#304 -- Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Director: Rob Hedden
Rating: 5 / 5

Contains spoilers

Okay, so a lot of people have issues with this movie. It looks like most feel one of two things about it. They think either A) putting him in Manhattan was stupid, or B) that was cool, but he wasn't there long enough. Both are true, but I don't really care about all that. I do have some issues with the movie; to me, it feels like one big plot hole. But I don't care about that either. Parts 7, 8, and 9 of the series are the ones that were released around the time I was a kid -- this one was actually released five months before I was born -- so they're really the ones I remember watching back then. They all have a special place in my heart, no matter how silly or gimmicky they are. This one has always been one of my favorite, and it will stay that way, despite the tiny little issues I have with it. Sure, the movie is nothing but a giant plot hole. Sure, they figured people were getting tired of the summer camp setting (which I absolutely never will) so they stuck him some place else, which felt weird. There are only two movies in the series that I will rate anything below five points, and even then I'm only willing to go as low as 4.9. So, there are only two reasons that I will really have an issue: if they A) mess with the story (part five, where Jason wasn't even present), or B) they mess with Jason's appearance (Jason X, when they turned him into a fucking ROBOT). So, in conclusion, despite its faults, I love Jason Takes Manhattan.

Here's the run-down. It wasn't just a random occurrence that took him to New York. A bunch of high school kids were going on some sort of graduation party/field trip to New York, and they were taking a cruise ship. They happened to go through Crystal Lake, where Jason was awoken via some electricity or something. He climbed aboard the ship, because even though they weren't technically in his camp, they were still invading his home, and he didn't like that. So he started killing all the kids on the ship, and of course, it eventually took them to New York. I don't care that the majority of the movie took place on a boat, because, to me, that just makes the events that much more terrifying for the victims. When they're at the lake, at least there's an endless amount of open space that the kids can run into. Even if their cars don't work (which they never do, of course), they're still not completely stuck. Here, though, there was absolutely nowhere they could go. They were trapped in a confined space with Jason, knowing that the only they could do was either hide or fight. Or throw him overboard, but good luck with that. Once they got to New York, they felt like they'd reached a safe haven. They thought, "Okay, we're here, there are other people around, and there are plenty of places to hide." They learned quickly that there was still no way to get away from him, of course. But that was a giant let-down and, and I feel like it showcases the exhaustion that they must have felt. They went through so much already while they were on the boat; they arrived at their destination, believing that they were safe, only to realize that nowhere was safe from Jason Voorhees. I think that these victims had a rougher time than the rest because of this.

Okay, first I'll explain the issues that I do have with the movie, then I'll round things off with reasons why it's still fucking awesome. I mentioned that it feels like one giant plot hole, and it really does. The back-story for this one really doesn't make any sense at all. The main character, Rennie, has something in common with Jason: she can't swim, and she's terrified of the water. To be fair, Jason's not scared of anything (I hate when people say he's scared of water, because he's in it all the fucking time; there's no way he's scared of  anything.), though he was when he was a child. Apparently, when Rennie was a kid, her uncle tried to teach her to swim by throwing her out of their canoe. While under the water, she saw a young, deformed Jason -- which is why she grew so completely terrified of being in the water. Okay, one of two things were happening with this bit. They were either trying to imply that Jason was a ghost, or they didn't realize that he's like, 40 years older than her and there's no way she could have met him as a child. Throughout the movie, she sees glimpses of the young Jason drowning and crying out for help. She sees him in mirrors and in the windows of the boat. Again, is Jason supposed to be a ghost, or are they somehow mentally linked to one another? It didn't really expand on or explain any of that, so I really didn't get it.

Secondly, the way Jason looked. They didn't fuck with his appearance in the same way that Jason X did. For the most part, he looked just like he was supposed to. When he was unmasked, though...I don't know what the fuck that was. His face was flat, he had no teeth, and his skin sort of looked blue. Hillbilly smuf, anyone? When Jason's mask is removed, we're supposed to be terrified by how vile and gruesome his face is. This, though, was just funny -- and that shit ain't right. He was unmasked down in the sewers of New York. The two heroes threw some toxic waste on his face, it melted a little bit, and then he...turned back into a child. What? Yeah, little Jason returned, in the fetal position crying like a baby. Who knew that toxic waste was a time machine? It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, and it  is actually the biggest issue I have with the movie. Maybe it was imagination or drug-induced hallucination (because Rennie had been drugged and almost raped by some thugs). Maybe they were trying to turn Jason into something different; something less than human that we hadn't seen before, but they weren't really sure how to do it. I think that was actually done better in Jason Goes to Hell. Sure, it was stupid as fuck, but at least it made a little bit of sense.

Despite the fact that Jason Takes Manhattan doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I still love it. It has some of my favorite scenes from the entire series, ones that I always use as examples when explaining why I love these movies so much. First, there's a hot rocker chick who is killed by her own guitar. There's the boxer who thought he could actually beat Jason's ass. Jason ended up letting the guy punch him until he was exhausted, then punched his head clean off. It landed it a dumpster. Later, when his friends were trying to find him, they found his head stuck on the gearshift of a police car. Oh, Jason. You're so funny. There was a guy who had a hot sauna rock shoved into his stomach, which looked extremely painful...and awesome! There was the hockey billboard that really confused Jason when he first arrived in New York. And  the best one, and probably my favorite scene in any of the movies. There were some thugs in New York, outside listening to some music. Jason was angry as he walked past them, so he kicked over their boom-box. They thought they were bad-ass, thought they'd pull a knife on him and start cussing him. He turned around, lifted up his mask, and the thugs stumbled through something like, "Sorry, m-man. It's cool, dude." No, he didn't kill them; which brings me to another thing I like about the movie. It shows that Jason isn't the mindless killer everyone thinks he is. Sure, he was a mongoloid. Sure, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. But he's not as stupid as people assume. Once they got to New York, he didn't bother anyone. He didn't kill any of the NY citizens unless they got in his way. He wasn't after them. He had no problems with them, because they hadn't invaded his home. I think he only killed one person in New York, actually, which...makes me smile really big. You remember when Kane Hodder was denied the part in Freddy Vs. Jason, in favor of Ken Kirzinger? Well, I really despise Ken, because he really sucked balls. The NY citizen that Jason killed here? He was played by Ken. Ha! I love watching it now and seeing Kane throw Ken around like a rag doll. Little bitch ass.

