My Favorite Horror Characters

I don't really feel like watching any movies tonight, so I'm going to keep it simple with a couple of lists.

Top 5 Horror Monsters

5. Ghosts/Spirits

I'm not a huge fan of ghosts/possessions and the like, probably because I'm not a believer in the supernatural. It just seems too far fetched for me. But there are times, when a movie is done incredibly well, that I do end up liking them. I think 13 Ghosts is my favorite of these kinds (the remake, because I didn't much care for the original).

4. Vampires

There's something special about vampires. They're beautiful and seductive, yet powerful and deadly. There's something magnificent about a creature that you know is dangerous, but you are drawn to them for that reason. I think this makes them, possibly, more dangerous than any other - because, unlike killers or zombies, we don't want to run away from them immediately.

3. Killer Clowns

I was afraid of clowns when I was younger; now I love them. There's something extremely creepy about them. It's a creature that is supposed to be silly and make children happy. But here's one that's smiling while it's ripping your guts out. Eek!

2. Zombies

Mhmmm. I have always loved zombies. There is something incredibly sexy about them, even though they are completely disgusting. Their skin is rotting and falling off, and most of them are missing half their bodies. But somehow I'm attracted to them. Maybe I've got necrophilia-like tendencies in my subconscious. Who knows? All I know is that I will always love me some zombies.

1. Slashers/Serial Killers

Perhaps the only thing sexier than a zombie is a psychotic serial killer. Crazy people have always been sexy to me. The crazier they are, the more I want to rip their clothes off. I know, I have problems, but I'm okay with it. The man in the photo is Albert Fish, one of the most infamous serial murderers in history. If you know anything about this man, you know that he was CRAZY AS FUCK. No, I don't think he's sexy, but that's only because he's old. But there's something so awesome in the simplicity of a serial killer. They're not creatures or ghosts or undead; they're just crazy fucks who can't help but to kill people.

Top 10 Horror Villains/Monsters

10. Michael Myers

I know I bitched about Michael in my review of Halloween, but that doesn't mean I completely despise him. I know my friends will be surprised as hell to see him on this list, but I just can't leave him off. He's an important figure in horror, and since I understand that, I can't help but respect him. Also, I'll get some shit for this, but I like Rob Zombie's version of Michael much better than the original. I know, I know - please refrain from throwing rocks at me. But that's just my opinion. Rob made Michael into a more sympathetic character, and honestly scarier. So that's why Mr. Myers made it onto my list.

9. Leprechaun

I'm not sure this guy has an actual name, but Leprechaun works well enough. I know he's silly. But he's so funny, cute and fucking gruesome that I can't help but love him. Also, I love any and everything involving Ireland and Irish heritage, so this is nice for me. I love this little guy!

8. Tarman

I'm not really sure what makes Tarman so special. He didn't really have a giant part in Return of the Living Dead, being that he was just another flesh-eater. Or, in this case, brain-eater. Perhaps it is the fact that he introduced the whole zombie-screaming-out-for-brains thing. I'm not sure. But what we have here is basically a skeleton covered with oozy gunk yelling, "BRAIIINSSS!" every time he is on screen. I don't know what makes him special, but he is very special indeed.

7. Pennywise the Dancing Clown

I don't usually like adaptations of Stephen King's books, but this one is different. It's probably because I saw the movie well before I ever read the book. But either way...IT is my all-time favorite book, and one of my favorite movies. I do believe they did a pretty good job with it, especially compared to some others I've seen. Pennywise the Dancing Clown - in book OR movie form - is creepy as hell. And funny! The only hard part is figuring out which way Tim Curry is more frightening.

6. Chucky/Charles Lee Ray

Most killer dolls are lame as shit, and all the ones I've seen cannot hold a candle to our dear Chucky. He's so cute, yet he's so fucked up and vicious. And as a redhead myself, I'm glad to see one who quit taking shit and got his revenge. Of course, that wasn't his motive, but still. It's nice to see a vicious, fucked up redhead that no one would fuck with.

5. Ghostface

I love Scream. It's nice to see that, in my generation, a good horror movie can still be made. It is simple and wonderful. And Ghostface is amazing. "What's your favorite scary movie?" I think it's great that he quizzes his victims before killing them, and I can only hope that when he decides to call my house, I'll be informed enough to live.

4. Toxie

Okay, he's not a villain. But he is a monster from a somewhat-horror movie. He is the monster hero, and we need to have a good guy among all these assholes, right? I think so. I love Toxie because he was a goofy, nerdy nobody who was turned into a deformed creature. Or as he says in the movie: "A hideously deformed creature with superhuman size and strength." Or, we can go with the tagline of the novel: "He was 98 pounds of solid nerd until he became The Toxic Avenger." Either way, Toxie is the shit.

3. Victor Crowley

Hatchet is wonderful in this day and age because, like Scream, it goes back to the simplicity of horror movies of old. Well, not that old. It calls itself old-school horror, because it uses the formula from the '80s movies I love so much. And Victor Crowley is such a sympathetic villain that I can't help but love him and want to give him lots of hugs. Plus, he's played by Kane Hodder. I mean, come on! How can I not love him?

2. Freddy Kreuger

Of course, the dream demon Freddy Kreuger could not possibly be left out. NOES is an amazing series, because it literally could have gone ANYWHERE. There's nothing they couldn't do with the movies, the kills or Freddy himself. The thing we love most about Freddy is his sense of humor. He succeeds in cracking us up and scaring the shit out of us at the same time.

1. Jason Voorhees

No one saw that coming, right? Of course, you should be able to tell by now that I FUCKING LOVE JASON VOORHEES. I don't want to go too much into it right now, because I have plenty of time for that every Friday. But I will say this: I am absolutely certain - without a doubt - that I will marry this man one day. And we will have beautiful little mongoloid children and go on family killing sprees.