#140 -- "A" Challenge: A Dead Calling (2006)

Director: Michael Feifer
Rating: 3/5

Rachel Beckwith was a successful investigative reporter. In the world of horror, that's actually a pretty dangerous job to have. One night, someone who was obviously angry about one of her stories, broke into her house and killed her fiance. The death of her soon to be husband led her to move back home with her parents, George and Marge. It also led her to a new reporting job, and that job led her to a haunted house. She was supposed to do a story about the architecture of nearby houses, but she never got any farther than that one house. She kept seeing the apparitions of a family that lived there twenty-five years ago. There was a crazy doctor, Frank Sullivan, who performed some unorthodox surgeries in his basement and killed his entire family. Well, almost his entire family; his youngest child, Elizabeth, survived and was sent to foster care. Even though Rachel was frightened and thought she was losing her mind for a minute, she just couldn't stay away from the house. She said that it was calling her. With her new boss (and possibly her new boyfriend), she set out to find answers to the mystery of the murders in the house. Meanwhile, Frank Sullivan escaped from prison, and he set out to find his surviving daughter, Elizabeth. Rachel eventually found out some unsettling news about her true parentage, and it seemed like she was the only one who could possibly give the Sullivan ghosts peace.
I was interested in this one because of the cast. We had Sid Haig (Captain Spaulding from House of 1000 Corpses) as Rachel's father, Leslie Easterbrook (Mother Firefly from House of 1000 Corpses) as Rachel's mother, and Bill Moseley (Otis from House of 1000 Corpses) as Sheriff Murkin. So, with all those wonderful people, I figured I should check it out. I thought it might be pretty damn good. It was cool seeing Captain Spaulding all cleaned up and domesticated, and Mother Firefly not being so damn creepy. Otis looked a lot different without the long blond hair, and the only reason I knew for sure it was him was his voice. But I'm getting off topic. Was I right? No, not really. The movie was okay, but it really wasn't all that great. The big surprise about Rachel being adopted was revealed to soon, in my opinion. It should have waited and had more of a buildup. It was also kind of anticlimactic. Also, as soon as she realized she was adopted, she knew right away who her parents were. I think it would have been better had she found out directly from the source, and had been just as shocked as the rest of us. I, personally, was not shocked at all. It was predictable.

I always find something wrong with the movies I watch. I'm starting to feel kind of like a bitch, and it's kind of upsetting me. I don't know why I'm suddenly so picky. Why can't I just watch and enjoy? I think I've seen so many horror movies by now that I've got my own idea of how I want them to go. I don't know, but I'd like to find some more out there that I can just enjoy without having to find something that could have been done better. But oh well. You win some, you lose some, as they say. A Dead Calling was an okay movie. It had a pretty good story and good acting, but it lacked atmosphere and suspense. More of a drama than anything, it didn't impress me as much as the cast led me to believe it would.

#139 -- "A" Challenge: Absentia (2011)

Director: Mike Flanagan
Rating: 4/5

I was mostly interested in the cover of this movie. The synopsis was vague and uninteresting, but the cover intrigued me. So, I checked it out. All we know from the synopsis is that Tricia's husband Daniel went missing seven years ago, and that after finally declaring him dead in absentia, starts to think maybe something supernatural was going on. This isn't true, though. Tricia simply thought that Daniel left her at first. Tricia kept having horrible hallucinations of Daniel, and he was angry at her, because she became pregnant by the detective working his case. That, or he was angry because she was declaring him dead. Her therapist said that it was simply guilt on her part, and that finally admitting that her husband was dead was messing with her mind. Her sister, Callie, showed up to live with her, after having been on the road apparently going to several rehabilitation clinics. She kicked her drug habit (or so everyone thought), and she was hoping to help her sister through the terrible mess. When Tricia finally decided to move on for good, she set up a date with the Detective. They didn't get very far, though, before Daniel showed up again. He was sick: showing signs of malnourishment and dehydration. He also seemed to have lost his mind a little bit. While Tricia was out with the Detective, explaining to him that their relationship could not continue, Daniel confided in Callie about where he'd been. He'd only called it the "Underneath." There was some sort of creature (like a giant insect) that lived in the walls of a nearby tunnel. It kidnapped people and took them to the tunnel with it. Sometimes people were able to escape (like Walter, a man Callie met in the tunnel, who was shocked that she could see him, just as Daniel was when he first returned). Daniel said that the thing was in the walls of his bedroom and that it was going to get him. Callie went to investigate and was knocked unconscious by the creature, and awakened to witness Daniel being drug back into the tunnel. She tried to save him, but it was no good. She notified the detectives but, finding the drugs in her room, brushed it off as an acid trip. Tricia thought that Daniel had found out about her relationship with the detective (he was already upset by her pregnancy), and had left her again. So, it was really Callie that suspected supernatural activity; not Tricia.