So, yeah; the movie has its issues, but it also has its charm. I don't care that it doesn't make sense. Sure, I like the stories they throw in, but that's not why I'm here. It's cool if they've got a good story, but mainly it's about Jason. I don't watch these movies to be engaged with the characters' stories. I don't watch them for the characters, because I could give two shits about any of them, despite how likable they are. I'm here to watch Jason fuck shit up. Ghost, mongoloid, whatever they were trying to turn him into...he still does that quite brilliantly.

#282 -- Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

Director: Trey Parker
Rating: 5 / 5

I honestly cannot believe that I have not yet reviewed this movie, since it's actually one of my favorites. Some might argue that this can't possibly be considered a horror movie, but I really don't care. I, personally, classify it as horror-comedy, as it contains elements of both genres. And it was released by Troma, which is known for its horror-comedy. Sure, it might lean more toward the comedy side of things, but it still has that tiny little element of horror.

Cannibal! The Musical is actually based on a true story. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: yeah right! I thought the same thing the first time I watched it and I saw that in the opening credits. I thought there was no way something so silly was based on truth. But do some research, and you'll find that it's true. It's the story of Alferd Packer, a man who was convicted of cannibalism in Colorado back in the 1800s. So, yes, it is based on fact; though I highly doubt the real Packer and his men ran around singing and dancing. That's just what makes the movie so much fun!

In this version of the story, Alferd Packer was a miner. He and all the other miners were having trouble finding anything, and they had heard about a place where the gold was plentiful. So they set out to Breckenridge to mine for gold and become rich...or die trying. The group of men enlisted Packer as their guide, since he said that he had been there before. But, unfortunately, he didn't know quite as much as he led on, and the group got lost. They remained lost for a long time, forced to live out in the snow with no way out and nothing to eat. When one of the party was killed (shot in the head for singing a song about a snowman one too many times), they figured they could eat him to last at least a little bit longer. But before the end, one of the party went crazy and decided to try to eat everyone else. Since Packer was the only survivor of the group, he was prosecuted for the murders, and he was almost hanged. If not for a pretty young reporter who had a soft spot for Packer, he might have been dead meat.

Trey and Matt; or Alferd and Humphrey

So that's the basic run-down of the movie, but there's so much more to it than that. The group--which consists of Alfred Packer (Trey Parker), James Humphrey (Matt Stone), George Noon (Dian Bachar), Shannon Bell (Ian Hardin), Isreal Swan (Jon Hegel), and Frank Miller (Jason McHugh)--meets some very interesting characters on their way to Breckenridge. They met a cyclops, which was a big 'ol man with a missing eye that squirted some icky juice at them. They met a group of trappers who were real assholes. They met a tribe of Japanese Indians (complete with Teepees), and a weird prophet sort of guy like Crazy Ralph in Friday the 13th ("You're all doomed!") The miners themselves were a colorful bunch. Alferd was kind of weird, and you could tell he wasn't the brightest crayon in the box. Humphrey was even duller than Alferd, but he was hilarious. Whenever someone made him mad, his best comeback was, "Nice hat!" Swan was the annoyingly optimistic one of the bunch, which I guess is why he got his brains splattered all over the snow. Miller was the pessimist of the group and liked to sulk the entire time, and Bell was a preacher who seemed fairly normal most of the time.

The songs in Cannibal! The Musical are witty and catchy as hell. "Let's Build a Snowman" is the song that Swan sings, which encourages the others to look past the awful situation they're in and try to have some fun. "When I Was on Top of You" is a sad song about Packer's lost horse Liane. The song sounds awfully perverted, though you know it's about a horse...which just makes it even funnier. The Trappers' song is awful from a vegetarian's point of view, but even I have to admit that it's funny. "Shpadoinkle" is a song about how wonderful, beautiful, and "shpadoinkle" the day is...before they get lost and almost starve to death, that is.

The first time I saw it, I was kind of skeptical. I wasn't really sure what it was all about, or just how stupid it would be. Believe me, it's pretty silly, but it's so amazing you won't even believe it. And it's not even wonderful in that "so bad it's good" sort of way. Yeah, it's silly, but it's meant to be. These guys knew exactly what they were doing, and they know a thing or two about being funny. At the end of the day, you might think it's stupid. But really it's just a genuinely funny movie that succeeds on all levels. When I first saw it, I loved it. It instantly became one of my favorite movies, but there are some other reasons why I absolutely love this movie--not because of what kind of movie it is, or how good it is, but for what it did for me and the other things it introduced me to.

Alferd chowing down on Bell's throat in a scene that represents what everyone thought happened on those mountains.

1 - This is the first Troma movie I ever saw. I don't even remember how I came across it, but up until that point, I'd never even heard of Troma before. Once I saw this, I decided to check out what else the company had to offer, and it also introduced me to quite a few of my other favorite movies. I wouldn't know a thing about Toxie if not for Cannibal! And for that, I give it my sincerest thanks.

2 - It introduced me to South Park. If you're good with names, you'll realize that Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the biggest players in Cannibal!) are also the wonderfully weird and creative minds behind one of the greatest comedy shows ever made. I knew about South Park before I saw this movie, but I'd never watched it. Once I saw Cannibal! and realized who these guys were, I figured it deserved a chance. It became one of my favorite TV shows. You can even see glimpses of South Park throughout the movie, like Matt Stone doing Kyle's voice sometimes, and Trey sounding an awful lot like Cartman. There's even a scene where Humphrey takes his hat off, and there's this giant red afro underneath. It looks a lot like Kyle's picture day episode, where he too reveals his giant red jew-fro.

3 - It introduced me to the comedic genius of Trey and Matt. Again, I knew nothing of these guys up until this point. They made this movie while they were in college, so this was pretty much the beginning for them, and it only got better from there. Aside from South Park and the several Troma movies I grew to love after this, it also introduced me to some others, like BASEketball and Orgazmo, two of the greatest comedy movies ever, in my opinion.

4 - It's fucking awesome. That's the bottom line, and that's all you need to know. If you're a fan of seriously weird shit, you'll love it. It's kind of got the same basic feel of Poultrygeist (also from Troma, and also one of my favorite movies). It puts some comedy in something that's usually not funny at all, adds some fun songs and dance numbers, and creates one hell of a funny movie. Chickens, zombies, and musicals. That's what drew me to Poultrygeist. Cannibals and musicals...that's what drew me here. I was intrigued, though hesitant, and I'm so freaking glad that I gave it a chance. You should too. Even if you don't think it's extremely hilarious and awesome, you'll get something out of it. If you're a fan of Troma, you know where I'm coming from. Lloyd Kaufman, Trey Parker, and Matt Stone. That is a comedy team that could beat out all the rest.

