie, then I'll round things off with reasons why it's still fucking awesome. I mentioned that it feels like one giant plot hole, and it really does. The back-story for this one really doesn't make any sense at all. The main character, Rennie, has something in common with Jason: she can't swim, and she's terrified of the water. To be fair, Jason's not scared of anything (I hate when people say he's scared of water, because he's in it all the fucking time; there's no way he's scared of  anything.), though he was when he was a child. Apparently, when Rennie was a kid, her uncle tried to teach her to swim by throwing her out of their canoe. While under the water, she saw a young, deformed Jason -- which is why she grew so completely terrified of being in the water. Okay, one of two things were happening with this bit. They were either trying to imply that Jason was a ghost, or they didn't realize that he's like, 40 years older than her and there's no way she could have met him as a child. Throughout the movie, she sees glimpses of the young Jason drowning and crying out for help. She sees him in mirrors and in the windows of the boat. Again, is Jason supposed to be a ghost, or are they somehow mentally linked to one another? It didn't really expand on or explain any of that, so I really didn't get it.

Secondly, the way Jason looked. They didn't fuck with his appearance in the same way that Jason X did. For the most part, he looked just like he was supposed to. When he was unmasked, though...I don't know what the fuck that was. His face was flat, he had no teeth, and his skin sort of looked blue. Hillbilly smuf, anyone? When Jason's mask is removed, we're supposed to be terrified by how vile and gruesome his face is. This, though, was just funny -- and that shit ain't right. He was unmasked down in the sewers of New York. The two heroes threw some toxic waste on his face, it melted a little bit, and then he...turned back into a child. What? Yeah, little Jason returned, in the fetal position crying like a baby. Who knew that toxic waste was a time machine? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and it  is actually the biggest issue I have with the movie. Maybe it was imagination or drug-induced hallucination (because Rennie had been drugged and almost raped by some thugs). Maybe they were trying to turn Jason into something different; something less than human that we hadn't seen before, but they weren't really sure how to do it. I think that was actually done better in Jason Goes to Hell. Sure, it was stupid as fuck, but at least it made a little bit of sense.

Despite the fact that Jason Takes Manhattan doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I still love it. It has some of my favorite scenes from the entire series, ones that I always use as examples when explaining why I love these movies so much. First, there's a hot rocker chick who is killed by her own guitar. There's the boxer who thought he could actually beat Jason's ass. Jason ended up letting the guy punch him until he was exhausted, then punched his head clean off. It landed it a dumpster. Later, when his friends were trying to find him, they found his head stuck on the gearshift of a police car. Oh, Jason. You're so funny. There was a guy who had a hot sauna rock shoved into his stomach, which looked extremely painful...and awesome! There was the hockey billboard that really confused Jason when he first arrived in New York. And  the best one, and probably my favorite scene in any of the movies. There were some thugs in New York, outside listening to some music. Jason was angry as he walked past them, so he kicked over their boom-box. They thought they were bad-ass, thought they'd pull a knife on him and start cussing him. He turned around, lifted up his mask, and the thugs stumbled through something like, "Sorry, m-man. It's cool, dude." No, he didn't kill them; which brings me to another thing I like about the movie. It shows that Jason isn't the mindless killer everyone thinks he is. Sure, he was a mongoloid. Sure, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. But he's not as stupid as people assume. Once they got to New York, he didn't bother anyone. He didn't kill any of the NY citizens unless they got in his way. He wasn't after them. He had no problems with them, because they hadn't invaded his home. I think he only killed one person in New York, actually, which...makes me smile really big. You remember when Kane Hodder was denied the part in Freddy Vs. Jason, in favor of Ken Kirzinger? Well, I really despise Ken, because he really sucked balls. The NY citizen that Jason killed here? He was played by Ken. Ha! I love watching it now and seeing Kane throw Ken around like a rag doll. Little bitch ass.