Callie did some research and found out that a ton of people disappeared from that neighborhood, all around the area of the tunnel. People had been disappearing there for around a hundred years. She knew there was some kind of connection, that there was some sort of mythical creature in the tunnel that was taking people away. But of course, no one would believe her. Tricia just thought she was drugged out. That was until the creature showed up at their house again, and spirited Tricia away. The police, again, just thought that Callie was on drugs and didn't know what she was talking about. So, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She went into the tunnel and attempted to make a "trade." But, we all know, evil spirits and/or creatures aren't very interested in trades.

This one was pretty interesting. I really liked it because it was different. The relationships between the characters were believable and likable, and the acting was really well done. There wasn't a whole lot of gore or action. It was a little bit slow, but it didn't take away from the entertainment. It had a pretty dark atmosphere throughout, whether from the horror aspects, or the situation that Tricia had been put in. We could tell how upset the disappearance of her husband made her. She went through a dark phase in her life, and that was apparent. There were a couple of jump scares, but it was the unknown that was scary. It didn't really explain anything about the creature: what it was, where it came from, or why it was taking people into the walls of the tunnel. I'm a little bit disappointed in that, but it kind of worked. It was a mystery. It reminded me of local folklore type of things: stories that townsfolk tell, but aren't really sure of all the details. Just a kind of, "This happens, but we don't know why." Callie actually made a reference to this in the movie, so I think that was exactly what they were going for. It was vague, but I kind of liked it that way. Most of the time this really pisses me off, and it doesn't work often; but it worked here. And for an independent movie, that's pretty damn impressive. Overall, Absentia was very well made, with good acting, a great story, and an interesting view.

#138 -- "A" Challenge: An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Director: John Landis
Rating: 4/5

It's always seemed to me that this movie is a pretty big deal in the horror world. It seems that it has a big following and a lot of fans. So I feel pretty stupid saying that this is the first time I've seen it. I don't know how it eluded me for so long, but it is what it is. Anyways, it's about two friends--David and Jack--who are backpacking through Europe. They plan on heading over to Rome when they're finished with London, in hopes that Jack's crush will meet them there and give Jack a little somthin' somethin'. In order to get out of the cold, they go into a little pub called The Slaughtered Lamb. It even has a picture of an impaled lamb's head over the door. The pub patrons are not very inviting, and when asked about a pentagram engraved on the wall, they get a little bit stiff. They're not complete assholes, though, so they warn the friends before they leave. They tell them to beware the moon, stay away from the moors, and keep to the road. Being young and adventurous, they ignore this advice. They stray from the road, head directly into the moors, and ignore the moon altogether. That is until they hear a strange howling and growling nearby. Fearing that there's a wild dog about, they start running. But there are some things that people just can't outrun. Jack is killed by the beast and David is hospitalized and remains unconscious for three weeks. Everything seems pretty normal at first, until he is visited by his dead friend Jack. Jack lets him know that they were attacked by a werewolf, and not by an escaped lunatic (as the police report stated). Since Jack died a very unnatural death, he's stuck in limbo, and the only way for him to move on is to destroy the werewolf's bloodline. Jack tells David that he is the last werewolf. David doesn't believe it for a while, and just thinks he's gone crazy. That is until two days later, on the full moon, when he transforms into a monster and kills several people around London.

The transformation scenes are actually pretty good. We see almost every bit of the transformation, and it isn't as bad as you might think the '80s would produce. The werewolf itself, though, is a different story. It's not that bad, but it's not that great either. It's kind of weird looking. Anyways, David has to figure out how keep himself from killing everyone in London, while keeping his new girlfriend (the nurse who cared for him in the hospital) safe. He is constantly visited by Jack, who keeps trying to convince David to take his own life. He introduces him to all the people he killed, and they each try to convince him as well. He tries once, after he woke up naked in a zoo, but he just can't do it. So, in the end, David will have to be stopped the same way as all the werewolves before him.

