13 Days of Creepmas, Day 9: The Tale of Zombie Santa

If any of you read my post about meeting Kane Hodder, you will know that I met a very interesting zombie in the parking lot. You will also know that this particular zombie quite resembled 'ol Saint Nick. And, if you know me, you will know that I thought, "Hey! I should write a story about that." And that's exactly what I did.





Read my story after the jump!

In My Eyes

I'm going to be lazy today. That seems to be happening a lot lately. But today I will share another one of my little poems with you guys.

In My Eyes

Dedicated to my beautiful and wonderful husband, Jason Voorhees.

It was a cold dark night and I had lost my way
Not a single part of me wanted to get away
The moon was full and the wind, it howled
What a perfect night to be disemboweled

Oh, evil eyes; filled with rage for humankind
Oh, hands so strong; to kill me off won’t take long

He was coming for me, axe in hand
I needn’t be here in his precious land
I should have run, but there was no fear
There was reason for my being here

Oh, kill me fast; make it slow and make it last
Oh, rip out my heart; play with it, shred it, rip it apart

I felt my life slowly slipping away
What a beautiful glorious day
I was just a number making his body count rise
But I’m sure he’d seen love in my helpless little eyes

Jeffrey Dahmer Ate My Boyfriend

I thought I'd start sharing some more of my writing, just to get it out there and read by someone. What better critiques than my fellow horror fans? So, here goes. This is one of my favorite poems that I've ever written. I don't claim to be a poet, per say, but I do try every now and then. They're usually not that great, but this one has stuck with me since I wrote it about four years ago. I hope you enjoy it. :)


Jeffrey Dahmer Ate My Boyfriend

Here’s a story you won’t soon forget
It’s the story of a boy
And how his end was met
We were on a road trip, you see
Just he and I
We wanted to travel the world
See everything underneath the sky
He stopped at a store
And went inside for snacks
It struck me peculiar
When he didn’t come back
I went inside to investigate
See what was taking him so long
What I saw inside there
I thought it very wrong

His heart was on a table
His fingers strewn about
His brain was in the freezer
And his spleen had been ripped out

I saw a man
With blood dripping from his lips
This couldn’t be real
I was surely having a fit

I dropped to my knees and began to cry
All this gore I couldn’t believe
And then I heard a soft sweet voice that said
“Hi, my name is Jeffrey.”

Jeffrey Dahmer ate my boyfriend
Killed him really well
He looked at me and said
“It’s alright. They don’t let cannibals in Hell.”
I said “Man, you’re crazy.
They’ll let anyone in there.”
He looked really sad
Then got really glad
As he smiled and said, “I’ll share.”

So that’s it, kiddies
The way he bit the dust
That’s just the way it happened
It must have been bad luck
But do not cry for me, children
Please do not fret
For I made a new friend on that trip
And, really, what you see is not what you get
His name is Jeffrey, and he is really neat
He always knows just the right way to
Eat. Your. Meat.

My Pet Zombie

I have been looking forward to the Zombie Walk ever since I joined up, and I'm so happy that it's finally here. It's finally time for you guys to meet one of my very best friends. I addressed my pet zombie in a previous post. I implied that he is an asshole, which he is. But he has a reason for it, so I can’t blame him too much. He doesn’t like me very much, I don’t think. The only reason he stays with me is because I feed him. I don’t really feel comfortable telling you how I feed him (legal issues); but regardless of how it’s done, we’ve established a nice symbiotic relationship. I feed him; he keeps me safe from psychos at night. That was the deal. One night, when we were hiding from one of those psychos, he told me a story to alleviate some of my distress. He agreed to let me share his story with all of you (maybe he’s not such an asshole, after all; I think I’ll go give him a hug when I’m finished). It might not be verbatim, but it’s close enough and should adequately explain why he is the way he is.

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