So, yeah; the movie has its issues, but it also has its charm. I don't care that it doesn't make sense. Sure, I like the stories they throw in, but that's not why I'm here. It's cool if they've got a good story, but mainly it's about Jason. I don't watch these movies to be engaged with the characters' stories. I don't watch them for the characters, because I could give two shits about any of them, despite how likable they are. I'm here to watch Jason fuck shit up. Ghost, mongoloid, whatever they were trying to turn him into...he still does that quite brilliantly.

#236 -- Frankenstein (1931)

Frankenstein (1931) film poster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: James Whale

This is often considered the single greatest horror movie ever made. While it's not my number one favorite movie, I would probably have to agree. It was one of the first horror monsters in creation, one of the "big three," as I like to call them (along with Dracula and The Wolf Man). It has inspired so much, has been copied and remade, but it has, and never will be, duplicated.

I read the book when I was in high school, and even though I don't remember every little detail, I do remember how completely different it was. In the book, the Monster was actually a very intelligent creature. After he was cast out by his creator, he wandered the wilderness. He eventually taught himself to speak and read, and he had an actual thought process--not like this Monster we've come to know and love. He was also kind of an asshole. His goal was to find Victor, his creator, and have revenge on him and his family for creating and shunning him. He also wanted a bride, so that he wouldn't feel so alone; when Victor didn't comply (or rather, promised him a mate and didn't make good on that promise), he was even angrier. I really can't blame him for being the way he was. I would have been angry too. He didn't ask to be made; and he certainly didn't ask to be feared and hated.

In the movie, though, it seems they softened the Monster up a bit. To me, he was a very sympathetic and tragic character. The doctor was actually named Henry in the movie (they switched the names of Dr. Frankenstein and his best friend), and he was obsessed with creating the Monster. He didn't care how many times people called him crazy, because he wanted to discover something great. He and his assistant, Fritz, stole bodies from the cemetery and parts from the medical lab in order to work on his experiment. Fritz, whose job it was to find the brain for the creature, messed up. He got an abnormal brain rather than a normal brain, which would be the cause of the creature's "viciousness." He stayed alone in an abandoned tower, leaving his family, friends and fiance home to worry about him. His best friend Victor, a doctor friend, and fiance Elizabeth visited him one day, claiming once again that he was crazy. But the storm that would bring his creation to life was brewing, and he was determined to show everyone that he was perfectly sane.


When he finally brought the creature to life, he started to regret it. He seemed fine at first, until Fritz brought a torch into the room, causing the Monster to lash out at everyone. This wasn't because he was vicious, of course; it was simply because he was afraid. But that scared everyone. They locked him up and planned to destroy him. Henry and Elizabeth returned home, leaving Henry's doctor friend to destroy the Monster. That didn't go very well for the doctor, and the Monster escaped.

The first person he met after his escape was a little girl named Maria. He befriended her for a brief period, which is what showed me that he was a severely misunderstood character. They were playing with flowers by a lake, and Maria was showing him how they floated. When he ran out of flowers, he decided to throw Maria in the lake. He had no intentions of harming her in any way; he was only trying to play with her. After that, he ran away in search of his creator. He crashed Henry and Elizabeth's wedding, while an angry mob was forming in the town. The mob chased the Monster to a big windmill in the mountains, where the set fire to the building, and supposedly destroyed the Monster for good.

What I love about the movie is the fact that the Monster is a sympathetic and misunderstood character. Like a snake, he only became vicious when he was threatened. He never meant to hurt anyone; but they frightened him and he saw no other option. I do believe he felt some negativity towards the Frankenstein family for creating and deserting him, but the way this character was portrayed, I really don't think he had the brain power to come up with such things. In the book, yes; but in the movie, he was meant to be a brain-dead monster and nothing more. I really think he only wanted to be reunited with his "father," and not to be left alone any longer.

A couple of things I really enjoyed about the movie--Frederick Kerr as Henry Frankenstein's father. He was silly, and he made me laugh every time he was on screen. He was the typical silly old man, and I really enjoyed him. And, of course, Boris Karloff. This was my first introduction to him, and I've loved him ever since. What's interesting, though, is that he wasn't even credited as playing The Monster. In the credits, there was only a question mark where his name should have been. I guess that added to the mystery and terror of the character, which I thought was really cool.