#244 -- Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Brian Yuzna

Back in 1985, a revolutionary film in the zombie subgenre was created. That film was Return of the Living Dead. In it, we saw zombies as we'd never seen them before, and we absolutely loved it. It was an absolutely fantastic movie that spawned four sequels and gained a healthy cult following. Three years later, the first sequel was released, and it was several degrees lower than the first in terms of greatness. It just didn't live up to its predecessor's name. But in 1993, director Brian Yuzna stepped it back up, and brought us this delightfully horrifying entry to the series.

It is the story of Curt and Julie, a lovely young punk rock couple that follows no one's rules but their own. Curt's father is employed by a government facility working on creating some new military weapons. I probably don't have to tell you what those weapons are. But just in case you don't know...With the help of some handy Trioxin, they're creating superhuman weapons out of corpses. We've heard this idea many times over, but this time we actually get to see it in detail. In the beginning, they zombies are actually fairly well contained, as Curt and Julie witness them when they break into the lab. But everything goes sour eventually, as is always the case. When Curt's father tells him they will have to move, for his job, Curt and Julie will have none of it. They decide to run away together, so they won't have to be separated. They're planning on moving to Seattle, so Curt can join a band (though obviously he doesn't know the first thing about being a musician), and Julie can settle into a life of nothing but partying. On the way, though, Curt's motorcycle crashes, leaving Julie dead, dead, dead. Fortunately, Curt remembers what he saw in Daddy's lab, and takes Julie back over there to expose her to some Trioxin. All seems well and good for a minute; Julie's back, they're happy, they 're running away together. But zombies will be zombies, and Julie is no exception. Once the craving for brains sets in, she starts freaking out. She doesn't understand what's happening, or why Curt would do such a thing. Since she and Curt have such a strong bond, she will not attack him. He is safe, for the time being. Everyone else, though, had better move the fuck out of her way. So now Curt and Julie have to run away for real; they're trying to evade his father, the police, and a group of Mexican thugs they got into a tussle with at a gas station. They wander through the mean streets and sewers of...well, wherever it is they are, meet a homeless sewer dweller they call River Man, and Julie seriously fucks some shit up.

Part three of the series differed from the first in terms of zombie motivation. You could call it failed continuity, and you might be right, but you can't really be mad about it. In the first, the motivation for eating brains was to assuage the pain of being dead. If you dig down deep, you can actually see where this movie just expanded on that idea and gave it new meaning. In the original, the only thing that can stop the pain is the hunger. In this one, the only thing to stop hunger is pain. Julie realizes that, when she's hurt, she's not hungry. So, to keep from eating everyone in sight, she causes herself some serious pain. She impales herself with rusty springs, needles, shards of glass, chains threaded through her neck meat, and all sorts of other goodies. She becomes 100% bad-ass, and she's definitely one of my favorite horror characters EVER. Not only that, but she's one of my favorite zombies too. Actually, I think all of my favorite zombies come from ROTLD movies...Not only is she one bad-ass lady, but (maybe I'm a freak...) she's sexy as hell. She was beautiful in the first place, but once she got all tricked out with her piercings and mutilations...she was one hot tamale.

I've also got to mention the ending of the movie. I'm not going to give it away, in case some of you out there haven't seen it. But it's kind of a "Bride of Frankenstein" ordeal. It's very sad, and it still brings tears to my eyes every time I watch it. But it works.

I've got to give a shout out to the effects team for the movie. There were actually quite a bit of people working on it, so it's no surprise that the effects were pretty great. No, they weren't perfect. But they were the wonderful corny effects that I, personally, have come to love. I thought they were magnificent. The zombies look wicked as hell. There was one that was basically just a head and a spinal chord, some with their bodies melted together (or some weird shit I can't explain), some that were missing pretty much every body part you can think of, and others that were normal but still bad-ass. Brian Yuzna (director), John Penney (writer), and the very extensive effects team--I thank you for bringing us one of the greatest zombie movies of all time.

So, Return of the Living Dead revolutionized the zombie characters. But part three expanded on those ideas and created a zombie unlike any other, even within the series. It is one of the great zombie masterpieces of our generation, and it will remain in my hall of fame until the end of time. Or until the zombies destroy the world.

#242 -- Army of Darkness (1992)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Sam Raimi

Evil Dead is one of the greatest horror trilogies of all time, if you ask me. I absolutely love it. The first one was more of a genuine horror movie, and was terrific. I don't really understand the point of the second one, and I've never been a huge fan of it. But in Army of Darkness, they get back to the good stuff. I'm not really sure, because I just feel like everyone and their brother should love this movie, but it seems like it might be one of those "love it or hate it" type of things. All the fans love it, but I feel like it would be impossible to explain its sheer awesomeness to someone who isn't a fan. I shun all you naysayers, though, because Army of Darkness is the shit.

At the end of the second one, we saw Ash go through a portal of some kind. Well, it turns out that was a time-travelling portal--the best kind! He was transported to the medieval times, where he was totally out of place and 100% badass. When he first arrived, they thought he was affiliated with someone they didn't like, so they planned to kill him. They threw him into a big hole, where deadites waited to destroy him. They didn't realize they were dealing with Ash, deadite slayer, though. He destroyed the deadites in the hole, climbed out, and showed everyone who was boss. He presented his Boomstick, leaving everyone cowering in fear, and they gave him the respect that he deserved.

"This is my Boomstick!"

Ash could have stayed, enjoyed the change of pace and scenery, but all he wanted to do was get back to his own time. However, the wise man told him that the only way that would be possible was with the Necronomicon. And, of course, Ash was the only one who could retrieve it. So, it was quest time! He had to find the book in an old cemetery, and some funky shit happened to him on the way. We got to see an army of tiny little versions of Ash who liked to torment him. We saw Ash get a magical evil siamese twin, only to separate from him and fight to the death. When he got to the cemetery, there were three books, but only one was the right one.

We got to see him sucked into one of them, only to emerge with a severely elongated face--which was absolutely funny as shit. Oh, the wise man gave Ash an incantation that he would have to speak once he got the book, otherwise deadites would rise to take it back. Ash, of course, fucked it up, and the Army of Darkness rose to take over the castle. And who should be the leader of the deadites but Evil Ash? Of course.

He got a nice robotic hand to replace his chainsaw, turned his car into some weird killing machine, created some explosives; and of course, he still had his trusty Boomstick. So, together with his new found friends, and some enemies made friends, they prepared to ward off the dead army and protect their castle.