I enjoyed this one, of course. It had all the '80s cheese that I love (well, not all of it, but it had enough). The werewolf, like I said, looked weird, but it wasn't bad enough to ruin the movie for me. I liked David, because he was a cool guy with a little problem. I can imagine that this was a very big deal when it was released in 1981, but seeing it for the first time in 2012 kind of dimmed it for me, I guess. If I had seen it when I was a kid, I'd probably still be obsessed today. It's amazing what time can do to a good movie. I'm not really sure why, though. Anyways, I really liked it and I understand why it's gotten such a great following.

#137 -- "A" Challenge: Angst (2003)

Director: Wolfgang Bueld
Rating: 4/5

Also known as "Penetration Angst," this is definitely an interesting movie. Like Teeth, it focuses on a "disease" called Vagina Dentata. This is a mythological problem in which a vagina has teeth. While in Teeth the vagina was used as a revenge method to bite off willies, Angst takes it in a different direction. Instead of just biting off the manhood, Helen's lady parts devour the entire man, leaving behind nothing but his clothes. This is the result of a childhood trauma she faced involving her creep of a stepfather and bitch of a mother. This isn't fully realized until her boyfriend, Jack, tricks her into a horrible situation and rapes her. When he is finished, Helen realizes that Jack has disappeared. She returns home to find that her vagina can talk. It has a creepy far-away kind of voice and all it says is, "Feed me!" Fearing that something is horribly wrong, she visits with her doctor. Also like Teeth (I can't help but compare the two, since the subject matter is so similar), her doctor is a creep as well and decides to have his way with her. He, of course, does not make it out of the examination room alive. When she returns home, her vagina is still quite hungry, so she tries to feed it some hotdogs. She is interrupted by her creep stepfather (who is now in a wheelchair thanks to a young Helen) who makes advances at her. She whacks him over the head with a frying pan and goes on the run. There is only one person in her life that actually cares about her, and that is Dennis. Dennis is in love with Helen, but she never gave him a second thought. Seven months later, we see that Helen has turned to prostitution. She lures horny men into her apartment to feed her body's other-wordly cravings. Dennis is traveling through England to try to find her, and he ends up in some tricky situations himself.

While Helen is trying to satisfy her hungry vagina, Dennis is falling in love with one half of a set of Siamese twins. One twin, Silvia (who Dennis falls in love with) is a sweet bookworm. The other, Sonya, is kind of a bitch. Sonya ruins their attempts at love-making, and Dennis decides the only way to remedy the situation is by separating them. He figures the best way to do this is with an electric kitchen knife. However, everything goes wrong and he accidentally kills Sonya. Things were bad before this because he also accidentally had sex with Sonya (watch the movie to see how that happened). But, since he's now a murderer, Dennis has to go on the run. He meets up with a stripper and they decide to rob a bank. They go on the run on some island, until they meet up with Helen and her new husband. Helen and John are on their honeymoon in an RV, and John is very frustrated that Helen refuses to sleep with him (little did he know it was for his own good). He turns out to be a creep too, but he and the psycho stripper end up blowing up inside that RV. Anyways, Dennis and Stripper hijack the RV, and tie up the honeymooners. It takes Dennis quite a while to realize that he's taken his one true love hostage. Once he does, though, all is well. Well, almost. Not only is there the issue of the killer vagina, but Dennis is also on the run from the police. Stripper wants to kill them for ruining her plans to get rich, and Silvia is also seeking revenge for the murder of her sister. But a little digging and a trip down memory lane (to the childhood trauma that started the dentata), Helen might be able to overcome her obstacles and save them both, so that they can finally be together.

This was kind of like a drama/horror/comedy, which I liked. I liked the way it took something I had become familiar with and twisted it up. Of course, this movie was released before Teeth, but the latter is what introduced me to Vagina Dentata. I liked the relationship between Dennis and Helen: the hopelessly in love man, and the woman who is afraid to get close to him. The little stories in between were also fun. The Siamese twins, the crazy stripper--it was all just so out there, but it worked for me. This was definitely interesting, and I enjoyed it. I think my favorite part was the fact that Helen's vagina demanded, vocally, to be fed. It reminded me so much of Little Shop of Horrors and Audrey 2 demanding blood from Seymour. The ending was kind of abrupt and wasn't very well thought out. It was one of those, "Oh, well, everything's fine all of a sudden with no real solution" type of things. It ended on a bad note for me, but it wasn't bad enough to ruin the whole movie. So check this out if you're interested in toothed vaginas and weird stuff like that.