Either way you choose to look at it, love it or hate it, you cannot deny that Frankenstein is a piece of cinematic history that will never lose its place in the hearts of horror fans.

#226 -- A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Chuck Russell

I looked into a few reviews and comments about this movie, and it seems that some people think it is stupid. A new idea was introduced in this one, as well as a new trait in Freddy's personality. It's also the movie in which Freddy's nemesis was finally destroyed. Some people don't like that. It would be different if it had been done way later in the series; but at this point, the franchise was still young, so I think it was okay for them to switch things up a bit and make it more interesting. Personally, I think if they hadn't, Freddy wouldn't have become as much of an icon as he is. But that's just me.

Anyways, this one steers away from the direction the second movie took; meaning it's actually really good. I didn't understand the second one, really. In the first, Freddy was taking revenge on those who killed him by murdering their children. I guess he figured, kill their kids so they live the rest of their lives knowing it was their fault. That's more than enough to make someone's life miserable. But in the second, Freddy wanted to possess the main character, for whatever reason. But in this one, he returns to wanting all the kids dead. The story centers on Kristen, one of the many Elm Street children. She is sent to Westin Hills psychiatric hospital after what her mother believed was a suicide attempt (but which was actually an attack by Freddy, of course). She's joined by a group of other teenagers having the same problems: the dreams about the horribly burned man in the Christmas sweater. Heather Langenkamp returns as Nancy; she's all grown up, and she works at Westin Hills. She's been taking a drug called Hypnocil, which suppresses her dreams and keeps the boogeyman away. She wants to give it to the kids, but certain problems prevent that from happening.

Nancy soon discovers that Kristen has the ability to pull other people into her dreams, meaning that they can form a sort of army against Freddy. They also discover that they can do whatever they want in their dreams. Why no one figured this out before now, I have no clue. Kristen is a gymnast in her dreams; Taryn is a badass chick; Will, wheelchair-bound after a suicide attempt, can walk in his dreams. And he's also the Wizard Master. Kincaid, the tough guy, is super strong when he dreams; Joey, the cute mute guy, has a very powerful voice in dreamland. And Nancy is just Nancy, I guess. So, once they realize that they can have all these powers in their dreams, they decide to go in after Freddy, in hopes that, together, they can take him.

What I love about this one is just that: the dream powers. If Freddy can do all these crazy things, why shouldn't the kids be able to have powers? And they are dreams, after all; anything is possible. This one also has one of my favorite death scenes ever. A guy named Phillip has the tendons in  his arms ripped out, and they're used as marionette strings, with Freddy as the puppeteer. He ends up making Phillip jump out of a window. It just looks so amazing. So, I love that they introduced the dream powers in this one, and I'm not actually sure if they ever used it again. I know everyone always brought Freddy into the real world, but I can't quite remember if they ever had special powers in their dreams. But, anyways, I loved that. This is also the movie where Freddy's sense of humor really started. He got silly. Some people might not like that, but honestly...Freddy wouldn't be the same otherwise. Just think about if you were in the kids' shoes. There's this scary dude trying to kill them. They're going to be mad at him to begin with, right? Well, on top of that, he's making fun of them too. They've got to be pissed. But we, as audience members, just find it hilarious. That's what makes everyone love Freddy. He's scary, but he's also funny. You don't know whether to laugh or run away and hide.

So I loved how they switched it up in this movie, but I have a few questions. We know why Freddy exists. He was killed by the parents of Elm Street, and his revenge was to kill all of their children. In this one, Nancy says that the kids in Westin Hills are the last of the Elm Street children. Since Nancy was killed in this one, and remaining kids were killed in the next movie, why did Freddy continue killing? This question wasn't answered until, I believe, Wes Craven's New Nightmare. Freddy said that, when he died, he was offered a "job" by some demons. So, it was his job to kill children then. I guess he just decided that, if he had to kill some, he might as well get some revenge while he was at it. And once he was finished with his revenge, he still had a job to do, so he just kept on going. That was until no one was scared of him anymore, and he had to bring in my husband to put some fear back into the hearts of the kids on Elm Street.

