#343 -- Insanitarium (2008)

Director: Jeff Buhler
Rating: 4.5 / 5

Once again, I found myself watching (and really enjoying) a movie that I didn't expect all that much from. I hadn't even intended to watch this at all (I just downloaded Crackle to my computer and I wanted to see how well it worked), but I just couldn't turn it off! The synopsis that Crackle gave me was pretty bland - something about a guy getting himself committed to an insane asylum in order to break out his whacko sister. See, I've seen a couple of hospital-based horrors, and they're all the same at their core: crazy doctor does mean things, patients die, one patient retaliates and fucks shit up. Yeah, okay. I've seen it before, and I wasn't exactly jumping up and down with excitement to see it again. But, here! It took a turn that I did not expect AT ALL. Sure, if I'd read some reviews, or maybe even a synopsis somewhere else, I might have known what was up. But I'm glad I didn't, because I was surprised at how things turned out, and that's what made me love this movie.

I already gave you the synopsis: a guy convinces folks that he's crazy so he can get into the asylum where his sister is. See, they won't let him talk to her or see her, so he just wants to make sure she's a live. Seems like a good idea, right? Wrong. Once he gets there, he starts to realize that -  hey! - they're doing some pretty wacky shit here, and I don't think I want to be here anymore. But, just what is all that wacky shit? Well, I think part of the reason I enjoyed it so much was that I didn't know what that wacky shit was going into it. That might be the case with you guys, and I definitely don't want to ruin for you; so, I'll save that until later for those of you who don't care.

Anyways...There are several reasons that this movie was great. First of all, it drug me in and wouldn't let me go. From the first few minutes, I was hooked. I could feel the love that Jack had for his sister, and the lengths he was willing to go to to make sure that she was okay. Plus, he was hot. I'm still a woman. Then, when he started acting crazy, I was totally hooked -- he was so good at it! And everyone knows I love me a crazy man. Oh yes. Seeing the other crazy people was great too. They all had individualized personalities that were interesting and unique. I think the character development in this one was wonderful; I even felt like I knew the minor characters pretty well, which is definitely not common in horror movies. There was one guy who reminded me of Hannibal Lector, liked to touch and smell people and was overall one creepy motherfucker. There was a chick who was obsessed with sex, but anytime anyone touched her, she'd freak and scream rape. Oh, and she ended up doing some pretty gnarly things to the security guard that she was fucking. There were plenty of others, but let's move on. I thought the story was great and, even though Jack's decision was downright stupid, it had heart. He was a good guy who loved his sister, and it's always easy to root for the good guy. I also have to praise Jesse Metcalfe on his great acting. He went from an intelligent man to a mumbling psycho in no time, and it seemed an easy transition for him. It seemed natural and believable. And the gore! There was plenty of blood a-flowin' in this one, and it looked great. The kills were great, and the effects that brought them to life were well done. There was one scene where a guy broke a woman's arm, licked the protruding bone, and then proceeded to rip the arm completely off and eat it. And a machete to the face -- gotta love a machete to the face.

All of that sounds great, right? Well, it should, because it is. But that's not even including that wacky shit I mentioned earlier. That's just icing on the bloody cake that was already pretty delicious to begin with.

Continue reading if you want to know what was REALLY going on...

#281 -- Asylum Blackout (2011)

Director: Alexandre Courtes
Rating: 2.5 / 5

Ugh. That is all I can say. I hate when movies have potential, succeed in ways, and then completely destroy themselves by the end. The idea of Asylum Blackout is an interesting one. It's pretty much the same as Medium Raw, a movie I reviewed not too long ago.

It's about a group of musicians working as cooks in an asylum for the criminally insane. One night, all the lights went out and the inmates escaped from their rooms and started a riot. It's a pretty simple story that could be downright terrifying if it was done properly. Sadly, it wasn't done properly here. The main issue I have with the movie is that it's confusing. At the end, I was left with more questions than answers, which is always disappointing. If I'm to be completely honest, though, I was left with all questions and no answers. The ending made absolutely no sense whatsoever, and the viewer is left with only theories to explain away what happened.

There were a couple of occurrences that hinted at what would happen in the end, but none of them panned out. First, there was George, the main character. At the first of the movie, as he was cutting some meat, he badly cut his finger and bled all over the raw steak. I thought, "Oh, something's going to happen with his blood in that meat." Later on, George had to go to work early in order to receive a shipment of meat, and the meat was kind of weird. They were shocked and confused when they realized that the chickens still had their heads attached, and the delivery man just said, "Oh, that's how they do it now." Also, I noticed that the boxes the meat was held in was dripping. It might have been blood, though I'm not sure. It was just something else to leave me confused.

There was on particular prisoner, Harry, that seemed sort of weird in the way that he was oddly drawn to George. At one point, George saw him convince another inmate to spit out his medication, and it can be assumed that he did this with several other (or all...) inmates. Throughout the movie, George was absolutely certain that Harry was the one behind all the riots and everything, and I was pretty quick to go along with him. There were scenes with Harry overseeing acts of torture and murder, and scenes where he was personally torturing George. But then there was a scene that implied George had been dead the entire time.

And then there's the ending...There's practically nothing to it, or at least it seemed that way to me. It was jumbled, weird, and made no sense. Maybe the director had some sort of artistic vision that just didn't transfer to the screen. I'm not sure what it was supposed to mean, and it seems like no one else is either. There's a thread on IMDB dedicated to discussing the confusing ending, which is where I got the few theories that I have. Before reading that, I was absolutely stumped. I had no clue. It seems to me that they were going for a sort of Shutter Island type of deal. That maybe George had been crazy all along, and was simply imagining everything. Maybe he was Harry, and he simply created this alter ego in order to take the blame off himself. But again, I honestly have no clue. I will admit that I was also confused by Shutter Island (both the book and the movie), but those were confusing in an intriguing and amazing sort of way. Not a "what a waste of time" sort of way. Shutter Island will make you think. Asylum Blackout will leave you feeling nothing.

I applaud the director for attempting to create an artistic movie that's different and unique. But it failed to relay its message to the viewer. It left me feeling confused and angry for wasting my time with it. But I watched in on my VOD, so I really didn't expect it to be anything but mediocre.

Plus side for the ladies: you'll get to see the hot guy naked.