This movie seriously has so much awesome packed into it, I don't even know where to begin. First, there's Bruce Campbell. He, of course, is fantastic. There would be no Ash if not for him. I honestly cannot imagine anyone else in the world playing the character, and I hope it never happens--because it wouldn't work. His one-liners and odd sense of humor are what makes the character and the movie work so well. The fact that he was so out of place in the medieval times also made it funnier. The effects in this one were great, though some of them were reminiscent of old movies (you know, bats on strings and stuff, though here it was skeletons). Some of the humor obviously was inspired by the Three Stooges, and the action scenes bordered on slapstick comedy. The deadites looked wonderful. Everything was wonderful, even though it was silly. Actually, I think it's wonderful because it's silly. There's nothing scary about this movie, don't be mistaken. The first one was a horror movie, and I loved that one so very much. This one is a horror-comedy that leans more on the comedy side of things. But it's so wonderful that I don't even care that it doesn't scare me. It makes me laugh my ass off, and I love that.

So, to anyone who hasn't seen this movie: Where the hell have you been? And to anyone who has seen it but doesn't like it: What the hell is wrong with you? All kidding aside, to me, this is one of the greatest movies ever made. End of story.

#236 -- Frankenstein (1931)

Frankenstein (1931) film poster (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: James Whale

This is often considered the single greatest horror movie ever made. While it's not my number one favorite movie, I would probably have to agree. It was one of the first horror monsters in creation, one of the "big three," as I like to call them (along with Dracula and The Wolf Man). It has inspired so much, has been copied and remade, but it has, and never will be, duplicated.

I read the book when I was in high school, and even though I don't remember every little detail, I do remember how completely different it was. In the book, the Monster was actually a very intelligent creature. After he was cast out by his creator, he wandered the wilderness. He eventually taught himself to speak and read, and he had an actual thought process--not like this Monster we've come to know and love. He was also kind of an asshole. His goal was to find Victor, his creator, and have revenge on him and his family for creating and shunning him. He also wanted a bride, so that he wouldn't feel so alone; when Victor didn't comply (or rather, promised him a mate and didn't make good on that promise), he was even angrier. I really can't blame him for being the way he was. I would have been angry too. He didn't ask to be made; and he certainly didn't ask to be feared and hated.

In the movie, though, it seems they softened the Monster up a bit. To me, he was a very sympathetic and tragic character. The doctor was actually named Henry in the movie (they switched the names of Dr. Frankenstein and his best friend), and he was obsessed with creating the Monster. He didn't care how many times people called him crazy, because he wanted to discover something great. He and his assistant, Fritz, stole bodies from the cemetery and parts from the medical lab in order to work on his experiment. Fritz, whose job it was to find the brain for the creature, messed up. He got an abnormal brain rather than a normal brain, which would be the cause of the creature's "viciousness." He stayed alone in an abandoned tower, leaving his family, friends and fiance home to worry about him. His best friend Victor, a doctor friend, and fiance Elizabeth visited him one day, claiming once again that he was crazy. But the storm that would bring his creation to life was brewing, and he was determined to show everyone that he was perfectly sane.


When he finally brought the creature to life, he started to regret it. He seemed fine at first, until Fritz brought a torch into the room, causing the Monster to lash out at everyone. This wasn't because he was vicious, of course; it was simply because he was afraid. But that scared everyone. They locked him up and planned to destroy him. Henry and Elizabeth returned home, leaving Henry's doctor friend to destroy the Monster. That didn't go very well for the doctor, and the Monster escaped.

The first person he met after his escape was a little girl named Maria. He befriended her for a brief period, which is what showed me that he was a severely misunderstood character. They were playing with flowers by a lake, and Maria was showing him how they floated. When he ran out of flowers, he decided to throw Maria in the lake. He had no intentions of harming her in any way; he was only trying to play with her. After that, he ran away in search of his creator. He crashed Henry and Elizabeth's wedding, while an angry mob was forming in the town. The mob chased the Monster to a big windmill in the mountains, where the set fire to the building, and supposedly destroyed the Monster for good.

What I love about the movie is the fact that the Monster is a sympathetic and misunderstood character. Like a snake, he only became vicious when he was threatened. He never meant to hurt anyone; but they frightened him and he saw no other option. I do believe he felt some negativity towards the Frankenstein family for creating and deserting him, but the way this character was portrayed, I really don't think he had the brain power to come up with such things. In the book, yes; but in the movie, he was meant to be a brain-dead monster and nothing more. I really think he only wanted to be reunited with his "father," and not to be left alone any longer.

A couple of things I really enjoyed about the movie--Frederick Kerr as Henry Frankenstein's father. He was silly, and he made me laugh every time he was on screen. He was the typical silly old man, and I really enjoyed him. And, of course, Boris Karloff. This was my first introduction to him, and I've loved him ever since. What's interesting, though, is that he wasn't even credited as playing The Monster. In the credits, there was only a question mark where his name should have been. I guess that added to the mystery and terror of the character, which I thought was really cool.

Either way you choose to look at it, love it or hate it, you cannot deny that Frankenstein is a piece of cinematic history that will never lose its place in the hearts of horror fans.

#226 -- A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Chuck Russell

I looked into a few reviews and comments about this movie, and it seems that some people think it is stupid. A new idea was introduced in this one, as well as a new trait in Freddy's personality. It's also the movie in which Freddy's nemesis was finally destroyed. Some people don't like that. It would be different if it had been done way later in the series; but at this point, the franchise was still young, so I think it was okay for them to switch things up a bit and make it more interesting. Personally, I think if they hadn't, Freddy wouldn't have become as much of an icon as he is. But that's just me.

Anyways, this one steers away from the direction the second movie took; meaning it's actually really good. I didn't understand the second one, really. In the first, Freddy was taking revenge on those who killed him by murdering their children. I guess he figured, kill their kids so they live the rest of their lives knowing it was their fault. That's more than enough to make someone's life miserable. But in the second, Freddy wanted to possess the main character, for whatever reason. But in this one, he returns to wanting all the kids dead. The story centers on Kristen, one of the many Elm Street children. She is sent to Westin Hills psychiatric hospital after what her mother believed was a suicide attempt (but which was actually an attack by Freddy, of course). She's joined by a group of other teenagers having the same problems: the dreams about the horribly burned man in the Christmas sweater. Heather Langenkamp returns as Nancy; she's all grown up, and she works at Westin Hills. She's been taking a drug called Hypnocil, which suppresses her dreams and keeps the boogeyman away. She wants to give it to the kids, but certain problems prevent that from happening.

