#229 -- The Human Centipede 2 [Full Sequence] (2011)

Rating: 1 / 5
Director: Tom Six

Raise your hand if you thought the first Human Centipede was gross and fucked up. Well, you're in for a big surprise with this one, guys. You probably thought there couldn't be anything worse than that first one, right? Oh, how wrong you were. This is on such a different level than the first that I can't even begin to tell you. Well, yes, I can; that's why I'm here.

The problem I have with this one is that it was just trying to gross me out. That was its only purpose. Yeah, the first one was trying to do the same thing, but at least it made some kind of sense. This one, you can tell it's only going for the gross-out by the way the main character was portrayed. He was absolutely disgusting. The killer, Martin, was almost more disgusting than the centipede was. He was a fat bug-eyed bastard who was half naked throughout most of the movie. I mean, really? You've got people shitting in other peoples' mouths, do I really have to sit here and watch this fat slob of a man go into coughing fits every fucking three seconds? He was fucked up in the head, for sure. It's got way too much back story on him, I guess to make us understand why he's so fucked up. But personally, I don't care why he's fucked up. But here it is: he was raped by his father when he was a baby. We know he was a baby, because in his flashbacks, we can clearly hear a baby crying. And get this, while he was doing it, his dad was saying, "Stop all those tears, you're just making daddy's willy harder." Seriously? Add to that fact that his mother hated him for having his father sent to prison and you've got the perfect recipe for insanity. His mom actually tried to kill him, but her plan backfired when he bashed her face in with his crowbar. Like, there was absolutely nothing left of her face. And then he sat her down and had dinner with her. That was actually the best part of the movie, in my opinion.

Anyways, this one actually acknowledged the fact that the first one was just a movie. Martin was obsessed with it. And I mean, obsessed. I think it was because he was so fat that he couldn't even get out of bed to take a shit, so he thought it was a good idea to just have someone's mouth there to shit in. He should have just done it to himself. If he really wanted to torture people, he should have included himself as part of the sequence. There would be nothing more terrifying than having your face stapled to that fat fuck's ass. But I digress. He had a scrapbook of the movie, with detailed drawings of the procedures, and he masturbated with sandpaper while watching it. They really wanted us to know that this guy was messed up. So, he was so obsessed that he decided to recreate the centipede, but he wanted to step it up a little bit. He wanted it to be more like a real centipede, so he abducted twelve people instead of just three. He worked at a parking garage, and that's where he got all his victims. I find it strange that he apparently worked in the garage alone, and no one--not a one damn person--noticed twelve people missing from the same place.

Oh, and it's in black and white for no reason at all.

So, he had some people in his warehouse that no one cares about. But one of them was a pregnant lady. He got her and her husband, and left her infant son in the car by himself. When he first started to put the people together, the pregnant woman died. Another guy died too, but I was mostly worried about the pregnant lady. At the end, it turned out that she wasn't dead at all. She woke up and escaped. She got into a car outside, gave birth, kicked the baby aside, and smashed its head underneath the gas pedal. I repeat: seriously? I mean, what the fuck is the point? I get it, maybe she was just so worried about getting out of there that she didn't give a shit. But personally, I wouldn't kill my newborn baby for anything. I don't think anyone would.

He also got one of the stars of the first movie to be in his sequence. She stuck a funnel in his ass and threw his pet centipede in it to feast upon his insides. Once the pregnant lady escaped, he killed everyone else, though. So, again, I really don't see the point.

Yeah, it's gross. I'm not easily disgusted, I'll tell you the truth. The part that got me the most was when he severed the tendons in peoples' kneecaps. I've always had issues with my knees, and anything like that just really fucks with me. Also, when he gave everyone an injection of laxatives. You could hear the diarrhea sounds so clearly, and it really, truly was the most disgusting movie I have ever seen. I thought the first one was okay. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it. This one is just fucking terrible. I mean, 100% awful. There's no point. I've wasted my life and made myself not want to eat anything else EVER. All for the purpose of being able to share it with you. You should feel oh, so very special.

Ew.