#219 -- Fear of Clowns (2004)

Rating: 4 / 5
Director: Kevin Kangas

The fear of clowns, or coulrophobia, is easy to explain. It is the fear of something that's just not right. Clowns are supposed to be silly, fun and entertaining. They're supposed to bring laughter, not fear. So when a clown becomes menacing, becomes a murderer, the idea is absolutely terrifying. It's just not right. It is something that some people, as children, loved. We've all seen them at the circus, or had them at our birthday parties, and they've made us laugh and giggle. Hell, I've got a clown in my family. They're all fun and games until they rip your heart out. I know, because I used to be terrified of them, as I'm sure everyone has. I grew out of it, and grew to love them, but I still realize that they can be damn scary. The clown in this movie, however, doesn't scare  me one bit. He is menacing, he is creepy, he is strong, and his weapon of choice should instill fear in even the bravest of hearts. But there are a couple of things that make him completely un-scary for me. Okay, maybe just one thing, but we'll get to that a bit later. First, let's take a look at the movie.

It's about an artist named Lynn who paints scary clown for a living. I'm not sure what her fixation on clowns is all about. I don't think she was afraid of them to begin with, but I can't be sure. I can be sure, though, that she grew terrified of them rather quickly. First she saw the clown outside her window. She passed out and woke up with the cops by her side. He did come into her house, but he didn't harm her in any way. Then people around her started dying. First it was a family that lived a couple houses down, then a friend, and another friend, and her boss, and eventually her husband. I must point out that you shouldn't feel sad that her husband was killed. They were in the middle of a divorce, he was attempting to take everything from her (including their son), and he hired someone to kill her, probably to get the life insurance money. He didn't hire the clown to kill her, but you'll learn that Clown and Husband were connected.

The clown had nothing against Lynn that I could tell. He was crazy. He had been seeing a psychiatrist because he heard voices and such, and he thought that killing her would make him all better. I think maybe he just saw her and latched onto her; his messed up brain gave him the idea of killing her to cure himself. Lynn had the help of her new boyfriend, Tuck, along with a detective who reminded me of Bruce Campbell. The action culminated in a movie theater. Tuck apparently knew someone who worked there, and he was able to get into the place after it closed. Probably not a good idea considering the situation. It probably wasn't a good idea to leave their cell phones at home, either, but hey! It's a horror movie, and stupid things must be done.

Which brings me to the characters. Of course they did some stupid things; that's the norm when it comes to horror movies. We expect those stupid things to be done, and we enjoy making fun of the characters for doing them. It's not a big deal. For the most part, their actions were believable, and most of the characters were at least somewhat likable.

Now let's talk about the clown who they call Shivers. I said that he doesn't scare me, but it's not because he wasn't a good clown. He was definitely menacing, and there were some good, creepy scenes in here. But my problem is the way he looks. He's got the clown make-up, and it's actually really good. He's got a crooked mouth with big teeth, the big eyebrows, and the cute little cheeks. He wears that frilly thing around his neck, red patchwork pants, the white gloves, and the big shoes. But he wears no shirt. I guarantee that you'll never see another clown like this. He is ripped; big and muscular, and pretty damn sexy. So, my heart fluttered every time he showed up, but not in fear. He was too hot to be scary. So I guess it's not really a problem at all; I actually quite enjoyed it. Oh, and he carried a big battle axe. Plus. 

All in all, I think Fear of Clowns was a really good movie. There were some nice tense scenes, some nice suspense, and some awesome paintings that I would love to have hanging around my house (but with my boyfriend's own little bout of coulrophobia, I doubt that will ever happen). You should definitely see this movie. If you're scared of clowns, or if you just like muscular men in clown make-up (in other words, if you're weird like me), then it should definitely be on your list of must-see movies.