Nancy soon discovers that Kristen has the ability to pull other people into her dreams, meaning that they can form a sort of army against Freddy. They also discover that they can do whatever they want in their dreams. Why no one figured this out before now, I have no clue. Kristen is a gymnast in her dreams; Taryn is a badass chick; Will, wheelchair-bound after a suicide attempt, can walk in his dreams. And he's also the Wizard Master. Kincaid, the tough guy, is super strong when he dreams; Joey, the cute mute guy, has a very powerful voice in dreamland. And Nancy is just Nancy, I guess. So, once they realize that they can have all these powers in their dreams, they decide to go in after Freddy, in hopes that, together, they can take him.

What I love about this one is just that: the dream powers. If Freddy can do all these crazy things, why shouldn't the kids be able to have powers? And they are dreams, after all; anything is possible. This one also has one of my favorite death scenes ever. A guy named Phillip has the tendons in  his arms ripped out, and they're used as marionette strings, with Freddy as the puppeteer. He ends up making Phillip jump out of a window. It just looks so amazing. So, I love that they introduced the dream powers in this one, and I'm not actually sure if they ever used it again. I know everyone always brought Freddy into the real world, but I can't quite remember if they ever had special powers in their dreams. But, anyways, I loved that. This is also the movie where Freddy's sense of humor really started. He got silly. Some people might not like that, but honestly...Freddy wouldn't be the same otherwise. Just think about if you were in the kids' shoes. There's this scary dude trying to kill them. They're going to be mad at him to begin with, right? Well, on top of that, he's making fun of them too. They've got to be pissed. But we, as audience members, just find it hilarious. That's what makes everyone love Freddy. He's scary, but he's also funny. You don't know whether to laugh or run away and hide.

So I loved how they switched it up in this movie, but I have a few questions. We know why Freddy exists. He was killed by the parents of Elm Street, and his revenge was to kill all of their children. In this one, Nancy says that the kids in Westin Hills are the last of the Elm Street children. Since Nancy was killed in this one, and remaining kids were killed in the next movie, why did Freddy continue killing? This question wasn't answered until, I believe, Wes Craven's New Nightmare. Freddy said that, when he died, he was offered a "job" by some demons. So, it was his job to kill children then. I guess he just decided that, if he had to kill some, he might as well get some revenge while he was at it. And once he was finished with his revenge, he still had a job to do, so he just kept on going. That was until no one was scared of him anymore, and he had to bring in my husband to put some fear back into the hearts of the kids on Elm Street.

Another thing I liked about this movie was that it went a little deeper into Freddy's past. We learned how he was born, and how he got the nicknamed "bastard son of a hundred maniacs." We got to meet Freddy's mother, and it kind of gave us a clue of why he was so messed up in his life. We got to understand him better.

This has always been my favorite of the Nightmare movies, and I know it always will be. Dream powers, a nun being raped by 100 crazy men, and Dokken. Can't forget them. I actually knew nothing about them until I saw the movie, but the theme song to Dream Warriors is fantastic. You should definitely have a listen.

I don't have a problem with the new direction they took with Freddy. I'm glad they decided to make him a comical character. It's just another reason why A Nightmare on Elm Street is different from any other horror movie ever made.

#209 -- Friday the 13th Part 6: Jason Lives (1986)

Rating: 5 / 5
Director: Tom McLoughlin

You know how a series, once it gets to a certain point, starts getting silly? This is where Friday the 13th started showing us its humorous side. It wasn't all that bad, and there were definitely sillier ones to follow, but this is where it started. That doesn't mean I don't love the movie still, because it's actually one of my favorites, but there are certain parts in it that will make you laugh out loud.

Tommy Jarvis out of the halfway house he was sent to in the fifth movie.  I guess having been through what he'd been through--someone masquerading around as the man that Tommy feared most--he needed some clarity in his life. He wanted to make damn sure that Jason Voorhees was dead. Even though some guy in part five said that Jason was cremated, in part six, Tommy visited Jason's grave. The body was inside, which was exactly what Tommy wanted to see. But that wasn't enough for him. By then he knew Jason, so he wanted to be extra sure that Jason was dead. So he dug up the grave and opened up Jason's casket. He was, indeed, dead. But Tommy's relief was short-lived, because a lightning strike straight into Jason's coffin brought him right back from the dead.

As per usual, Jason returned to Crystal Lake to slaughter some teenagers. This one had one of my favorite kills in it, as well. It's not one of my favorites because it's vicious and gruesome, or anything like that. It's one of my favorites because it's funny. It is the reason I say that this movie was the turning point of the silliness for the series. It's really the only silly part, but it was the only silly thing from any of the movies up to this point. There was a guy out in the woods playing a game of paintball. Jason grabbed his arm and flung him, taking his arm clean off. The guy's face smashed into a tree, leaving a smiley face imprint. I mean, really? Did they expect us to believe that's what it would actually look like had the guy's face really smashed into the tree? I don't think so. I think they just wanted a little bit of comic relief to throw into the mixture.

Another thing I really love about this movie is the soundtrack. It features a few songs by one of my favorite artists, Alice Cooper. Teenage Frankenstein is in there, as well as a song that Alice wrote specifically for the movie: a song called He's Back (The Man Behind the Mask). Once I heard it, it instantly became one of my favorite songs. Jason is featured in the music video for the song, and Alice even dresses up like him to scare a few kids in a movie theater. It's all fun and games, and I fucking love it. Click here to see the music video!

Jason was played by a guy named C.J Graham in this one. He is an ex-marine, he was in pretty good shape, and I think he did a good job. He's my third favorite person to ever play Jason, behind Kane Hodder and Derek Mears.

From this point on, the movies did get kind of silly, but I still love them anyway. There's no way in hell you'll ever get me to say any of these movies are less than wonderful--even the ones I don't like as much as some others. The series as a whole is my favorite thing ever, and you'll never hear me claim otherwise. So even though this one was a bit silly, as were most of the ones that followed, all but one will receive a five-point rating (that one being Jason X, which receives a 4.9).

#193 -- The Toxic Avenger (1984)

Rating: 5 / 5
Directors: Michael Herz & Lloyd Kaufman

He was 95 pounds of solid nerd, until he became...The Toxic Avenger!

With all those other lucky superheroes out there, I think it's nice to have an unlucky one who everyone can relate to. Iron Man could only do what he did because he had money, and it was the same with Batman. Superman was an alien, so he doesn't count. Thor was a God, so it's only natural that he'd be badass. And then there's Melvin Ferd. I think he's like a cross between Captain America and The Hulk. Captain America was a tiny little nerd, until some unlikely and surprising circumstances turned him into a hero. Bruce Banner was a normal guy, until he was exposed to some gamma rays, turning him into The Hulk.

