#77 -- Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1973)

Director: Bob Clark

Rating: 2 / 5

A group of thespians travel to a creepy island with their theater director, Alan. Alan, it seems, is not only into the theater. He also dabbles a bit in the supernatural. He dons a hideous blue robe, digs up a corpse from a nearby cemetery, and performs a satanic ritual in order to raise the dead. He wants to turn the corpses into his slaves. No one expects it to work, but of course, it does...Eventually. When the zombies do rise up, it's not all that impressing. They're not the best zombies I've ever seen, but I can overlook that. I have nothing against bad zombie movies. It's the complete uninteresting-ness that bothers me.

It takes an hour for the dead things to actually come to life. All the time up to that point is spent wandering around the island, bickering at one another, and overall being extremely boring. The characters really aren't all that likeable, and neither is hardly anything else.

There are three semi-interesting points in the movie. 1) The way Alan dresses. It's not that it's all that interesting; it just happens to be the most frightening part of the movie. He looks like he's in a bad '70s movie. Oh, wait... 2) Anya, a very strange girl who feels symathy for the dead. She's the typical "we shouldn't do this" type of character, only she becomes pretty creepy in the process. 3) Jeff, who pisses his pants after Alan pulls a very scary (note: it's not that scary) prank on him. He keeps repeating, over and over and over, "I peed my pants. I PEED my pants." It's funny and, luckily, he shuts his trap before it gets too annoying. So, if you're up for something completely mindless, check it out. But I wouldn't really recommend it, unless you're just a mega fan of badly made '70s horror flicks. It's not the WORST movie I've ever seen, but it probably comes close. It might have been better if the characters were given more likeable personalities, or if the pacing was a little faster. But as it is, it just wasn't my cup 'o tea. 

Chuckles the Clown

Oh lazy days, lazy days. When I first started this blog, I was watching horror movies every single day. Now, I hardly ever feel like. So, again, today is going to be lazy. I'm gonna share a picture that I drew, and a poem I wrote inspired by that picture. I've never been able to draw well, but I'm pretty proud of this little guy. It is extremely good, when it comes to me.



Chuckles is an evil clown who comes from outer space.
He came to Earth with one simple goal:
to tear away your face.
So when the blood begins to run
down your tattered skin,
don't be surprised when you find
Chuckles' evil grin.
He'll laugh and dance and sing funny songs
around your crumpled form.
He loves the way you screamed and cried
when your face was torn.
He'll laugh and laugh, and scream and wail
until his white face turns to red.
And he won't stop his mean charade
until you're good and dead.

This is all for fun, of course. It's not meant to be beautifully drawn or wonderfully written. Just something to pass the time. But either way, I hope you enjoy. :)

#76 -- House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Director: Rob Zombie

Rating: 4 / 5

If I didn't already expect it by his music, I would be shocked at how fucked up in the head Rob Zombie is. Of course, that's why we love him, so it's quite alright. I think he is a brilliant man when it comes to music, comedy and horror. And this is one of two movies that showcase that (the other being The Haunted World of El Superbeasto). I couldn't fully comprehend every aspect of this movie, but that didn't stop me from loving it. It is grisly and funny and just downright sick. It depicts scenes of murder, cannibalism, and necrophilia. What else could a girl ask for?

We follow a group of four friends who are on their way home for Halloween. They stop at a little gas station owned by one Captain Spaulding. If you're familiar with the movies, chances are you love Captain Spaulding, and rightfully so. Played by Sid Haig, Spaulding is like Eric Cartman: one of those assholes you can't help but love because he's so damn funny. He is a giant dick (not the good kind), but we can't hate him because we're too busy laughing. Spaulding has all sorts of creepy artifacts in his store, as well as a "murder ride," which depicts scenes of infamous murderers from across the country. It includes Albert Fish, Ed Gein, and Dr. Satan, a local legend. The story says that Dr. Satan worked at an insane asylum, and hoped to create a race of superhumans with his mental patients. He was arrested and hung; but his body went missing and was never seen again. The four friends want to see the tree that Dr. Satan was hung on, so Spaulding gives them directions. But they never make it to the tree.