#136 -- "A" Challenge: Alligator X (2010)

Director: Amir Valinia
Rating: 3/5

They thought it was extinct. They were wrong. Actually, they were right; it was extinct. But thanks to Charles, a scientist/teacher/complete psycho, it is not extinct anymore. Charles was actually fired from his teaching job at a university for trying to bring back an extinct species of tiger. So, under the table of course, he decided to switch to dinosaurs (or, if you want to be technical about it, prehistoric aquatic reptiles). So, in the swamplands of Louisiana, the townsfolk are being abducted and fed to a really hungry monster in the swamp. Charles successfully re-animated the creature using fossils, and he hired two redneck brothers to capture and kill people from around the town. Alligator X is female, and Charles did manage to impregnate her. So his whole deal is to get her into a different sort of aquatic environment so that her offspring will be able to survive. The perfect environment is along a man named Pappy's property, and it is the perfect mixture of fresh and saltwater. The only problem is that he had Pappy killed. Pappy's daughter Laura, who happens to be Charles' ex-wife, is the only person who can sign over the deed to the property. She signs it over in exchange for her life, and the life of a tourist and a police officer. The bad guys continue to try to lure Alligator X over to Pappy's property, and they do succeed...but not without losing a few lives. I'm not sure why Charles wanted to do this, to bring several very dangerous predatory creatures into his hometown, but I guess psychos will be psychos. It was probably for the advancement of science. The ability to reanimate an extinct species, especially one that lived 160 million years ago, would surely get him some recognition, right? Along with his stay in the loony bin, of course. Personally, I would love to see one of these babies hop out of the lake by my house. Wouldn't it be amazing to see something that monstrously huge? I think so, and I guess Charles did too, so I kind of see his point here.

A lot of people really hate this movie because of the bad CGI, but I think it was pretty good. It wasn't hollywood standard, but who gives a shit? It definitely wasn't the worst I've ever seen. It also starred Lochlyn Munro, who I always enjoy. I believe that Alligator X was supposed to be a liopleurodon (which is actually the prehistoric ancestor of the crocodile or alligator, I can't remember which), though they refer to her as a pliosaur. First of all, I have to say that I LOVE liopleurodons (and no, not because of Charlie the unicorn, but because of watching Prehistoric Planet), so I was really excited to see something like this. The only problem I had was that she didn't seem big enough. Liopleurodons are around 10 meters long, and their jaws alone would make two of me (ten feet). They could swallow a school bus whole. They ate dinosaurs, for Pete's sake. I would have thought she would have been bigger, but maybe that's just me. I'm not saying she wasn't big; she was definitely huge. But I would have liked to have seen something really, really huge. Overall, I enjoyed it because I enjoy liopleurodons. The acting of some people could have been better, but I really don't care about things like that. So, if you're a dinosaur (or prehistoric reptile) lover like me, you should enjoy this one as well. I just wonder how in the hell something that big could live comfortably in a swamp.

#135 -- "A" Challenge: Are You in the House Alone? (1978)

Director: Walter Grauman
Rating: 2/5

First of all, I have no idea why this is categorized as horror. There's nothing even remotely horror-like present. It's more of a drama. It's a pretty good drama, but I'm not reviewing drama movies, am I? So I'll review it as a horror movie, and as a horror it was terrible. It's about a young girl named Gail who seems to have everything: a best friend (Allison) and a sweet and sexy new boyfriend (Steve). She's planning on being a photographer one day, and if you ask her teachers, she's well on her way. But everything changes when Gail starts receiving creepy notes in her locker. One says, "I'm watching you," and the other says, "I know where you are, you tramp." It doesn't stop there, though. She gets some creepy phone calls too. The first was just heavy breathing, typical prankster stuff, so she doesn't look too far into that one. Then the caller starts laughing maniacally. In one phone call he states that he is "getting closer," and the other he asks if she is--surprise!--in the house alone. One night, while babysitting for a neighbor, he shows up and rapes her. This is a guy that she knows very well (or thought she did), and since his family is powerful around town, there isn't much she can do about it. They won't lock him up, or punish him in any way. Gail's father is mighty pissed, and seriously considers killing the boy, but that wouldn't do any good either. Instead, Gail decides to prove that he did it so that he can be punished as he should. When she sees that he's decided to go after another one of their classmates, she sets up a hidden camera to catch him in the act of placing the threatening note in the girl's locker. He finds her and isn't very happy, but everything works out--sort of--well.