Melvin was the biggest nerd you could ever imagine. I actually think that's how they came up with his last name--Ferd--a contraction of Fucking Nerd. I mean, he was the worst. He was goofy looking, he was clumsy, he was a pervert; he was every bully's favorite guy. He was a janitor at the Tromaville Health Club. They called him the Mop Boy, and  he was an extremely easy target for ridicule. There was a group of bullies in particular that liked to pick on Melvin, but they were more than just bullies. They were murderers. They played a game of hit and run, with each target earning them a certain amount of points. One day one of the evil girls, Julie, decided to play a prank on Melvin. She told him she wanted to do it with him, but only if he was wearing pink, because pink really turned him on. Since he didn't have anything pink, she gave him a tutu and told him to meet her at the pool. When he got there, all the lights were out, but he followed her voice to her waiting lips. Or what he thought were her waiting lips; the lips that actually awaited him belonged to a sheep. Completely humiliated, Melvin ran.

Everyone in the gym ran after him, cackling laughter all the way. He ended up jumping out of a window, and he landed in a barrel of toxic waste on a truck parked below. Instead of killing him, like you would expect, the toxic waste gave him superpowers.

Everyone who knows anything about Troma knows that they are low budget movies. But anyone who watches them knows that their effects are actually quite good. The transformation from Melvin to Toxic Avenger was gruesome, gross, and awesome. After he was transformed by the toxic waste, Melvin had a sort of spidey sense. Whenever evil was around, he lost control, and he just had to destroy it. The superhero inside of him took over, and evil was no match for him. Toxie, as his fans so lovingly refer to him now, was vicious and bad ass. He could really fuck shit up. And trust me, there were plenty of people to be fucked up in Tromaville. It was a crime-ridden town, with gangs, thieves, drug dealers, and crooked politicians galore. But Toxie was on a mission to rid his beloved town of all evil--cleaning up crime, one thug at a time, with his mops of justice. They called him The Monster Hero, and he was either loved or hated by the townspeople. Some were afraid of him, and thought he should be destroyed, though those were mostly the crooked ones with something to  hide. The others, the ones he saved from the gangs, were very thankful and loyal to him. Along with his blind girlfriend Sarah, they were all on his side, and they would save him from the evil government trying to kill him.

Even though it was a terrible situation that Melvin was thrown into, it wasn't all bad. He got to have his revenge in the end, and he became a hero with a beautiful woman by his side. This might not be a full-fledged horror movie (I think it's lumped in there because of all the over-the-top gore).

It's a beautiful coming of age story with a wonderful message to tell. If Melvin Ferd, the biggest loser on the planet, can find his place in this world, and find love while he's at it, so can you.

To me, there's no excuse for not loving this movie. If you don't, you're a weirdo and you should be ashamed of yourself. Not really, but I do think it appeals to many different senses. It's got the typical Troma gore--over the top and completely ridiculous, but at the same time fucking awesome. It's got those stupid, corny jokes I've come to love. And, of course, it's got an unbelievable story that becomes believable with its wonderful characters. Toxic waste or no, Melvin Ferd is the shit. And if you're one of those awesome people who do enjoy this kind of think, you should check out the novelization of the movie, written by Lloyd Kaufman himself (along with some guy named Adam Jahnke, though I believe it was just Lloyd and he's fucking with us). It gets deeper into Melvin's past, as well as his girlfriend Sarah's. It also tells us more of the corruption of Tromaville and its leaders. And also, it's funny as shit.

The Toxic Avenger is a franchise no one expected. How could something so stupid go so far? Two sequels, books, a children's cartoon, a theater production (I'm not even kidding), action figures, etc. Toxie has become an icon and a household name. So my last words for you guys are these: All hail the monster hero!

Some more screen caps, 'cause I can

#169 -- House on Haunted Hill (1959)

Director: William Castle
Rating: 5 / 5

I've always said this is one of my favorite movies, and it's available to me on so many outlets. I have it on two different DVD sets, and it's available on Netflix. So there's really no excuse for me waiting so long to post about it. The first thing you need to know (as if you didn't already) is that our leading man here is the one and only Vincent Price. I haven't come close to seeing all his films but I can say honestly that he's one of my favorite actors. He had a look about him, and that voice! His name-Vincent Price- rolls off the tongue and sounds so nice. He was made for horror. Or horror was made for him, either way. Plus he was an amazing actor. In everything I've seen him in, he puts all the other actors/actresses to shame. No one could hold a candle to our dear Mr. Price. I just love him! There's something about him that screams elegance and grace, but at the same time he's creepy as hell. He was just a beautiful man, and that is made very apparent here. While all other aspects of this movie could very rightfully be called silly and campy, Mr. Price's performance can be called nothing other than brilliant, as is everything else he ever did. The Plot: A millionaire, Frederick Loren, holds a birthday party for his wife, in which he invites five strangers to a so-called haunted house. He will pay them each ten thousand dollars if they can stay in the house overnight. If they all survive, they get the ten grand. If not all of them survive, the fifty thousand he was willing to shell out will be divided between the survivors. One of the men at at the party, a Mr. Pritchard, truly believes there are ghosts in the house. He knows of all the murders that have happened there over the years (one of which was his brother's), and he's sure that the ghosts are coming for each and every one of them. Nora, the pretty girl of the group, sees a ghost first. She's the only one who ever sees anything, and it slowly drives her a little bit mad. When the body of Mrs. Loren is found hanging from the ceiling, everyone (except Mr. Pritchard, of course) is positive that Frederick is to blame. They lock themselves in their bedrooms and try to stay alive until morning, so they can alert the police to Mrs. Loren's murder. Only Mrs. Loren wasn't murdered. She wasn't even dead! [Spoiler alert] The whole thing was an elaborate scheme between Mrs. Loren and her lover to kill Frederick, so that she could get his money. The things Nora was seeing was just what they called "hysteria"; the idea of the ghosts frightened her so much that her subconscious convinced her she was seeing them. It was all a part of the plan. So, where there really any ghosts? If the walls could talk, only they would be able to tell us.

I'm not really sure why, but I just love this movie. The scares are a bit silly and over the top, but honestly, what do you expect from a movie like this? Every horror movie made around this time is going to look silly to us, because we know what possibilities movies have these days. We've seen CGI and and top-notch special effects. So skeletons on strings are just downright stupid, right? I don't think so. Like I've said many times before, it's the simplicity of these movies that draws me to them. They don't need over the top gore to get their point across. All they're trying to do is give us a little spook. Ask someone that grew up in the 1950s and watched this movie as a child. They'll tell you it scared the shit out of them, I'm sure. I am a gore whore; I love seeing buckets of blood and guts everywhere. But it is nice to see, every once in a while, a movie rely on atmosphere and other things to get its scares in. House on Haunted Hill is beautiful and elegant, and Vincent Price is such a distinguished gentleman (even though he really wanted his dear wife dead), that I can't help but love it. And you should too! There was a remake of this, of course, some time in the '90s I think. I actually enjoyed the remake quite a bit too. There was a sequel to the remake called Return to House on Haunted Hill, and that one just...well, that one sucked. There's nothing quite like the original, and there will never be another movie quite like this one.

