#301 -- My Stepdad's A Freakin' Vampire! (2009)

Director: David Matheny
Rating: 3 / 5

Everyone knows I'm a sucker for movies that look cheesy. I think it's safe to say that this one looked to be the epitome of the word, which is why I was intrigued by it. Sometimes, when I stumble upon something like this, it ends up being absolutely wonderful and becomes one of my favorite movies. Sometimes, it ends up being a piece of crap I wished I'd never watched. But at other times, like now, it ends up as something I could live with or without.

The movie was about a guy named Rusty, whose mother just married Richard. Rusty hated Richard, because he was sort of an asshole. When mom went out of town, she asked that the two of them get along, but all Rusty wanted to do was stay away from him. When he discovered the body of a missing mailman in their attic, though, he realized he might be dealing with something other than a horrible stepdad. He called the police, but once they arrived, the body was gone. So he went to the same person that all of us would go to in a similar situation: his best friend, Travis. Travis didn't believe him either, that is until they were attacked by the undead mailman.

They were saved by their school's janitor, who just happened to double as a vampire slayer (since, of course, his family had been killed by Richard himself). Gert, the janitor/vamp slayer, explained that Richard was actually the leader of an ancient vampire army. That army was brought to Earth by some sort of talisman, and once the army was defeated, it was taken under the protection of a certain family. It remained in that family ever since, and that family was the Funkhausers. Rusty Funkhauser. So, Richard had spend who-knows-how-long searching for that talisman, which is why he married Ms. Funkhauser. Once he found it, he would be able to raise his army again, and take over the world. It was up to Rusty, Travis, Gert, and a nerd-boy named Brad to defeat the vampire threat.

You can tell that this movie is fairly low budget, but it doesn't always show. It's sort of a hit or miss with this one. Sometimes everything looks wonderful, and at other times it just looks cheesy. As for the story, I liked it. The whole army/talisman thing was cool. The acting was just okay, and the effects, again, where hit or miss. It was definitely a cheesy movie that had quite a few laugh-out-loud moments. For the most part, I say it was a good effort, but I feel like it was missing something. The entire time, I felt like, if they'd just pushed things a little harder and made a little bit more of an effort, it would have been great. It definitely wasn't a bad movie, but it just failed to go the extra mile. I was entertained, and it's definitely something to check out if you're into this sort of thing--like I am.

This review was part of Vampire's Day Soiree, hosted by Holly's Horrorland. What better way to spend the most romantic day of the year than by sitting down to a nice vampire movie? Or, in my case, a cheesy vampire movie. I could have chosen a more sophisticated movie, but instead I chose something that my boyfriend and I could both agree on. He wouldn't have enjoyed an older or foreign movie, so cheesy it was! It is, after all, the couple's holiday, and I wouldn't have felt right watching it alone. Besides, he promised to watch a movie with me, which doesn't happen often, so I didn't want to jeopardize that.

Anyways, I love the idea of this, and I hope it continues throughout the years. I'm looking forward to participating in this event again. Head on over to Holly's blog to check out the other participants and enjoy all the vampire goodness.

#246 -- The Gingerdead Man (2005)

Rating: 4 / 5
Director: Charles Band

The Gingerdead Man is a gem that every B-Movie fan needs to watch. Actually, I think everyone should watch it at some point in their lives, because I guarantee they've never seen anything like it. It's not a perfect horror film by any means, but it's entertaining if not just for its sheer ludicrousness.

Before I tell you what it's all about, I'm going to convince you that you should watch it. The cast and crew is pretty great, and that alone should pull you toward it. First of all, it was released by Full  Moon Pictures, a company known for quite a few other B-Movie delights (like Evil Bong!) It was directed by Charles Band, who has produced over 250 titles, and has directed movies such as Evil Bong, a couple of Puppet Master movies, and Head of the Family, just to  name a few. One of the writers on the film is Willam Butler, who acted in Friday the 13th VII: The New Blood, and wrote the fourth and fifth installments in the Return of the Living Dead series. The special effects work was done by John Carl Buechler, who also did the effects for F13 VII. The main character was played by Robin Sydney who you might (or might not) recognize from the Evil Bong movies, and Johnathan Chase (who was in Another Gay Movie, one of my all-time favorite comedies) was in there too. And to top that cookie off,  Millard Findlemeyer/The Gingerdead Man himself was played (and voiced) by Gary Busey. Now, I dare you to say you're not intrigued.

The movie is obviously inspired by the famous Child's Play franchise, and the basic plot is exactly the same. But at the same time, it definitely doesn't feel like a rip off to me. While it does draw its inspiration from those movies, it still succeeds in creating a different character that I, personally, cannot bring myself to compare to Chucky. It's about a killer named Millard Findlemeyer. During a robbery, he shot and killed a man and his son, leaving the daughter alive for whatever reason. She, of course, helped send him to the electric chair to fry. He was cremated, his ashes were sent to his grieving (and equally psychotic) mother. Mother mixed his ashes into a batch of gingerbread cookie seasoning and sent it over to the bakery run by none other than Sarah Leigh (Sydney), the only one Findlemeyer left alive. When her co-worker, Brick (Chase) cuts his hand and bleeds into the mix, it spells out a world of trouble. No one notices the blood in the cookie batter, so Sarah makes the cookies anyway. This brings Mr. Findlemeyer back from the dead, and he's one tough cookie. He wants revenge on Sarah for sending him to the electric chair, and he'll kill anyone else to stands in his way.

The premise itself is stupid, I'll admit that. But it's creative; it's something I've never seen--or even heard of--before, and that's why I like it. It is extremely silly, and only those with a weird sense of humor (like myself) can enjoy it. Those who don't like silly things probably won't. It had some great one-liners and cookie-related puns (like Killsbury Doughboy, ha!). Johnathan Chase's character was hilarious, because he was an avid wrestling fan who called himself "Butcher Baker," and had some interesting things to say about that. Even the character's names were baking puns in themselves. Sarah and Betty Leigh, Amos Cadbury, Jimmy Dean, Brick Fields--they're all nods toward the famous names on our favorite baked goods. All of the actors did a great job bringing life to a story that is completely implausible, and I've got to applaud them for that.

I've got to give Buechler a big pat on the back as well for the great effects. I've always been a fan, if not only for the amazing and horrifying changes he made to Jason Voorhees. He did a great job here, as well. The cookie had a pretty realistic face, which is extremely impressive. He gave life to that little guy. Yeah, the Gingerdead Man is ugly, but that's only because it's supposed to look like Gary Busey--is that mean?

So my overall thoughts are that The Ginerdead Man is a great and entertaining movie with a killer cast and crew, and it should be on everyone's watch list.

Oh, and I apologize for my own attempted cookie humor...