#311 -- Abraham Linclon: Vampire Hunter (2012)

Director: Timur Bekmambetov
Rating: 4 / 5

I knew going into this that it was based on a book. I haven't read the book, but that told me one thing: that it was at least going to be a unique and interesting story. But I honestly didn't know what I was getting myself into. It turns out, it's actually a really great movie, and it was more than I imagined it would be. I took more from it than I would have expected.

I'm not an expert on Abe Lincoln. I know as much as every other regular person out there, and that is just what I remember from high school. Not much. He freed the slaves, and he wore a funky hat: that's just about it. But still, I feel like the people making the movie knew a lot about him. Even though I know practically nothing, I feel like most aspects of his life were adequately portrayed. I could be wrong. They could have been wrong. There could be Lincoln experts out there seething at how wrong they were. But none of that matters. Here, Lincoln is simply a fictional character based on a real man. Sill, I feel like Lincoln's story was told properly; just with a few extra little details thrown in.

As a young boy, Abe saw his mother murdered. He grew up with anger and hatred in his heart, and once he reached adulthood, he vowed vengeance on the man who committed the crime. He met with a man named Henry who informed him that the murderer was a vampire, and Henry taught Abe the ways of slaying. As with any job, the job of vampire hunter came with a few rules. Abe could only kill the vampires that Henry told him to kill, and none other. Henry obliged only so that he could wait until the day that his mother's murderer's name appeared on his list. Abe lived as a hunter for a while, and eventually learned that there was another evil he wished to destroy: slavery. He thought that, the best way to destroy this particular evil was with words rather than his axe. So he became president. The war began. The confederate army was full of vampires, and soldiers were dying left and right. It wasn't until Abe's son was killed the same way as his mother that he decided to take matters into his own hands. He picked up his axe once more and joined in the war himself.

Now, that's the basic premise of the movie; but naturally, there's much more to it than that. I don't want to spoil it, because it's something that you should experience on your own. It's full of love, betrayal, murder and heartache -- as are most vampire movies. The historical aspect of it only makes it more interesting, because you understand that most of these things actually did happen. So, here's what the movie did for me. It made me appreciate Honest Abe even more. I know it's sad, because I should have greatly appreciated him to begin with, but it is what it is. Secondly, it turned Abraham Lincoln into a sex symbol. Yes, I said it. I'm probably the only one who thinks this way, but bear with me. Physically, Benjamin Walker, who played Abe, is kind of cute. But that's not what attracted me to him. He was fucking bad-ass. The way he could swing that axe around was absolutely amazing. He was a great fighter. Plus, inside of the axe was a hidden gun. That just makes him even more bad-ass. Here, I was under the impression that Abraham Lincoln was a peaceful man (which, in reality, he probably was), but this fictional version of him could kick some serious vampire ass. Doing that in a suit and a funky top-hat just made it even better. Remember that commercial about the game "Apples to Apples", where it showed their version of "sexy Abe Lincoln"? Imagine that, just less goofy and with a big 'ol axe in his hand. I'm sure I'm not the only freaky horror girl out there who would find that sexy.

I'm rambling, I apologize. Anyways, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter was, indeed, a very good movie. It was equal parts action, horror, romance and historical fiction. It had an interesting story which married reality with fantasy, and the vampire aspects of it actually made sense when linked with real events. Again, I haven't read the book, but I can only imagine that it's ten times better. So I definitely have to read it. I had high hopes for this one going into it, but I never imagined that I would like it as much as I did.