Like I said, this isn't much of a horror movie. It was made for TV, so it's sort of like a woman-empowering after school special. It's got a good moral story, and good lesson to teach to women: don't be weak and fight for what you know is right. The cast was great (and included a very young and not very nice Dennis Quaid), and the relationships between Gail and her co-stars were incredible. It was very believable; it just wasn't horrifying. I know you're thinking, "Hey! Rape is very horrifying!" Yes, it is. But at the end of the day, Gail (or whoever was playing her) could have a drink with her attacker knowing that he didn't do a damn thing to her. Rape is horrible in the real world. My point is this...there was no suspense. To me, it was obvious who the bad guy was the entire time; I was just waiting for him to come out and show himself. It was slow and boring, and if a movie is going to call itself horror, it cannot be slow. Or at least, the slow pace should go along nicely with the story. It didn't work for me here. If I had gone into this thinking here's a nice drama movie about a young girl overcoming adversity, I probably would have liked it. But I went into it thinking it was an older version of When A Stranger Calls (a movie that frightened me a bit). So I was expecting at least a little bit of bloodshed. I was waiting for some action that never happened. I was very disappointed in this one, and I think Netflix should remove it from its "horror" section. There's nothing horror about it. I should also point out that it was based on a novel, and I feel the story is much better suited for that. Slow pacing works in books, not in movies.

#134 -- "A" Challenge: Autopsy (2008)

Director: Adam Gierasch
Rating: 4/5

This week, I'm going to try to watch only movies starting with the letter A. I'm weird about some things, and I chose to do this because in The Trailer Park, there are certain letter categories that are kind of empty. I feel bad for them, so I want to fill them up. Hopefully, I'll be able to do a week for each letter, so I can get those lonely ones some friends. Yeah, it might be a little weird. But it takes away some of the decision making I have to do when choosing a movie, and I'm lazy so it works for me. Anyways, today is a movie called Autopsy. You can probably figure out basically what the movie's about just by the title, but I'll give you a little bit more. The synopsis tells you that a group of friends gets into a car accident, on their way home from Mardi Gras, and is transported to a strange hospital. The hospital is indeed strange, because it's actually been closed for years. What the synopsis doesn't tell you is that the kids run over a man who was trying to escape the hospital. It's obvious that he doesn't want to go back, to the viewers at least. We know then that something terrible is happening at Mercy Hospital. A doctor, Dr. Benway, his nurse, and two ex-cons turned orderlies lure injured people into this hospital so that they can perform surgery on them. Apparently, they move around from hospital to hospital so they don't cause too much suspicion. They're doing all of this to get organs and such for Dr. Benway's terminally ill wife. He calls it an experimental treatment. They didn't account for badass Emily to ruin everything. After many deaths, much bloodshed, and self-sacrifice, Emily is able to cause a little mayhem of her own. She is an ex-medical student, so she knows her way around hospital equipment as well, which leaves the good doctor in a bit of a pickle. Plus, she lost all her friends and her boyfriend, so she's beyond pissed and looking for some serious revenge.

Each of the friends are called back to be examined, with the claims that the car accident could have caused serious injury. Only one of them is seriously injured at all; they're mostly just worried about the guy they found underneath the car. Bobby, Emily's boyfriend, ended up with a giant sliver of glass lodged in his abdomen, which could have possibly punctured his lung. But a punctured lung is the least of his worries, because he becomes the main component of Mrs. Benway's recovery. Jude is given some experimental hallucinatory drugs, so he stumbles around the hospital witnessing some scary shit. We've also got Dimitri, a Russian student they picked up back in New Orleans, and Claire. They are subjected to unorthodox autopsies; we also see brain drills, amputation, downright savage attacks for no apparent reason, and lots of other things. There's not a shortage of blood in this one, that's for sure.

This one is pretty gruesome, and if you've got a weak stomach you should probably just pass on it. The gore is well done and had me cringing a little bit. There's also some pretty spooky parts (not involving the doctors, but the other patients). Everything was really well done, and the characters were great. I liked all of them, and I didn't want any of them to be harmed. But of course, it wouldn't be much of a horror movie if no one got hurt. I've been doing a good job choosing movies lately, and I've picked some pretty good ones. I really enjoyed this, even though the story has been done quite a lot. There's just something about hospitals. Doctors are supposed to be there to help you. So when they go crazy and decide to kill you...that idea is terrifying. They've got all sorts of equipment, and the knowledge of how to use it. If they lock you up in the hospital so you've got no way to escape, and they're hell-bent on causing excruciating pain...I can't even imagine. But there's something terrifying about it. Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. So check it out if your stomach can handle it.