They pick up a beautiful hitchhiker, Baby (the ever-lovely Sheri Moon Zombie), and all goes downhill. They soon discover that their friendly and hospitable hosts are fucking batshit crazy. But they're so obsessed with Dr. Satan, that the man of the house, Otis, agrees to take them to see him. But at this point, all they want to do is get out alive. They load the kids up in a coffin and lower them down into the ground. It is there that we finally meet Dr. Satan and his "creations." 

I can't deny it. This shit is weird. There are some scenes that seem completely disconnected to the main story, but they still kind of make sense. It is gory and the effects are done well. It is hilarious, because all the hillbillies are obscene and couldn't give two shits what the cityslickers think of them. Oh, and Fishboy of course, is amazing. Every time I see The Office (I say "see," because I don't watch it, because it's stupid as fuck, but I digress...) I have to laugh, because Rainn Wilson will always be Fishboy to me. Also, another point in the movie that I feel compelled to point out...At one point, Grandpa and Otis are watching The Munsters. It is the episode where Herman and Grandpa decide to be drag racers. I think we all know that their drag car inspired one of Rob Zombie's own songs: Dragula. Overall, I think House of 1000 Corpses is a great movie. If you're fucked up in the head you will definitely enjoy it. If you're not...Well, get the fuck out 'cause we don't take too kindly to normal folks around here. 

In My Eyes

I'm going to be lazy today. That seems to be happening a lot lately. But today I will share another one of my little poems with you guys.

In My Eyes

Dedicated to my beautiful and wonderful husband, Jason Voorhees.

It was a cold dark night and I had lost my way
Not a single part of me wanted to get away
The moon was full and the wind, it howled
What a perfect night to be disemboweled

Oh, evil eyes; filled with rage for humankind
Oh, hands so strong; to kill me off won’t take long

He was coming for me, axe in hand
I needn’t be here in his precious land
I should have run, but there was no fear
There was reason for my being here

Oh, kill me fast; make it slow and make it last
Oh, rip out my heart; play with it, shred it, rip it apart

I felt my life slowly slipping away
What a beautiful glorious day
I was just a number making his body count rise
But I’m sure he’d seen love in my helpless little eyes

#75 -- Ginger Snaps: Unleashed (2004)

Director: Brett Sullivan

Rating: 3 / 5

This movie picks up where Ginger Snaps left off. It doesn't make much sense for this movie to also be called Ginger Snaps (except, of course, because it's part of a series). Ginger already snapped, and Ginger is dead (she appears to Brigitte through hallucinations, though). It would make more sense for this one to be called Brigitte Snaps, but I guess that just doesn't sound as cool. If you remember the first movie, you know that Brigitte was infected by Ginger's blood, and she is now fighting her own change. She keeps shooting the Monkshood (the cure she found in the first movie) into her veins, but she learns that it only slows the transformation; it doesn't stop it. And to top all of that off, there is another werewolf hunting Brigitte down. She runs, but he always finds her. What does he want? Well, he wants to mate with her.

Brigitte ends up being admitted into a mental facility/rehab, and without her Munkshood, the other residents are in danger. Luckily, she gets help from a fellow patient, Ghost (who is staying at the hospital with her badly burned grandmother), to escape. They go back to Ghost's home, set traps for the monster hunting Brigitte, and try to keep Brigitte under control. But we soon learn that Ghost has more than a few mental issues, and Brigitte doesn't exactly get the ending that she'd hoped for.

This is a good installment to the Ginger Snaps trilogy, and Ghost adds just enough of a twist without becoming irritating or stupid. In the first movie, in the first stages of Ginger's transformation, Ginger was quite sexy. Brigitte, however, is just nasty. She does not make a pretty werewolf, but I think that's what they were going for. She was definitely scarier than Ginger. While I did enjoy this movie, it just can't compare to the first, in my opinion. But if you're a big fan of the first, you definitely need to check this one out. The first one left us wondering what would happen to Brigitte after she killed Ginger, and this one answers that question for us. 

My First Blog Award!

I was so shocked when I noticed a comment stating that I'd won an award. I never thought I'd get one! I'm a huge fan of the German language, so I think it's fitting that my first award have a German title. :)

Liebster ("Dearest" in German) Blog Award!