Another thing I liked about this movie was that it went a little deeper into Freddy's past. We learned how he was born, and how he got the nicknamed "bastard son of a hundred maniacs." We got to meet Freddy's mother, and it kind of gave us a clue of why he was so messed up in his life. We got to understand him better.

This has always been my favorite of the Nightmare movies, and I know it always will be. Dream powers, a nun being raped by 100 crazy men, and Dokken. Can't forget them. I actually knew nothing about them until I saw the movie, but the theme song to Dream Warriors is fantastic. You should definitely have a listen.

I don't have a problem with the new direction they took with Freddy. I'm glad they decided to make him a comical character. It's just another reason why A Nightmare on Elm Street is different from any other horror movie ever made.

#209 -- Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Tom McLoughlin

You know how a series, once it gets to a certain point, starts getting silly? This is where Friday the 13th started showing us its humorous side. It wasn't all that bad, and there were definitely sillier ones to follow, but this is where it started. That doesn't mean I don't love the movie still, because it's actually one of my favorites, but there are certain parts in it that will make you laugh out loud.

Tommy Jarvis out of the halfway house he was sent to in the fifth movie.  I guess having been through what he'd been through--someone masquerading around as the man that Tommy feared most--he needed some clarity in his life. He wanted to make damn sure that Jason Voorhees was dead. Even though some guy in part five said that Jason was cremated, in part six, Tommy visited Jason's grave. The body was inside, which was exactly what Tommy wanted to see. But that wasn't enough for him. By then he knew Jason, so he wanted to be extra sure that Jason was dead. So he dug up the grave and opened up Jason's casket. He was, indeed, dead. But Tommy's relief was short-lived, because a lightning strike straight into Jason's coffin brought him right back from the dead.

As per usual, Jason returned to Crystal Lake to slaughter some teenagers. This one had one of my favorite kills in it, as well. It's not one of my favorites because it's vicious and gruesome, or anything like that. It's one of my favorites because it's funny. It is the reason I say that this movie was the turning point of the silliness for the series. It's really the only silly part, but it was the only silly thing from any of the movies up to this point. There was a guy out in the woods playing a game of paintball. Jason grabbed his arm and flung him, taking his arm clean off. The guy's face smashed into a tree, leaving a smiley face imprint. I mean, really? Did they expect us to believe that's what it would actually look like had the guy's face really smashed into the tree? I don't think so. I think they just wanted a little bit of comic relief to throw into the mixture.

Another thing I really love about this movie is the soundtrack. It features a few songs by one of my favorite artists, Alice Cooper. Teenage Frankenstein is in there, as well as a song that Alice wrote specifically for the movie: a song called He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask). Once I heard it, it instantly became one of my favorite songs. Jason is featured in the music video for the song, and Alice even dresses up like him to scare a few kids in a movie theater. It's all fun and games, and I fucking love it. Click here to see the music video!

Jason was played by a guy named C.J Graham in this one. He is an ex-marine, he was in pretty good shape, and I think he did a good job. He's my third favorite person to ever play Jason, behind Kane Hodder and Derek Mears.

From this point on, the movies did get kind of silly, but I still love them anyway. There's no way in hell you'll ever get me to say any of these movies are less than wonderful--even the ones I don't like as much as some others. The series as a whole is my favorite thing ever, and you'll never hear me claim otherwise. So even though this one was a bit silly, as were most of the ones that followed, all but one will receive a five-point rating (that one being Jason X, which receives a 4.9).

#193 -- The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Rating: 5 / 5
Directors: Michael Herz & Lloyd Kaufman

He was 95 pounds of solid nerd, until he became...The Toxic Avenger!