#81 -- The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

Director: Tim Burton

Rating: 5 / 5

I don't think I could possibly participate in the 13 Days of Creepmas without giving The Nightmare Before Christmas some attention. So, for the 5th day of Creepmas, I present a review of one of the best movies ever made.

Everyone knows Jack Skellington. And everyone who knows him loves him, I'm sure. He is hugely popular, and I think he always will be. I know he's definitely one of my favorite movie characters of all time. I know this is a horror movie blog, and this movie isn't exactly horror; but I'm going to review it anyway. I don't know; it might frighten some kids out there. For me, though, I was always terrified of the Gargoyles preview that came before it on my VHS. Anyways...becoming incredibly cliche in 3...2...1

Jack Skellington lives in Halloweentown. Like the North Pole, they spend 364 days of each year getting ready for their big day - Halloween! Everything's creepy and wonderful in Halloweentown once the day arrives, and Jack is in the middle of all of it. They have a ginormous celebration, and it wouldn't be complete without The Pumpkin King! However, Jack's getting tired of it. It is the same thing, year after year. And the Pumpkin King would like to do something different every once in a while.

So, as he's taking a depressing stroll through the forest, he stumbles upon several different portals - doors set into tree trunks. There is a portal for each holiday - Easter, Thanksgiving, Valentine's day, etc. But Jack is especially drawn to the sparkly green tree, and he takes a peek - only to tumble down into an incredible new world. Christmastown!

Everything is so beautiful in Christmastown. There is snow on the ground and smiling faces all around. Jack is ecstatic that he has finally found something different - different from all the gloom he sees back home. So when he returns to Halloweentown, he tells everyone about what he's seen and begs them to have Christmas this year instead. They get to work, busily making toys for all the children. Jack even has Santa Claus kidnapped so that he can get some inspriation. Not only does he have to worry about the Jolly Red Giant, but he has to worry about Oogie Boogie: the man who (along with three little spooky children) helped Jack capture 'Ol Saint Nick. Oogie Boogie captures Jack's true love, and he must save her. But that's just a bit of a side-story, so let's get back to the big picture.

When Christmas finally arrives, Jack gets back to Christmastown to deliver the presents. Only problem is that Jack's roots are in Halloweentown, and he made the gifts accordingly. The children are terribly frightened of the gifts they receive and their parents become worried. They begin calling the police and complaining, and eventually it is decided that Santa must die. Only Santa's trapped back in Halloweentown, and when they send out the cannons and guns, they're aiming straight for Jack!

I've been in love with this movie since I was a child. When I was about nine or ten, I would watch it every single day; I couldn't get enough of it. I think this, along with Friday the 13th, played a part in my love of spooky things. I think Tim Burton is somewhat of a genius. Though I haven't enjoyed every single one of his movies, he does create beautifully spooky things. The Nightmare Before Christmas will ALWAYS be one of my favorite movies.

#74 -- Little Shop of Horrors (1960)

Director: Roger Corman

Rating: 5 / 5

This was the first of the "classics" that I ever saw, and it became my favorite rather quickly. It had to scooch over to second place, though, when I finally saw House on Haunted Hill. But regardless, it is still one of my favorite movies, and it holds a special place in my heart for introducing me to the classics. Little Shop follows Seymour, a goofy, dorky little man working in a flower shop. In order to impress his boss, and a beautiful lady he's had his eye on, he creates a new kind of flower. It is a great success and brings in many new customers. Seymour's boss is very pleased with him, but Seymour soon learns that he has a big problem.

This flower - which he named Audrey 2, after the woman he loves - is far from ordinary. It's pretty much like a venus fly-trap, but it eats more than bugs. Seymour learns that the plant not only can talk - "Feed me!" - but that it has a giant thirst for blood. Seymour then begins finding people out on the street to kill and feed to his precious flower.

Jack Nicholson guest stars as an insanely creepy dental patient, who just loves getting work on his teeth. He is creepy, yes, but he is also hilarious. 

This movie is amazing, and it will always be one of my favorites. Is the acting amazing? No. Are the effects phenomenal? No. But it was made in the '60s, so you can't really expect too much of either of those things. It is wonderful, though, and far better than its successor. The movie was remade in the '80s, with Rick Moranis starring as Seymour. It was a musical and, to put it simply, it fucking SUCKS. Don't watch that one. Stick to the original, because it is far more enjoyable.

#63 -- Friday the 13th part 3 (1982)

Director: Steve Miner

Rating: 5 / 5

Friday the 13^th part 3 switched it up a little bit, as it doesn't take place in a summer camp. Instead, it takes place in a family-owned cabin in the Crystal Lake area. Chris decides to return to the cabin with a group of friends for a little summer fun. Having had an encounter with Jason when she was a little girl (when she decided to sleep in the woods after her parents had a fight), she also hopes to face her fears of the psychotic killer. 

This one was released as a 3D movie. You could say it's gimmicky, but I don't think so, not back then. These days, every other movie is in 3D, and I like to think that Friday the 13^th was cool before cool was cool. Sadly, I was born seven years after the release of this movie, so I didn't get to see it in all its 3D glory. My DVD did come with a set of hockey-mask 3D glasses, but I'm sure you could guess that they're pretty shitty. The 3D effects are pretty good, though, just watching it regularly. It's not exactly 3D - just looks like things are coming at the camera, but it's pretty neat anyways. I'm waiting – crossing my fingers – that they will re-release it in 3D, but I won't hold my breath. 

Anyways, part three is perhaps the biggest milestone in Friday the 13^th history. No, not because it was done in 3D, but because it was in this film that Jason slipped on his hockey mask. A practical joker, Shelly, who loved to play jokes on just about everyone (no one like him because of it) fell prey to our dear Jason. Jason saw the hockey mask that Shelly had been using for one of his pranks, and I guess he thought that might work better than a burlap sack. And yes, indeed it does. 

