#76 -- House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Director: Rob Zombie

Rating: 4 / 5

If I didn't already expect it by his music, I would be shocked at how fucked up in the head Rob Zombie is. Of course, that's why we love him, so it's quite alright. I think he is a brilliant man when it comes to music, comedy and horror. And this is one of two movies that showcase that (the other being The Haunted World of El Superbeasto). I couldn't fully comprehend every aspect of this movie, but that didn't stop me from loving it. It is grisly and funny and just downright sick. It depicts scenes of murder, cannibalism, and necrophilia. What else could a girl ask for?

We follow a group of four friends who are on their way home for Halloween. They stop at a little gas station owned by one Captain Spaulding. If you're familiar with the movies, chances are you love Captain Spaulding, and rightfully so. Played by Sid Haig, Spaulding is like Eric Cartman: one of those assholes you can't help but love because he's so damn funny. He is a giant dick (not the good kind), but we can't hate him because we're too busy laughing. Spaulding has all sorts of creepy artifacts in his store, as well as a "murder ride," which depicts scenes of infamous murderers from across the country. It includes Albert Fish, Ed Gein, and Dr. Satan, a local legend. The story says that Dr. Satan worked at an insane asylum, and hoped to create a race of superhumans with his mental patients. He was arrested and hung; but his body went missing and was never seen again. The four friends want to see the tree that Dr. Satan was hung on, so Spaulding gives them directions. But they never make it to the tree.

They pick up a beautiful hitchhiker, Baby (the ever-lovely Sheri Moon Zombie), and all goes downhill. They soon discover that their friendly and hospitable hosts are fucking batshit crazy. But they're so obsessed with Dr. Satan, that the man of the house, Otis, agrees to take them to see him. But at this point, all they want to do is get out alive. They load the kids up in a coffin and lower them down into the ground. It is there that we finally meet Dr. Satan and his "creations." 

I can't deny it. This shit is weird. There are some scenes that seem completely disconnected to the main story, but they still kind of make sense. It is gory and the effects are done well. It is hilarious, because all the hillbillies are obscene and couldn't give two shits what the cityslickers think of them. Oh, and Fishboy of course, is amazing. Every time I see The Office (I say "see," because I don't watch it, because it's stupid as fuck, but I digress...) I have to laugh, because Rainn Wilson will always be Fishboy to me. Also, another point in the movie that I feel compelled to point out...At one point, Grandpa and Otis are watching The Munsters. It is the episode where Herman and Grandpa decide to be drag racers. I think we all know that their drag car inspired one of Rob Zombie's own songs: Dragula. Overall, I think House of 1000 Corpses is a great movie. If you're fucked up in the head you will definitely enjoy it. If you're not...Well, get the fuck out 'cause we don't take too kindly to normal folks around here.