I'd like to thank Annie Walls for giving me this award. I am very thankful for it. Annie is a funny woman with lots of good things to say, and you should most definitely head on over to her blog to see for yourself.

As a part of receiving this award, I must choose five blogs I enjoy to bestow it upon. So, here's my five:
1. LoliClown's Little Blog of Horrors
2. Two Gory Chicks
3. Jigsaw's Lair
4. Back On Line Back On Duty
5. Dr. Terror's Blog of Horrors

The Rules for passing on the award:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link to their blog.
2. Pass the award onto 5 blogs that have less than 200 followers.

Thank you again!

Friday the (not-so) 13th, Part 5

Jason has fought a lot of people throughout the years, and several have survived. But we don't really know what happened to them, so let's take a look, shall we?

Camp Crystal Lake Survivors: Then & Now

Alice (Friday the 13th)


Ginny & Paul (Friday the 13th Part 2)

Note: Paul may or may not have been killed. But since we never saw it, and it was never confirmed, I will count him as a survivor.

Chris (Friday the 13th Part 3)


Tommy & Trish Jarvis (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter)


Tommy Jarvis, Reggie & Pam (Friday the 13th: A New Beginning

Yep. THREE survivors.

Tommy Jarvis & Megan (Friday the 13th: Jason Lives)

This is the first time I've seen Thom Matthews (Tommy, as well as Freddy in Return of the Living Dead) outside of the '80s, and sadly I could not find a recent photo of Jennifer Cooke, who played Megan in Jason Lives.

Tina & Nick (Friday the 13th: The New Blood)


Rennie & Sean (Friday the 13th: Jason Takes Manhattan)


Steven & Jessica (Friday the 13th: Jason Goes to Hell)


I'll stop there, because there's really no point in going any further. The remaining films came out in the past decade or so, so the actors/characters really look no different. Just watch the movies and you'll know what they look like now. In ten years or so, maybe I'll come back and do then-and-now posts about the rest of them. But for now, we're stopping in 1994.

My Favorite Horror Characters

I don't really feel like watching any movies tonight, so I'm going to keep it simple with a couple of lists.

Top 5 Horror Monsters

5. Ghosts/Spirits

I'm not a huge fan of ghosts/possessions and the like, probably because I'm not a believer in the supernatural. It just seems too far fetched for me. But there are times, when a movie is done incredibly well, that I do end up liking them. I think 13 Ghosts is my favorite of these kinds (the remake, because I didn't much care for the original).

4. Vampires

There's something special about vampires. They're beautiful and seductive, yet powerful and deadly. There's something magnificent about a creature that you know is dangerous, but you are drawn to them for that reason. I think this makes them, possibly, more dangerous than any other - because, unlike killers or zombies, we don't want to run away from them immediately.

3. Killer Clowns

I was afraid of clowns when I was younger; now I love them. There's something extremely creepy about them. It's a creature that is supposed to be silly and make children happy. But here's one that's smiling while it's ripping your guts out. Eek!

2. Zombies

Mhmmm. I have always loved zombies. There is something incredibly sexy about them, even though they are completely disgusting. Their skin is rotting and falling off, and most of them are missing half their bodies. But somehow I'm attracted to them. Maybe I've got necrophilia-like tendencies in my subconscious. Who knows? All I know is that I will always love me some zombies.

1. Slashers/Serial Killers

Perhaps the only thing sexier than a zombie is a psychotic serial killer. Crazy people have always been sexy to me. The crazier they are, the more I want to rip their clothes off. I know, I have problems, but I'm okay with it. The man in the photo is Albert Fish, one of the most infamous serial murderers in history. If you know anything about this man, you know that he was CRAZY AS FUCK. No, I don't think he's sexy, but that's only because he's old. But there's something so awesome in the simplicity of a serial killer. They're not creatures or ghosts or undead; they're just crazy fucks who can't help but to kill people.

Top 10 Horror Villains/Monsters

10. Michael Myers

I know I bitched about Michael in my review of Halloween, but that doesn't mean I completely despise him. I know my friends will be surprised as hell to see him on this list, but I just can't leave him off. He's an important figure in horror, and since I understand that, I can't help but respect him. Also, I'll get some shit for this, but I like Rob Zombie's version of Michael much better than the original. I know, I know - please refrain from throwing rocks at me. But that's just my opinion. Rob made Michael into a more sympathetic character, and honestly scarier. So that's why Mr. Myers made it onto my list.