With all those other lucky superheroes out there, I think it's nice to have an unlucky one who everyone can relate to. Iron Man could only do what he did because he had money, and it was the same with Batman. Superman was an alien, so he doesn't count. Thor was a God, so it's only natural that he'd be badass. And then there's Melvin Ferd. I think he's like a cross between Captain America and The Hulk. Captain America was a tiny little nerd, until some unlikely and surprising circumstances turned him into a hero. Bruce Banner was a normal guy, until he was exposed to some gamma rays, turning him into The Hulk.

Melvin was the biggest nerd you could ever imagine. I actually think that's how they came up with his last name--Ferd--a contraction of Fucking Nerd. I mean, he was the worst. He was goofy looking, he was clumsy, he was a pervert; he was every bully's favorite guy. He was a janitor at the Tromaville Health Club. They called him the Mop Boy, and  he was an extremely easy target for ridicule. There was a group of bullies in particular that liked to pick on Melvin, but they were more than just bullies. They were murderers. They played a game of hit and run, with each target earning them a certain amount of points. One day one of the evil girls, Julie, decided to play a prank on Melvin. She told him she wanted to do it with him, but only if he was wearing pink, because pink really turned him on. Since he didn't have anything pink, she gave him a tutu and told him to meet her at the pool. When he got there, all the lights were out, but he followed her voice to her waiting lips. Or what he thought were her waiting lips; the lips that actually awaited him belonged to a sheep. Completely humiliated, Melvin ran.

Everyone in the gym ran after him, cackling laughter all the way. He ended up jumping out of a window, and he landed in a barrel of toxic waste on a truck parked below. Instead of killing him, like you would expect, the toxic waste gave him superpowers.

Everyone who knows anything about Troma knows that they are low budget movies. But anyone who watches them knows that their effects are actually quite good. The transformation from Melvin to Toxic Avenger was gruesome, gross, and awesome. After he was transformed by the toxic waste, Melvin had a sort of spidey sense. Whenever evil was around, he lost control, and he just had to destroy it. The superhero inside of him took over, and evil was no match for him. Toxie, as his fans so lovingly refer to him now, was vicious and bad ass. He could really fuck shit up. And trust me, there were plenty of people to be fucked up in Tromaville. It was a crime-ridden town, with gangs, thieves, drug dealers, and crooked politicians galore. But Toxie was on a mission to rid his beloved town of all evil--cleaning up crime, one thug at a time, with his mops of justice. They called him The Monster Hero, and he was either loved or hated by the townspeople. Some were afraid of him, and thought he should be destroyed, though those were mostly the crooked ones with something to  hide. The others, the ones he saved from the gangs, were very thankful and loyal to him. Along with his blind girlfriend Sarah, they were all on his side, and they would save him from the evil government trying to kill him.

Even though it was a terrible situation that Melvin was thrown into, it wasn't all bad. He got to have his revenge in the end, and he became a hero with a beautiful woman by his side. This might not be a full-fledged horror movie (I think it's lumped in there because of all the over-the-top gore).

It's a beautiful coming of age story with a wonderful message to tell. If Melvin Ferd, the biggest loser on the planet, can find his place in this world, and find love while he's at it, so can you.

To me, there's no excuse for not loving this movie. If you don't, you're a weirdo and you should be ashamed of yourself. Not really, but I do think it appeals to many different senses. It's got the typical Troma gore--over the top and completely ridiculous, but at the same time fucking awesome. It's got those stupid, corny jokes I've come to love. And, of course, it's got an unbelievable story that becomes believable with its wonderful characters. Toxic waste or no, Melvin Ferd is the shit. And if you're one of those awesome people who do enjoy this kind of think, you should check out the novelization of the movie, written by Lloyd Kaufman himself (along with some guy named Adam Jahnke, though I believe it was just Lloyd and he's fucking with us). It gets deeper into Melvin's past, as well as his girlfriend Sarah's. It also tells us more of the corruption of Tromaville and its leaders. And also, it's funny as shit.

The Toxic Avenger is a franchise no one expected. How could something so stupid go so far? Two sequels, books, a children's cartoon, a theater production (I'm not even kidding), action figures, etc. Toxie has become an icon and a household name. So my last words for you guys are these: All hail the monster hero!

Some more screen caps, 'cause I can