Body Count:
1. Harold - stabbed
2. Edna - stabbed through head with knitting needle
3. Fox - stabbed with pitchfork
4. Loco - stabbed with pitchfork
5. Shelly - throat slit
6. Vera - spear through the eye
7. Andy - sliced in half with machete
8 & 9. Debbie and her unborn child - stabbed
10. Chuck - electrocuted
11. Chili - stabbed with fire poker
12. Rick - head crushed with Jason's bare hands
13. Ali - hacked with machete

#58 -- A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Director: Wes Craven
Rating: 5 / 5

When a friend has a horrible nightmare, Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) and her boyfriend Glen (Johnny Depp) decide to stay the night with her in order to make sure that she's okay. They don't really think much of what their friend says, until she's mysteriously murdered in her sleep. The girl's boyfriend is arrested for the murder and taken to jail, but Nancy and Glen don't believe that he had anything to do with it. One by one their friends are murdered in their sleep, and they soon start to believe that maybe, these dreams are more than what they seem. Nancy begins to have the dreams as well. They feature a terribly burned man in a striped sweater and a brown hat, and that man is Freddy Krueger. Krueger was a child murderer who was burned to death by a bunch of locals, including Nancy's parents. Now, he's back to kill them, as a way to get revenge on their parents, by entering their dreams.

Okay, that's all the synopsis you're getting, because if you don't already know everything I just said...something's wrong with you. Even non-horror-lovers know about Freddy, so where in the hell have you been? Instead of more pointless synopsis, let's get into what makes this movie so incredible. Some people (like my boyfriend, what the fuck's his problem?) think that a killer who murders kids in their dreams is stupid. I guess it could have been stupid if it had been in the wrong hands, but thankfully, it was in the hands of Wes Craven. Here's what I think happened: Wes got together with whoever else helped him here, they decided that they wanted to make a horror movie. They wanted to do some weird things, and they knew that these things were silly, but they were smart about it. They came up with an idea which allowed them to do the stupidest, silliest, and weirdest things and all of that would be A-okay. The fact that Freddy is a dream demon means that everything makes perfect sense. Even the most far-fetched things are perfectly plausible because everyone knows that nothing is impossible in your dreams. It didn't matter what they did with him, there's no way that it could have been stupid. Brilliant. 

That's what I love about these movies. There's no limit whatsoever to what Freddy can do. Anything that he does makes sense because he's always inside someone's dream. Not only does this mean that there are no stupid kills, it means that there are tons of things in these movies that you'll never seen anywhere else. These movies have the most creative and unique kill scenes that you will ever see, and I absolutely love them for that. There's always something new and inventive, and you just can't wait to see what Freddy's going to do next. Again, this is brilliant film-making. 

Another thing that everyone love about these movies is Freddy himself. He is the goofiest serial killer ever, and we love him for it. He's got a very dark sense of humor, he's goofy as hell, and he's always got something to say. He's an asshole, of course, and he's always making fun of people before he kills them, but he does it in such a hilarious way that you can't help but love him. I know that other people have attempted to have those funny killers, but none of them succeed the way that Freddy does. In most cases, those killers end up not being funny at all. In the rare cases that they are actually funny, it only makes them less scary and ruins the horror aspect of the movie. Here, though, everything is executed absolutely perfectly. Freddy is funny as hell, but he's still scary. I don't know how they succeeded at this, but I can only assume it's because they're geniuses. 

Sometimes, when a series goes on for so long, people start to get bored with it. They're tired of seeing the same killer kill basically the same characters movie after movie, and always in the same way. That can't happen here, which is another great thing about it. Because of the dream aspect, with the limitless ways that Freddy can kill, he will never get old. They can keep making these movies for hundreds of years, and as long as someone has new ideas for Freddy's kills, there will always be something different and exciting. As long as it doesn't get into the wrong hands, Freddy will live forever. 

I didn't see these movies as early on in my life as I did Friday the 13th, but I was still pretty young. I still feel like I grew up with Freddy as well, so all these movies have a special place in my heart. I loved them then, I love them now, and I will love them forever. Freddy Krueger is one hell of a killer, one funny motherfucker, and it's no wonder he's become so iconic in the horror world. He's awesome, end of story. And Robert Englund played the part so brilliantly that it is completely, 100% impossible not to love him. 

#55 -- Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)

Director: Stephen Chiodo

Rating: 5 / 5

With a title like that, I think some people might be turned off, and you really can't expect much from it. But Killer Klowns does not disappoint. It is just what an '80s horror movie should be. In fact, it's just what any good cheesy horror movie should be. It's filled with cheesy gore and even cheesier characters. It seems that this movie is a love it or hate it type of deal, and for me it's nothin' but love. I really can't understand all the negativity I've heard about it, because it's nothing short of amazing.

When a couple stumbles upon a mysterious big-top out in the middle of the woods, their lives change drastically. The girl is abducted, trapped in a bubble and left to die. Her boyfriend must find a way to save her as well as everyone else that have been trapped in the bubbles. I think the "bubbles" might have been made out of bubble gum, but I'm not entirely sure. Some people were also trapped in cotton candy cocoons, which the klowns then stuck straws into and drank their juices. Anyways, this guy has to save the town all by himself, because no one in their right mind will believe the story he has to tell. That is, until the Killer Klowns come to their house. He calls upon a couple of his friends, and they ride around town in an ice cream truck on a mission to save everyone from the intergalactic funny-men. 

The little guy pictured above is my favorite character in the movie. The clowns don't talk, but they definitely have personality. You can tell who the leaders are, and who the pipsqueaks are. This little guy is definitely the pipsqueak of the family, but he should not be underestimated. There's one particular scene -- the best one in the movie, in my opinion -- where this little guy shows just how tough he can be. It involves a biker gang, a destroyed bicycle, a sad little clown, and a head in a dumpster. But that's just one of the many great scenes here. There's another with shadow puppets that can actually cause damage, and one with clowns in jail. There's a lot of good stuff going on, trust me on that.

Not only do the clowns have bubbles and cocoons at their disposal, but they also have popcorn guns. When they shoot the guns, popcorn rains on their target; but it's not your average everyday popcorn. From this popcorn springs even more Killer Klowns, in some kind of weird worm form. I assume that this is their baby-form, and that these worms will eventually grow into adult killer klowns just like the rest.

The clowns look horrible. It probably would have looked better, physically, if they'd just slapped some face paint on themselves, but it just wouldn't have been the same that way. The terrible clowns is part of what makes them awesome. When I saw this movie for the first time, it instantly became one of my favorites. I'm not a huge fan of aliens, but when they're clowns I can't help but love them. This movie is goofy, funny and just downright fun to watch. If you're a fan of b-movies, clowns, or just want to have a good time -- rent this movie immediately, and enjoy it with a big heaping bowl of popcorn. But beware -- the Killer Klowns just might be hot on your trail.