9. Leprechaun

I'm not sure this guy has an actual name, but Leprechaun works well enough. I know he's silly. But he's so funny, cute and fucking gruesome that I can't help but love him. Also, I love any and everything involving Ireland and Irish heritage, so this is nice for me. I love this little guy!

8. Tarman

I'm not really sure what makes Tarman so special. He didn't really have a giant part in Return of the Living Dead, being that he was just another flesh-eater. Or, in this case, brain-eater. Perhaps it is the fact that he introduced the whole zombie-screaming-out-for-brains thing. I'm not sure. But what we have here is basically a skeleton covered with oozy gunk yelling, "BRAIIINSSS!" every time he is on screen. I don't know what makes him special, but he is very special indeed.

7. Pennywise the Dancing Clown

I don't usually like adaptations of Stephen King's books, but this one is different. It's probably because I saw the movie well before I ever read the book. But either way...IT is my all-time favorite book, and one of my favorite movies. I do believe they did a pretty good job with it, especially compared to some others I've seen. Pennywise the Dancing Clown - in book OR movie form - is creepy as hell. And funny! The only hard part is figuring out which way Tim Curry is more frightening.

6. Chucky/Charles Lee Ray

Most killer dolls are lame as shit, and all the ones I've seen cannot hold a candle to our dear Chucky. He's so cute, yet he's so fucked up and vicious. And as a redhead myself, I'm glad to see one who quit taking shit and got his revenge. Of course, that wasn't his motive, but still. It's nice to see a vicious, fucked up redhead that no one would fuck with.

5. Ghostface

I love Scream. It's nice to see that, in my generation, a good horror movie can still be made. It is simple and wonderful. And Ghostface is amazing. "What's your favorite scary movie?" I think it's great that he quizzes his victims before killing them, and I can only hope that when he decides to call my house, I'll be informed enough to live.

4. Toxie

Okay, he's not a villain. But he is a monster from a somewhat-horror movie. He is the monster hero, and we need to have a good guy among all these assholes, right? I think so. I love Toxie because he was a goofy, nerdy nobody who was turned into a deformed creature. Or as he says in the movie: "A hideously deformed creature with superhuman size and strength." Or, we can go with the tagline of the novel: "He was 98 pounds of solid nerd until he became The Toxic Avenger." Either way, Toxie is the shit.

3. Victor Crowley

Hatchet is wonderful in this day and age because, like Scream, it goes back to the simplicity of horror movies of old. Well, not that old. It calls itself old-school horror, because it uses the formula from the '80s movies I love so much. And Victor Crowley is such a sympathetic villain that I can't help but love him and want to give him lots of hugs. Plus, he's played by Kane Hodder. I mean, come on! How can I not love him?

2. Freddy Kreuger

Of course, the dream demon Freddy Kreuger could not possibly be left out. NOES is an amazing series, because it literally could have gone ANYWHERE. There's nothing they couldn't do with the movies, the kills or Freddy himself. The thing we love most about Freddy is his sense of humor. He succeeds in cracking us up and scaring the shit out of us at the same time.

1. Jason Voorhees

No one saw that coming, right? Of course, you should be able to tell by now that I FUCKING LOVE JASON VOORHEES. I don't want to go too much into it right now, because I have plenty of time for that every Friday. But I will say this: I am absolutely certain - without a doubt - that I will marry this man one day. And we will have beautiful little mongoloid children and go on family killing sprees.

#74 -- Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

Director: Roger Corman

Rating: 5 / 5

This was the first of the "classics" that I ever saw, and it became my favorite rather quickly. It had to scooch over to second place, though, when I finally saw House on Haunted Hill. But regardless, it is still one of my favorite movies, and it holds a special place in my heart for introducing me to the classics. Little Shop follows Seymour, a goofy, dorky little man working in a flower shop. In order to impress his boss, and a beautiful lady he's had his eye on, he creates a new kind of flower. It is a great success and brings in many new customers. Seymour's boss is very pleased with him, but Seymour soon learns that he has a big problem.

