#329 -- My Bloody Valentine (1981)

Director: George Mihalka
Rating: 3.5 / 5

I'm feeling kind of weird about this movie right now. I saw it many years ago, and I loved it. All this time, I've been thinking it was amazing. Now that I've watched it again, it's not as good as I remember it. I guess it's because, now, I've seen so many horror movies that it's easy to find flaws in them. But, I still really enjoy this movie, flaws and all.

It takes place in a small town called Valentine Bluffs. Naturally, this town has always been very much into Valentine's Day. There was a hundred-year-old tradition of holding a dance on the 14th, but one day, that tradition died -- along with several townspeople. There was a cave-in at the mine, leaving several workers trapped. When the rescue team finally got to them, they found only one man still alive: Harry Warden. After having been down there for a while, his mind was unraveled just a little bit. They found him munching on someone's arm. When he got out, he killed several people in the town, including the supervisors who I assume were supposed to be watching them and making sure they were safe (instead, they were at the dance). Since they failed him, they had to die. After he killed, he would cut out his victim's heart and send it in a little heart-shaped package with a warning: to never hold the Valentine's Day dance ever again. The town heeded that warning for twenty years, until one year, they decided to hold the dance again. Harry was, after all, locked away in a mental asylum, so they figured they were safe. Of course, as you know, they were dead wrong.

Just as all the festivities were coming together, people started getting murdered. The only person who believed Harry was back was a crazy old bartender. No one believed him, and instead chose to laugh in his face. If only they had listened...of course, if people in horror movies listened to the crazy old man, there wouldn't be a horror movie at all. The mayor recognized, a little too late, what was going on, and cancelled the dance. That didn't stop a group of joker miners, who decided to have a little V-Day party of their own. They went to the mines and started their celebrations. Most of them weren't stupid enough to go into the actual mines; they just stayed up top in the bunkers. That didn't save all of them, of course, but it did prevent them from having to be stuck down below in the dark. There were a few of the group that decided to go down in the mines, because the girls wanted a tour of where their fellas worked. They became trapped down there with Harry, desperate for a way out, and trying to escape with their lives.

The part that I like most about the movie is the human hearts sent as Valentine's Day cards. Each one had some kind of note with it. They usually rhymed and were pretty catchy. The kills themselves, for the most part, weren't very memorable; but that aspect of them made it interesting. It succeeded at being somewhat suspenseful, as we wondered if the kids would survive. Since the man's name was shouted all over town, constantly, though, there really wasn't any suspense involving the killer's identity. There was a twist at the end that's not exactly expected; but it doesn't make much sense. That's okay, though. Even though it's flawed, what I like about the movie is the concept. There are a shitload of Christmas horror movies; a couple based on April Fool's, and who knows how many based on Halloween. I've even seen a couple for Thanksgiving. But, if there's another based around the good 'ol Valentine's Day, I'm unaware of it. Besides the re-make of this one, of course. The cool thing about it (just like ones with killer Santas) is that it's just not right. Valentine's Day is the day of love; the couples' holiday. There's supposed to be happiness, warm embraces, and tons of love spread around. It takes that and throws some blood in its face, and I like that. It's different, and it's interesting. It's not a perfect movie by any means, but it's entertaining, and that's what really matters.

Caution, spoilers ahead!

#247 -- 13 Days of Creepmas Day 1: Santa's Slay (2005)

Rating: 4 / 5
Director: David Steiman

Spreading holiday fear this Christmas...

So, Christmas time is coming again. While this means empty bank accounts for the most of us, it also means that the 13 Days of Creepmas is back. I had trouble finding topics for Creepmas last year, as I wasn't really aware of all the Christmas themed horror movies out there. This year, I'm going to try my best to find a bunch of movies to watch so my Creepmas can be more eventful and enjoyable. Head on over to the Creepmas Blog for more info, and to find all the other blogs participating. As for my first entry, I bring you a wonderful comedic horror movie about a killer Santa Claus.

Bill Goldberg stars as the evil Santa Claus, who happens to be the son of Satan and some girl named Erica. The myth says that, one thousand years ago, God sent down one of his angels to defeat the evil Santa. They placed a bet, Santa lost, and he was forced to spend the next thousand years being jolly and handing out gifts to children. But those thousand years are up, and Santa's back for some good 'ol jolly destruction. The story centers around a sixteen year-old boy named Nicholas, and his grandfather. Grandpa seems crazy, but has a secret that will prove very useful to the boy as he faces off with Santa.

Christmas is over when I say it's over!

The movie starts off with a family having Christmas dinner, when Santa comes down the chimney and kills them all. This family consists of Chris Kattan, Rebecca Gayheart (from Urban Legend), James Caan (Elf),   and Fran Drescher. They're all killed in some pretty interesting and awesome ways, and I knew right away this was going to be a movie I'd enjoy. Fran Drescher's character had her hair set on fire, which I'm sure many people wished for back in her Nanny days, but I think it would have been more symbolic had something happened to her voice box. I'm not hatin', because I'll admit to being a Nanny fan...just sayin'. Santa's kills are definitely inventive. He uses pretty much anything he can get his hands on--like candy canes, flagpoles, stripper poles, turkey legs, Christmas tree-toppers, and exploding presents to name a few--and not to mention the fact that he could breathe fire. And it was Bill Goldberg, a big ass guy, so he probably really didn't need a weapon at all.

I didn't really know what to expect from it. The main reason I wanted to watch it was Bill Goldberg, and he most certainly didn't disappoint. He was funny and menacing at the same time, and very enjoyable. But I was surprised to find that it's one of those incredible "so bad it's good" movies; except that it's really not all that bad. It's just silly, but what can you expect from a movie about a killer Santa?
I really can't think of anything negative to say about this movie, other than I'm sad that I didn't watch it sooner! It was wonderful, and my Creepmas has gotten off to a really great start. Every Creeper needs this movie on their Christmas watch-list. So go watch it now, and get into the Creepmas spirit.