#45 -- Suck (2009)

Director: Rob Stefaniuk

Rating: 4 / 5

Ahhh. This is somewhat of a relief from all the extremely shitty vampire movies Hollywood and the like have been spitting out recently. Here we have a not-so-scary vampire movie that is actually good. It's got a decent amount of gore, a lot of humor (like a vampire stabbing someone with a straw and drinking his blood like a strawberry slushie), and a killer cast. 

We have Malcom McDowell as Eddie Van Helsing (complete with old footage of a much younger McDowell), Alice Cooper as a vampire bartender/fairy god mother from hell, and Iggy Pop as a recorder. I mainly saw this because of Alice, who happens to be one of my favorite artists, and I was happy to see that the movie was good. 

A so-called rock band (they're not very rockin', but that's just my opinion) is trying to make it to the top. When one of their members, Jennifer, is turned into a vampire (by a man named Queeny, of all things), that seems to be within their grasp. They start getting recognized, and they become a big hit. One by one (aside from the roadie, Hugo, who was the first to ask), Jennifer transforms the rest of the band. So here we have a rock band, with totally lame songs (like I Almost Killed You Last Night and This Is Your Brain on Drugs), becomes a big deal because it's full of vampires. I think this is a reflection of society's recent obsession with vampires. No matter how ridiculous it is, people are going to swoon over vampires.

While the band is struggling to keep their thirst at bay, Van Helsing is hunting them down. The lead singer, Joey, seems to have the most trouble coping with his new life, especially after killing Victor, their friend and studio-owner. The others seem to enjoy vampire thing very much, since it's making them famous. But Joey just wants his old life back, so he devises a plan to "cure" them, and turn them back to normal.

This one was good. It was different from the more horrifying vampires, of course, but it was good. These vampires weren't whiny or "sensitive." They were only a little bit vicious, and I think the movie is more of a comedy/drama than horror, but I enjoyed it quite a lot. So if you're looking for a good vampire movie that won't scare your pants off (yes, there are movies that will scare you so badly that you will be prompted to remove your trousers), this is it. 

Their music sucked, but their vampires... Well, I guess they sucked too...