This flower - which he named Audrey 2, after the woman he loves - is far from ordinary. It's pretty much like a venus fly-trap, but it eats more than bugs. Seymour learns that the plant not only can talk - "Feed me!" - but that it has a giant thirst for blood. Seymour then begins finding people out on the street to kill and feed to his precious flower.

Jack Nicholson guest stars as an insanely creepy dental patient, who just loves getting work on his teeth. He is creepy, yes, but he is also hilarious. 

This movie is amazing, and it will always be one of my favorites. Is the acting amazing? No. Are the effects phenomenal? No. But it was made in the '60s, so you can't really expect too much of either of those things. It is wonderful, though, and far better than its successor. The movie was remade in the '80s, with Rick Moranis starring as Seymour. It was a musical and, to put it simply, it fucking SUCKS. Don't watch that one. Stick to the original, because it is far more enjoyable.

#73 -- Halloween (1978)

Director: John Carpenter

Rating: 3 / 5

Please excuse me for a few moments, while I become incredibly cliche, and review Halloween on Halloween. I would also like to warn you: I have never been a fan of these movies, so pardon me if I get a little bit bitchy with it. While I'm not a fan of the movie, I do respect it, John Carpenter and even Michael Myers for what they've done for the industry of horror movies. 

Now that all that's out of the way, let's continue. In 1963, After a young boy murders his sister, he is sent away to a mental facility for fifteen years. Now, in 1978, he returns to his hometown to continue his killing. The movie centers on a young babysitter, Laurie, who Michael seems to be drawn to. It's been a good while since these movies came out, and I think it's safe to say that every horror fan out there knows the story. But we'll just pretend, for the moment, that we don't know. So, why is Michael so drawn to Laurie? Why does he so desperately want to kill her? Well, it doesn't explain very much here: only that he killed his sister when he was a child, is very dangerous, and out of his fucking mind. 

Dr. Loomis, who looked over Michael in the facility, tracks him down to Haddonfield. He's the jumpiest doctor I've ever seen. His part is comical to say the least, in that he jumps at every little sound or movement. He reminds me of my chihuahua. Laurie is busy looking after two children, and she ignores their warnings that the boogeyman is coming. It is a mistake, of course, because she learns that the boogeyman is real - just a little bit too late. I only say boogeyman because that is what they call him in the movie. He's the most un-scary boogeyman I've ever seen in my life. Laurie is your typical stupid teenager, except I think she's stupider than most. Her best effort at hiding is to leave the bedroom door open, hide in a closet and tie the doors together. 

Michael was ruined for me when they had him cover himself in a bed-sheet, put some horrid glasses on his face and then strangle a girl with a phone chord. It is beyond stupid, and Michael is - in my opinion - the worst slasher EVER. His kills are slow, boring, and the action is seriously lacking. I understand that it was made in the seventies on a limited budget, and I will admit that it's pretty good considering. While the movie isn't too bad, I just do not like the character of Michael Myers. He is boring - simple as that. Again, I'm not a fan of the movie, but I respect it. I understand that I will probably get some shit for this, considering Halloween's huge iconic status - but I really don't care. I considered going easy on Michael, but then I realized that this is my blog and I can do whatever the hell I want. So poo on Michael Myers. Poo on him! I give this movie three stars simply because of the impact it had on horror movies in general, and because my dear Jason might not exist if not for this dummy. 

#72 -- 2001 Maniacs (2005)

Director: Tim Sullivan

Rating: 3 / 5

"You ARE what they eat." I think that somewhat adequately depicts the humor in this movie. When a group of college kids sets off to Florida for spring break, a detour lands them in a little tiny town in Georgia - a town full of insane cannibal hillbillies (there's actually a character called Hucklebilly). Seeing movies like this, I can understand why a lot of northerners might think horrible things about us down in the south. These hillbillies have some sort of festival coming up called the Guts and Glory Jubilee. The group slowly starts diminishing, as they are killed and eaten by the town. 

Robert Englund stars as the mayor of this town, called Pleasant Valley. His son is - no surprise here - a sheep fucking lunatic. He doesn't really have a big part in the movie, other than running around chasing sheep with his pants around his ankles. But he is easily one of the funniest characters in the whole movie. The humor is an acquired taste. It is very racist, homophobic, and whatever else you can think of. So if you don't have a really open sense of humor, you should probably steer clear of this movie. But otherwise, I think most everyone should enjoy this. It's cheesy, funny, and pretty damn gory. One man even has a gigantic spear shoved into his ass. Oh, and Kane Hodder also had a cameo, as one of the said insane cannibal rednecks. So that was exciting. Check this one out, but listen to me when I say: I promise you we're not all like that down here. 

Meeting Kane Hodder!

When I found out there was a book all about my favorite bad guy, Kane Hodder, I was ecstatic. My first thought was, "Oh my, I HAVE to get this book." But then I realized that he was going on a book tour, and that - OH MY GOODNESS - he would be in Georgia. So I waited, and waited, and waited for a year. It was actually less than a month, but it damn sure felt like a year. So, when the day finally came - October 24th - I got off work early, and drove two hours to Dallas, Georgia. I got there four hours early and waited in the parking lot to make sure I was first in line. This event took place at a haunted house, so there were zombies and monsters walking all around the parking lot scaring the daylights out of people.



I liked that guy because he made me think of Santa Claus after Mrs. Claus kicks him out and he loses his job. I was first in line at the merchandise table. I bought my book and waited for Kane to show up. When he finally got there, I ran over and snapped some pictures of him when he was addressing the crowd.



After that, I ended up being third in line to get his autograph. But that's okay, because I needed time to compose myself. I was sure I would piss myself the moment he shook my hand. Fortunately, I didn't soil myself. Unfortunately, I could barely say two words to the man. I laughed almost the entire time he was talking to me. I'm a dumb girl, but it's okay. I don't know if he'll ever know just how happy he made me. He signed my book and told me that it would make me cry. He told me to remember that he had told me personally that his book would bring tears to my eyes.



There was an AMAZING cake there, made by a woman who will be competing on a baking show soon. I wanted this cake, but they wouldn't let us eat it. They did have complimentary cupcakes, though.



That tree dripped blood! Anyways, after all of this excitement, I was finally in line to have my picture taken with Kane. I was far from first (because I had to wait for all the people just getting autographs to get finished), and the wait just about killed me. When I finally got to the front of the line, that feeling of Oh my god, I'm gonna piss myself came back. But again, I was able to compose myself and keep my bladder under control. Thank Bob for that. I walked into the tent, my boyfriend and I positioned ourselves on either side of Kane, and he wrapped his arm around me. KANE FUCKING HODDER HAD HIS ARM AROUND ME.


_{The camera-man told me he edited the photo to make me look taller. So, yeah, I'm THAT short.}

On the way home my boyfriend said, "You had your arm around Jason." All I could do was giggle like a madwoman. I still cannot believe that I actually met Kane Hodder.

Overall? Best day of my life.

#71 -- Skeleton Crew (2009)

Directors: Tommi Lepola & Tero Molin

Rating: 3 / 5

When going into a movie like this, I expect to be grossed out or freaked out or SOMETHING. There were parts that were a little gross, but it wasn't enough to amaze me. It's all about a film crew that is filming a movie based on a true story. It takes place in a mental hospital where the doctor murdered his patients and made snuff films out of it. 

But while exploring the hospital, the director of the film discovers some of those snuff films, and he becomes obsessed with them. He starts watching them constantly, instead of working on his own movie. Eventually, he goes a little bit whacko and decides that the movie just doesn't look real enough, and he starts making some snuff films of his own. It appears that there are ghosts in the hospital, and someone else is making a film of their own - starring all the crew, including the director.

This movie was okay. I liked the story of it, because the idea of them watching real murders on film is just repulsive enough to be interesting. However, the ending left a little to be desired. It was a little vague, and it failed to answer some questions I had. It didn't do much with the supposed ghosts, which I think could have made the movie better. The gore was okay as well; it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't amazing either. And the acting? Horrible, for the most part. But that's nothing I can't live with. I actually tend to enjoy bad acting. Overall, it was an okay movie. Good for a one-time viewing, but not good for much else.